pursuit

hit me with your best shot...

2012-02-08T16:25:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time, I was someone who was mightily opposed to doctor's offices, medicines (especially syrups...blech) and shots or needles of any kind. But, over the last several months, I've been dealing with some sort of heinous upper respiratory thing, the likes of which can only be combated by a steroid shot and stiff antibiotics. Now, a shot in the bum is about 70 billion slots down on my list of favorite things ever, but it's necessary nonetheless...and I've had three in the recent past.

As is often the case, it wasn't enough for just mom to be sick the last few months, so we've alternated through the kids having all sorts of maladies and issues from high fevers to puke bugs and have thrown some stitches and braces in the mix just for fun. The puke bug hit last night in our house and was 5 hours of every 30 minute wretching. Good for the abs, terrible for everything else...poor Maggie.

During Ali's bout with sickness and I mean SICKness recently, I said "Honey, we're going to take you to the doctor and get this seen about and see what we can do to help you!" To which she calmly replied (through more snot than you can imagine, a croup cough that made her sound like a baby seal and a 102 degree fever)... "I want to go to the doctor, but I'm not going to get a shot." I said, "You're not?" Her response? "No way."

I've been thinking about that seemingly innocuous conversation for a week or more. My kids actually have no problem going to the doctor. They go, sit on a table, look at shiny things, read books, play with big dinosaur action figures, step on scales, get temperatures taken by thermometers in their ears (and nowhere else...ahem), have someone come in and talk to them sweetly and tell them how big they're getting or how pretty, basically get a full body massage as the doctor checks them over, have medicine dispensed to them that tastes like bubblegum, or grape soda or any other conceivable flavor and leave with stickers and lollipops to go about their day. The only possible dark cloud in this utopia? The shot.

My children, if given the choice between a shot that would HEAL them or two and a half weeks of sickness, fevers and misery would choose the two and a half weeks. Every time. Ali was very firm in her proclamation of being glad to go to the doctor but absolutely opposed to getting a shot. Emphatic head shake and all. "No way."

Of course, I, being their wise and all-knowing mom, am starting to think "you silly, silly, child...don't you know that the shot is what you NEED? That's what's actually going to heal you and eradicate the illness! Everything else is just a band aid!" Then, as clearly as I was standing there and cocking my all-knowing head at Ali, I heard "what's your shot?"

Pardon? "You know, the thing (or things) I ask you to endure (or give up) in order to be healed? You have no problem coming to me and enjoying all that I have to offer when it's easy and attractive, but when you are tired and spent and ailing in your pursuit of holiness and I point at what is weighing you down and what you need to do or be rid of or get in check in order to be free and fulfilled, you have that same emphatic head shake...you choose the long road of laboring, bargaining and striving rather than the shot of surrender." Long swallow...

God, it's hardly the same thing. "Isn't it?"

That's how almost all of my spiritual lessons are taught by the way...through my children. And at the end of the day, it's exactly the same thing. I'd rather figure out how to rearrange, reorder, dress up, minimize and explain the things God points at in my life, rather than endure the quick, painful, but thorough obedience of surrender. I like everything fun and attractive that comes with a pursuit of holiness...churches, retreats, conferences, meaningful tweets and retweets, good books, small groups, excellent causes, missions, theology, amazing songs, corporate worship, community...

But the parts of actual holiness that can hurt? Suffering, refining, being set apart, authentic accountability, taking up the cross daily, persecution, relentless integrity, private purity, going to the ends of the earth, relational health, sacrificial generosity... When those things get pointed at, whether consciously or not, I fear I'm more apt to choose the long road of explaining, bargaining, diversion and excuse-making rather than the short SHOT of surrender.

I've realized the benefit of a shot to my physical life, and that's a day I never thought would come. I'm praying for the grace from God to embrace the benefit of a shot of surrender to my spiritual life whenever God diagnoses it as well. I can tell you one thing...I don't want my response to be "no way."

peace.

a passionate perspective...

2012-01-06T23:11:00.003-05:00

Season: a time characterized by a particular circumstance or feature; a suitable or natural time or occasion. (Webster)

This particular season in my life just culminated with the end of Passion 2012 in Atlanta. What. an. experience. There is SO much in me that can't stand describing things using the same words that everyone else in the whole world uses, but unfortunately, it seems that all the appropriate words are being grabbed for by everyone who joined either in person or online, so forgive me for sounding redundant. It was amazing, epic, awe-filled, surprising, huge and awesome. It was also exhausting, emotional, sacrificial and hard. Things that are worth doing usually are. We talked in our post-conference brunch as a team today about the fact that many of us don't get to be in the room for every session because of the nature of our roles, but we no-less experience the full measure of the conference...we just do it from a different perspective. So...before I fall into a haze of Christmas decoration tear-down around the house, unpacking, laundry, school lunches and backpacks, I wanted to get some gratefulness down in writing about Passion 2012. There will most certainly be personal shout-outs because Passion 2012 is made up of people all serving and worshiping the same Person. This is just my perspective, and I didn't have the good fortune of intersecting with everyone all the time, but it's a passionate perspective nonetheless...

it all started at the end of Passion 2011...

On the last day of P2011, Louie and Shelley announced Passion 2012 in the Georgia Dome. My personal hero, Matt Floyd, immediately went to work designing the online registration system for Passion 2012. It is imperative that you understand at this moment what a GENIUS this guy is. I would say things like "it would be great if the system could..." and within moments it was done. Every transaction, registration, refund, scholarship, transfer, group and individual registration I or anyone else initiated was made possible by this guy. He would be up 'till all hours of the morning on the other side of my computer screen via ichat helping me do whatever large task was before me and in most cases making what should take hours take mere minutes by his ability to do it "on a system level" rather than making me do extra steps. Oh, and by the way, registration isn't the only computer/web-related thing Matt does for Passion Conferences and Passion City Church, but beyond his technical brilliance is his innate ability to NEVER let a stressful situation get the best of him. He always keeps his cool and quietly goes about making things amazing. If you don't know him, you should.

As I continue thinking through the list of people I'm grateful for, my brain pauses on several names...

Emily Vogeltanz - I don't know if you've ever been up close to someone as you watch them carry and steward the vision that God's given them, but I get to pretty often. Many times as a vision is headed for completion or culmination, the load becomes a much heavier one and actually getting to the finish line seems almost impossible in the last days and hours. I'm not sure that this has ever been more the case than in the culmination of the Freedom expression on the plaza at Passion 2012. The vision had taken shape many months prior in the back room of the Passion house, but the culmination was an absolute LABOR of love, weather, sweat, freezing and tears. Through it all, whether "fresh" off of an hour of sleep in the morning, or huddled up and finally having a hot meal at night, tears of exhaustion were never far and neither was Emily's firm belief that God would come through. And He did. Emily, I loved watching you trust God...and I loved even more watching God come through. Freedom!

As we rolled through registration day, it was a steady, busy flow of people. As we neared 7pm, it became evident that we weren't going to be able to start the session on time because of the still massive amount of people that needed to be registered, receive their credentials and get into a seat in the Dome. That's when Vicky Porterfield, Wendy Durnwald and their team of intercessors went to work praying for the process. We went from EVERYONE in line to NO ONE in line in a matter of 10 minutes. There is no explanation for it other than God. He sent Susanne Fatigati, Aaron Fortner and the amazing Brown Team to help and before we knew what had happened, the kids were in, the session was beginning and registration had worked. Only God...and some amazing people.

And that brings me to the best part of registration...my co-leader, sister-in-law and friend, Sarah Richards. There are not adequate words, and I'm really glad that I'm typing rather than talking because I would most assuredly cry. Getting to do the last several Passion conferences side by side with her is a privilege I'll always search for appropriate words to describe. We are the perfect complement for one another and God has blessed me completely in giving me her for this journey and in life. She is a light, has such a tender heart and loves Jesus so much. I'm a better version of myself when she's around! Okay Say Say, you ready for 2013? :)

If you've ever been around a Passion conference, then you surely know that registration doesn't just happen because of myself, Sarah or Matt, it happens because of the beautiful team of Registration Doorholders that God raises up each year. They are pumped, ready and capable and they make an otherwise menial task fun and exciting. What's more...they do it as a ministry to these students and leaders...they know they're the first face of Passion and they do all they can to be sure that students are welcomed and readied to encounter Jesus in these days. And, to our core team for registration, set-up, tear down and info booths: Tammy Pruden, Meredith Mitchell, Alicia Scott, Mark Henderson, Joshua Berry, Doug, Christy, Haley and Conner Monda, Stacey, Joey, Sophie and Olivia Windover, Melanie Amos, Chelsea Ponder, Kimberly Burks, Livia Maia, Hannah Rosbrook, and Alan Putnam...THANK YOU for staying on the journey with us and for seeing it through to the end! You're amazing!

I'm sure this will seem trivial to most, but to me, it was a glorious moment. I mentioned in passing one day on site (and can't even remember to whom) that I never drink coffee at Passion because I am so used to using hazelnut creamer out of the container in my fridge and don't really know how to convert the little one serving creamer packets to that. So, I usually just punt on coffee and choose something else. Would you believe that the next morning there were two containers of hazelnut creamer in the office fridge for me? I HAD COFFEE EVERY MORNING OF THE CONFERENCE! That may seem stupid, but that is just one evidence of how detailed and caring Jon Ackley-Jelinek and our Hospitality Team are. He'd heard that I wanted something like that, got the details and made it happen. That's what they did for everyone in the building all week. And this girl was supremely grateful for specially-bought creamer. It's the little things!

Speaking of little things, Passion does a phenomenal job of appreciation. When I arrived in my hotel room, there was a specially made basket waiting for me with all sorts of little goodies. The best thing about the basket was that they were all things that were my favorites. They'd been specifically picked by Courtney Henry and placed in my room because they were things I like. Courtney and her team did that over and over and over in various hotel rooms for our team. Not an easy task...but always one she lovingly pores over in the weeks leading up to the conference. What a neat role to play...serving others so they can serve others, and so on. Courtney, thank you for knowing me well and loving me well! I love getting to be on this journey with you and I love YOU!

At a couple of points during Passion, things were happening that were overwhelming and emotional and needed immediate attention. I won't go into all the details because they're not important. What is important are the people who JUMPED to remedy, transport, assess and walk alongside as these things were handled. They know how they helped, but God only knows how they ministered. Jay Desai, Lori Mallard, Renee McKenzie, Kristen Franklin...thank you for being at the right places at the right times with the right abilities and the right words to lend to the situation(s). Grateful for each of you.

There will be NO way to actually capture everyone that I crossed paths with this week that made an impact on me...and in fact, even as I know I'm only going to mention two more, three or four are making their way into my brain. Maybe I can write a second post someday...

Misty Paige. I don't know how you carried what you carried, but I know that you did it well! Even though I think in logistics, I am still in awe of your ability to not only think in logistics, but execute and lead the logistics of this conference so well. You are ALWAYS forthcoming with information, follow up, clarity and helpful details. You've thought things through far past the point where everyone else stops thinking about it or has never started. You never let the details eclipse Jesus and for that balance, I'm so grateful. Thank you for how well you've led, journeyed and conquered! Love you! Take a little breather... :)

Cheryl Bell... I will never know how you can carry all the details of every team and person in your head and recall them at any time, I will never know how you manage to never lose your cool and never panic or respond sharply and I will never know how you're still standing at the end of 18 and 20 hour days and then get up to do it all again the next day. But, what I do know is WHY you do it and WHO you do it for. Thank you for your leadership, for your transparency and for your patience with me. I am grateful for all we've walked through and look forward to the journey ahead...

Passion is always an amazing experience. God is always an amazing God, so there's almost no way that it won't be. But, to all the people who take care of all the details...those I've named above and the countless that I haven't...I think of the illustration of the swan...you are truly paddling furiously under the water so that the swan can glide across the lake without so much as a ripple. Freedom rang, people gave, Jesus was lifted up, those who were dead are now alive!!!

For me personally, I got to have my kids there for some select times with Jeffrey. This was their first experience of Passion...specifically registration and their personal favorite...Lecrae. You're never really sure how much your kids are absorbing and there wasn't a lot of time for conversation in the midst of it. But, they were impacted and I'm grateful. Jack's note proves it. :) The picture of Ali is a direct representation of what I'll be doing for the next week on a cruise to Mexico with my hubby. She was completely worn out by her Passion experience...and those two wristbands won't come off of Maggie, Jack or Ali for months...which is a testament to how Passion just tends to stick with you...encounters with Jesus are like that...no matter which perspective you look from.

peace.

jack's note of encouragement for lecrae

rest...

change of plans...

2011-10-27T10:59:00.000-04:00

I'm on vacation this week. Well, technically it was supposed to be a VAcation, but instead turned into a STAYcation. Before this week, I honestly thought staycations were ridiculous and sorry excuses for vacations. Now I know that sometimes there is no other choice. The ironic thing is that this vacation anticipation has been building for quite some time. The last time we planned a vacation, we procrastinated for so long in planning anything that we just punted on the whole idea and skipped vacation all together. How pathetic is that? So THIS time we planned. We worked out the details, we reserved the dates, we planned to take the kids out of school, I got vacation time approved at work, I crammed in creative meetings and emails and tied up any loose ends that I could think of. We were excited! Then, about two days before leaving, things just didn't work out. Plans fell through and we were no longer vacating. We were staycating.

This past weekend, people were asking where we were going and what we were doing and we would say "well, our plans fell through" or "we had a change of plan". Then, in a rather nonchalant way, I said to my mom... "but I mean, God is sovereign, so if He wants us to stay home then there must be a reason..."

That statement has been absolutely haunting me ever since. Not because it's not true...but because it is! The question I've had for myself is: "so...why isn't that always your response when your plans change?" Do I really believe that God has a better plan when it isn't in line with what I originally wanted? The vacation/staycation thing was pretty easy to feel good about because it was between the original plan, which I really liked, or staying home, which I also really like! (side note: I'm a pretty reclusive homebody if left to myself...so the prospect of staying home for a week with no agenda makes the recluse in me rather giddy...)

The more I've pondered my off the cuff remark to my mom, the more I've contemplated sovereignty and its close companion, providence.

Webster defines "sovereignty" as:

supreme excellence

supreme power

freedom from external control : autonomy

controlling influence

Webster defines "providence" as:

divine guidance or care

God, conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny

Hmmm...so basically I said to my mom: "but I mean, God, being the supreme example of excellence and power and being totally autonomous as well as the controlling influence in my life, clearly exercised His divine guidance and care over our lives and guided our destiny by causing us to stay home...so He must have a reason."

Again, that's a lot easier for me to stomach as well as to rattle off these lips when the two options are equally palatable to me. It becomes a little harder when...

- my house in California is still hanging as an albatross around my neck with no end in sight and no conceivable chance to get out from under the financial pit of quicksand that it has become. (even though the mall across the street from it has been set on fire twice...TWICE since we moved. Could the flames not have just leapt across the street and burned the house to the ground?? Is that too much to ask?? I realize that seems a bit morbid and desperate, but hey...that's where I am on the subject.)

- I feel a very strong sense of preparation and instruction going on in my heart for something, but still feel "wait and learn" as the predominant mandate. Patience never has been a virtue I've possessed for any length of time.

- I pray and pray and pray for something...even PLEAD...and God doesn't seem to make any move in the direction of my prayers.

Those are just a few examples, and there are many more, so needless to say (but I'm saying it anyway) I am very aware of some truths that need to continue to sink into my life and heart and take root.

Nothing touches me or my life that is not first sifted through the hand of God. Nothing. See, that's the thing about being in charge of every person and thing in the whole universe. Nothing happens without your ok.

My plans are just that...my plans. God's plan is the one that will actually get carried out. There's no such thing as a change of plans, thwarted plans or last minute considerations in God's plan. When my plans coincide with God's plans, then there should be gratefulness that I am a part of His story! When they don't, then there should be gratefulness that God is carrying out HIS plan whether I see, understand or like it and that there's an invitation to join Him. (There should also still be gratefulness that I am part of His story!)

Interestingly, I have HUGE PLANS for this weekend and am beyond hopeful that they're also in God's plans for me as well. This weekend I get to experience my very first EVER college football game. In Jacksonville Florida. That's right....FLORIDA vs. GEORGIA baby!!!! I'm a little bit ecstatic and have no doubt it will be an experience to remember. At least that's what everybody tells me! But, as excited as I am I do feel like I need to apply this scripture to this and all future scenarios in my life:

"Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."" James 4:14-15

If the Lord wills. This needs to be the pre-cursor statement of my life.

So...if the Lord wills, I'll be joining half of the people in Jacksonville on Saturday and screaming GO GATORS!!!!!!!! at the top of my lungs. Here's hoping!

Maybe this staycation was simply a tool to learn about the sovereignty and providence of God. I may not ever know a specific reason, but there's rest to be found in the fact that He knows everything that I don't and He orchestrates everything that I can't. I love that.

peace.

top ten must - haves for fall...

2011-09-02T12:17:00.001-04:00

I was so glad to see the calendar change to September yesterday! Even the weather was cooperating with mild temperatures and some sprinkling here and there. In my opinion, September is one of the BEST months of the year, second only to December which houses my hands-down favorite holiday of all time. September is amazing because it signals the end of summer (and in Georgia, SWELTERING temps) and ushers in crisp air, changing leaves and open windows. It also combines my two sports loves...major league baseball and the postseason, as well as college football! Is there anything better? I'm particularly looking forward to fall in Georgia this year because for the last five years, we've been in California. Historically, California is God's country when it comes to beauty and weather, but in the particular category of fall, it comes up rather short. In my experience, California switches right from summer to winter in most cases and just skips over fall. I'm looking forward once again to the proper progression of seasons. As I was pondering the transition to fall, I realized that I was taking mental notes of all the things I needed to be sure I had and was excited to be able to use...so I thought I'd share what are (in my humble opinion) the top ten MUST HAVES for fall. These are in no particular order, by the way. All of them are grand and don't deserve to have their egos bruised by a ranking. So, without further adieu...

10) BOOTS

No, not ridiculous boots like these. Sassy boots. Knee boots, ankle boots, high-heeled boots, Ugg boots, furry cuffed boots, sweater boots, rain boots...boots. Bye bye flip flops and relentless pedicures. Hello socks, skinny jeans and sassy boots. Welcome. Back. Boots.

9) SOUPS

I'm so excited to be able to indulge in warm, comfort food again! These particular soups are my favorite, though they are a little pricey. You can find them in the soup aisle and all you do is add water to their variety of different flavors. I also take the time to add broccoli florets, cauliflower or chunks of chicken to make a particularly hearty soup. It also makes a half gallon! Great to eat on for a couple of days and a quick and warm lunch solution. This is also a great time for the return of tortilla soup, our family favorite. Yum. Yum. Yum.

8) SWEATSHIRTS & HOODIES

With cooler temps come LAYERS! Finally! I have found that a good pullover sweatshirt or zip up hoodie comes in quite handy and I usually keep one in the car for unexpected outside excursions or relentlessly air-conditioned buildings. Here you can also see the beautiful marriage of baseball and college football that I mentioned earlier. Three cheers for layers!!

7) SCARVES

I know, I know, fall isn't the only time scarves are appropriate now that there are summer scarves. BUT, fall is the first time they're cozy and helpful for anything other than fashion. I have cabillions of scarves. It's gluttonous really. But, they are truly the perfect fall accessory and immediately spice up my go-to clothing colors of black, grey and chocolate brown. Scarf it up!

6) SIGNATURE SCENT(S)

I'm sure you're thinking "Really? Signature scents?" But it's true! Now, I'm not talking about your breezy Bath & Body Works spritzes or the Dove body spray line. Those are good for summer and are light, which is what summer calls for. But, for fall, I'm saying good, quality stuff. Eu de toilette. Parfum. Why? Because all those scarves that I mentioned earlier are going to smell like your signature scent. Unless you wash your scarf after each wear (which is terrible for them, by the way), then it's going to smell uniquely like you. And you want that to be a good, rich, nostalgic smell...not an alcohol-filled cheap smell which is specific to those cheap sprays mentioned earlier. I tend to prefer Daisy by Marc Jacobs and Lucky You by Lucky Brand, but that's just me. Go out and find something that's uniquely YOU.

5) BLANKETS & SNUGGIES

Fall would not be fall without something to snuggle under. This stack of blankets is right next to the leather recliner in our house so that snuggling is only a reach away. There are blankets across the back of my couch in order to support warmth while you are there as well. A snuggie has also become a must for this girl. I freeze most of the time. And...even though the commercials make everybody laugh about being able to still work on your laptop while staying warm...that's TOTALLY what they're good for. That's my snuggie on top of the pile. I know it shocks you that it's college football themed. Bring on game day!

4) FIRE

I don't really think this needs any explanation. It's fall. We get to have fires in fireplaces again. All is right with the world.

3) CANDLES

Different kind of fire, but still a MUST for fall. I struggle through most of summer because as much as I like melon, green apple and the like, they are no match for cinnamon stick, vanilla creme brulee, pumpkin spice and the other scents of fall. Candles are my favorite thing. They transform an entire house just by smell and make an otherwise cold, sterile environment suddenly warm and inviting. Get some candles. You'll be glad you did. (Honorable mention goes to: simmering pot-pourri. A true delight on the stove and for bathing a home in scents when candles are unavailable.)

2) BOOKS

So, your candles are lit, the window is cracked, the fire is going, the soup is on, your snuggie has magically allowed your hands to be free and now all you need is a good book. I don't mean your quiet time material or your Bible in this instance because it's my assumption that you have those at hand regularly. I mean, a BOOK, something rich and engaging and that sucks you in and transports you to another place. Classics, new arrivals, biographies, mysteries...whatever floats your boat. Read. It's good for your brain! (Honorable mentions in this category: iPads, Kindles, Nooks and other e-readers...though I don't think they're as romantic and cozy as a good old-fashioned book, they do have their positives. So, settle in with one of those if you must, but do yourself a favor either way and READ!)

1) COFFEE

It may be last, but it's certainly not least. Coffee (or hot tea for you non-coffee connoisseurs) is the perfect compliment to the above must haves. It warms you from the inside out! Thanks to Keurigs and french presses and every other coffee craze of the last few years, gone are the traditional days of old, boring coffee. You can get it in every flavor imaginable and can make enough only for yourself. There's no waste! What's not to love?

So there you have it. Those are the components of my perfect fall...

What are yours?

two truths & a lie...

2011-08-16T17:18:00.002-04:00

I love Diet Coke. Period. Diet Dr. Pepper.......even better. I truly love them, have enjoyment whilst drinking them and crave them at certain times. I wouldn't say that I'm addicted in the sense that I can't stop, but I would say that I'm addicted in the fact that I LOVE them, would choose them over any other drink option any day, any time (breakfast, lunch or dinner) and suffer withdrawals when not drinking them. Yeah, ok.......I'm completely addicted.

I've known about this addiction issue for quite some time, but this is the first time that I've been comfortable enough to admit my addiction. After all, the truth sets you free, right?

Interestingly, my addiction began as repulsion. You see, I was addicted to Coca Cola Classic before I made the switch to Diet Coke. That addiction was much the same. Loved it over every other drink option and drank it readily and often. Shortly after Jeffrey and I got married, our shared love of Coke resulted in our shared newlywed weight gain. Add the birth of Maggie and preceding pregnancy and sympathy pounds to our mix, and we were two plump, carbonated parents! We decided that something had to change. Mind you, we were not prepared to address our love of carbs of all shapes and sizes, nor our propensity for fast food due to our hectic travel-heavy lifestyles, but we zeroed in on the one thing we thought we could do. Switch from Coke to Diet Coke. You see, one 12 ounce can of Coca Cola Classic has 39 grams of sugar and 140 calories!! Multiply that times the several we drank each day, not to mention the larger quantities that come as a result of the drive-thru window and their drink sizing.......and we were probably consuming in Coca Cola what should have been our entire caloric intake for the day! So.......we decided to make the switch. After all, the nutrition facts on the back of the Diet Coke can reveal a long line of (0). No fat, no carbs, no protein and best of all......NO CALORIES! So, our choice was made. The first taste of Diet Coke was nothing short of revolting to us. Where oh where was the sweet, syrupy goodness we'd grown up loving? This was a fraud! A sham! A shameful copycat of a finer soda beverage. Jeffrey was done. He'd had enough. If he couldn't drink Coke, he'd just switch to water. He wasn't putting that Diet Coke filth in his mouth again.....and he hasn't since. I made the switch though. It was a gross, saliva-repulsing process, but I finally hooked myself on the substitute. Oh, and we lost over 25 pounds collectively by changing nothing else but our choice of soda.

Fast-forward 9 years. Now, the taste of Coca Cola is repulsive to me. It tastes like drinking maple syrup. Jeffrey still doesn't consume soda and I'm still hooked to Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. I mean, it's true what they say......"Diet Dr. Pepper really does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper." This addiction hasn't come without a reprieve here and there though. A couple of years ago, I got on a SUPER healthy kick, switched our family to organic foods, cut out carbonated beverages......PERIOD, began exercising P-90X style, lost 30 pounds, easily wore those designer jeans mentioned in the previous post and was militant about foods, cosmetics, calorie contents, empty calories, whole foods, green living, natural instead of processed and all that goes with it. I loved it! I was healthy, my family was healthy, we felt good and life was good. Then, along with job changes and life changes, our income didn't support the expense that comes along with that lifestyle and my emotions didn't support the expense that comes with enduring some massive hurt at the hands of people and circumstances. Before long, I justified treating myself with Diet Coke (because after all, I deserved it after all I'd been through) and before I knew it, my treat was an addiction.

Along with the return of my addiction, I began to notice some other interesting changes. You see, when I was consuming primarily water or juice beverages, my skin was clear, my stomach was flat, my migraines were significantly lessened and my aching joints and muscles weren't nearly as noticeable. My hair was healthier, I generally smelled better as a person (weird, I know) and my teeth were whiter. As I began to introduce Diet Coke back into the mix, the water and all other beverages phased out. It just didn't taste as good to me! Along with the water, all of the benefits of the water left as well. For me, the spiritual application has become painfully clear over the last few years. Yes, often times it takes years of being beat over the head before I embrace something. I may be a bit stubborn (sarcasm intended).

I drank Diet Coke because I liked it and I was thirsty. I also actually thought it was quenching my thirst. And it did in the short term. But I was always thirsty again. I'd bought into the lie AND I had received no nutritional or lasting value from the Diet Coke. The side effects of Diet Coke aren't just in what I don't gain from it, but also in what I lose in my addiction to it. Any time I sin, I'm choosing to believe a lie instead of the truth. I choose to believe that it will make me happy, cause me to feel good, not really hurt me in the long run or that no one will ever know. I exchange truth for lies. In the same way, sin tricks us into thinking we're gaining something yet we're always losing, because sin always leads to death. Maybe not our physical death initially, but there is always death of something. Innocence, trust, purity, self-control, humility.......the list is endless and full of casualties as a result of sin. For the sake of this illustration, the water of my spiritual life is the Word of God. Spiritual nourishment, lasting joy, peace amidst the storms of this life and anything else beneficial are found there. Any attempts to nourish myself spiritually in place of the water of the Word of God are false, artificial and imitation substitutes for what my soul really needs. Spiritually, my Diet Cokes are the sins that I hold so dear, cling to and dress up like something other than sin, or explain and rationalize away. I have bought into the lie that I'm somehow more satisfied with them, otherwise I'd have dropped them long ago. I've exchanged the truth for a lie.

Interestingly, in recent years Diet Coke and other diet sodas have increasingly been linked to a variety of disorders and diseases mostly in connection with the artificial or substitute sweeteners that make it calorie-free. Has this caused me to pause and think about whether or not I should drink it? Of course! In the long run, has it really changed much for me, regardless of what I know? No. I suffer the effects as well. Headaches, fatigue, aches and pains, face breakouts, unhealthy hair, stomach issues and digestive issues among others. For some reason, I cannot seem to strike a healthy balance between my dance with Diet Coke and the water my body so desperately needs. The Diet Coke wins every time. I've noticed that with my sin too. Do I know the side effects of holding my "respectable sins" so dear? Of course! Does it change anything? Not really. I also can't strike a healthy balance between my sins and the Word of God. You see, the Word of God doesn't share. If I love one, I hate the other.

Even as this analogy has been chipping away at the walls of my soul for awhile, another layer was exposed about two weeks ago. As we were in a neurologist appointment discussing my Dad's Parkinson's Disease, the doctor made an amazing point. She said that in these hot spring and summer months, it's great to drink water and that it's ultimately the best for you, but unfortunately, the heat is so intense, that the effects of the water are sapped away far more quickly than usual. The benefits of the water are not decreased, but the ability of the body to exist on them as long is. She said that it's crucial to begin supplementing with electrolyte-enhanced water whenever possible. The electrolytes in the water bond to the red blood cells in the body keeping them hydrated longer. Electrolyte drinks carry fluids directly to the bloodstream. Blood volume is raised and fluids return to healthy levels. I was amazed. I realized that I don't even have Parkinson's and had been having some of those same symptoms. It didn't help that Diet Coke was also taking center stage as my beverage of choice.

The more I've pondered, the more the illustration has become clear. Spiritually speaking, the Word of God is fully sufficient, is living and active, and in it is everything we need for life and godliness. But, in this sin-filled, daily compromising, media saturated, godless world we live in, it is a necessity to supplement the Word of God with the spiritual electrolytes of accountability, prayer, worship...both privately and corporately, theologically sound teaching, missions, solitude and other spiritual disciplines. It's not enough to get out of bed, pour a cup of coffee and read the Bible before I enter my day and think that it and reading a few well-worded spiritual tweets will last me through all that will confront me in that day. I must nourish myself with the word AND the spiritual disciplines of life. I must be in community with other believers. I must be in relational accountability with like-minded, mature believers. Oh...I also have to put sin to death in my life. Unlike drinking an occasional Diet Coke, which isn't a sin, there can be no part of me that believes "well, that sin isn't so bad...and I'm not quite ready to be done with it yet." I have to mortify, or put to death, sin in my life. For the sake of our illustration....Diet Coke can't exist as a primary beverage in a healthy world. A physically healthy person must be nourished by water and electrolytes. They are the truth. Nourishment at the hands of Diet Coke is a lie.

Respectable sins (you know, the ones you're thinking of right now...) can't exist in a world where we're spiritually healthy. They have to be put to death intentionally and often. I must be nourishing myself with the Word of God and the spiritual practices that supplement my growth in Him so beautifully.

In case you're wondering......yes, I'm trying to quit Diet Coke. It truly is a refreshing, carbonated lie. Will I be perfect? Probably not. But, you'll see me carrying around my Camelbak full of water and my Vitamin Water Zero pretty religiously. They're the truth.

My goal is also to put sin to death in my life. Will I be perfect? No. Should I still strive to do so? Yes. My amazement at His sinless sacrifice on my sinful behalf should always result in my desire to do what pleases Him. I won't be perfect. But isn't that what's so amazing about the grace of God? Always.

peace.

jeaneology...

2011-06-25T21:44:00.002-04:00

Citizens of Humanity, 7 For All Mankind, True Religion.........

Designer jeans. I. Love. Them. Once upon a time, I was a regular Old Navy or Gap jeans kind of girl and I was perfectly content. I didn't even know that I wasn't fulfilled in my experience of jeans. Then one day my sister-in-law introduced me to my first pair of designer jeans. I remember it like it was yesterday. I put them on, and I felt.......AMAZING. I hadn't known prior to that moment that I could be THAT happy in a pair of jeans. I hadn't known that my life was missing anything.....but it was......oh, it was.

It's been 6 years and two children since that pivotal moment and for the first time other than pregnancy I'm without my designer jeans. Oh, they're still in my closet, but our connection is gone. It has been for about 6 months now. Why, you may ask? Well, I'd love to tell you that it's because I've sold them all and given the money to charity, or that I've since realized that I don't need designer jeans when regular old Jordache will do. But, I'd be lying. The real reason lies in the number 22. Twenty-two. The big TWO TWO. That number represents the amount of pounds that I've gained since Christmas. Twenty. Two. Pounds. I discovered this tonight. I had a sneaking suspicion it was close to that, but tonight I stepped onto the dreaded scale. Sadly, those pounds won't fit into my designer jeans any more than a Delta jet can fit into a ziplock bag. It's absolutely impossible. The sad part is.......it was all preventable.

Now, before you start judging me (more than you already are for the fact that I didn't sell them and donate the money to charity.....) let me assure you that I did not pay full price for any of my jeans. In fact, several of them were free. Having a relative that works in a high end department store has its perks. So does being smaller than someone else who gained weight and can no longer fit into their designer jeans. It's funny, but as much as I can't live without my designer jeans, I also refuse to pay full price for any of them. Double standard? Probably.

I told a friend of mine that I was certain I'd gained at least 20 pounds since moving to Atlanta from California and she said. "Absolutely not. There's no way. You can't tell at all." That actually kept me going for awhile! "People can't tell I've gained weight. Sweet! I have always been able to dress to accentuate the positive and downplay the negative. I'm doing good!" The problem is...I only LOOKED like I hadn't gained 20 pounds. That didn't change reality. I have gained 20 pounds whether I look like it or not. And believe you me, without all of my strategically placed clothes, I most definitely look like it.

Here's the thing. I didn't gain 22 pounds overnight. I also didn't suddenly wake up and realize that I was gaining weight. I didn't try to gain weight. I gained weight because I made no effort to stop it. I ate what everyone routinely eats, I paid less for groceries rather than more. I was lazy, I compromised, I was indulgent, I took the easy way out, I caved........and now I'm paying. Let's be clear. Gaining weight is what naturally happens to a vast percentage of the population if there is no attempt made to stop it. Staying thin (and healthy) actually takes work. Fighting is required.

About the same time that I felt myself getting dissatisfied with my temporary Target jeans and my expanding waistline, the Holy Spirit started pressing in on me in a very familiar way. See......I've been really digging into this idea of holiness for about 5 years. I've been studying, digesting and wrestling with all of the implications of scripture's exhortations to us as believers. We are commanded in no uncertain terms to BE holy. Everything about the pursuit of holiness requires active and in many cases aggressive steps on our part. We are naturally prone to getting really fat on the pleasures of this world. Because of our ongoing battle against sin and our flesh, we are not naturally holy. We begin to be worldly because we make no effort to stop it. We watch or listen to what everyone routinely watches and listens to, and have less convictions rather than more. We grow lazy, we compromise, we're indulgent, we take the easy way out, we cave, we abuse grace........and we pay. The chance for holiness for me required a priceless sacrifice on Jesus' part. It wasn't free like my designer jeans. But glory to God.........with diligence, the indwelling power of the Spirit and the glorious grace offered to me, I CAN BE HOLY. I don't have to just LOOK holy, I can actually BE holy.

Unfortunately, much like my weight, I think I've learned how to dress to hide my unholiness. After all, I am practically a professional christian. I work in ministry, I work at a CHURCH for crying out loud. I lead worship, I lead children, I'm a pastor's kid, I married a worship leader, I can quote scripture, I've never been drunk, I own multiple Bibles, I have favorite sermons, favorite worship songs, eat Chick-fil-A and only use Apple products. For all intents and purposes, I look like a holy person. But, lately, God's been convicting me that looks are very deceiving. If I'm not careful, I'm tempted to hide behind the fact that everyone thinks I've got this holiness bit together. It's then that I realize that He always sees me without my holiness clothes on and knows just how fat I've gotten on what this world has to offer. I don't have to work very hard to be comfortable in this world. I don't even have to work very hard to be assumed as holy around other believers. Jerry Bridges calls this "cultural holiness." He says:

"Many Christians have what we might call a "cultural holiness". They adapt to the character and behavior pattern of Christians around them. As the Christian culture around them is more or less holy, so these Christians are more or less holy. But God has not called us to be like those around us. He has called us to be like himself. Holiness is nothing less than conformity to the character of God."

THAT is what I want. I don't want to just be like the other Christians around me. That's becoming more and more scary by the day. We've validated the phrase "what one generation tolerates, the next embraces." I want to know what it means to put sin to death in my life, to appropriate the grace of God to the situations I face each day, to love others as He did, to esteem others as better than myself, to deny myself the things that erode my spiritual health and to take up my cross daily. You can't fake that stuff. There are a few people in my life who are pursuing this full force and it's a beautiful thing to watch.

I'm not satisfied with these 22 pounds. They have to go. Not just because I want to get back into my jeans.......but because I want to be healthy. I'm not satisfied with my cultural holiness either. It has to go. Not just because I want to look like I've got it together to those around me........but because I want to be holy.

I'm so thankful to God for the ladies around me who've committed to this journey also and meet weekly to encourage one another and exhort each other. I have no delusions regarding how easy this will be.......I know it won't be. And since it will not be completed on this side of eternity, I already know the value of having encouragers and exhorters who are in it for the long haul. But......blessing follows obedience and obedience requires heeding the promptings of the Spirit in my life. So.....I continue on the journey. Hope to see you along the way. Maybe when we do see one another, I'll be back in those beloved jeans.

"The moment we make up our minds that we are going on with this determination to exalt God over all we step out of the world's parade. We shall find ourselves out of adjustment to the ways of the world, and increasingly so as we make progress in the holy way." A.W. Tozer

peace.

something old, something new...

2011-05-22T09:04:00.000-04:00

I've had much occasion to ponder new beginnings, new opportunities, new horizons and all other things new over the last 5 months. We've moved into a new situation, I've started a new job, the kids have been in a new school, we've plugged into a new church (that just recently moved into a new building), new acquaintances have been made, new goals, dreams and visions launched........ all things new.

Along with the excitement and anticipation that accompany newness, however, there is also the palatable sense of loss, sadness, nostalgia and remembrance that also tag along. Relationships left behind and familiarity upended leave a pretty substantial and gaping hole where comfort and warmth once were. Sure, it won't last forever, but for a time, there is a profound sense of loss. Sometimes in the midst of all the newness, the sadness of what's been left behind creeps up when you may least expect it.

We are walking through this with our children right now, and especially with our oldest, Maggie. We had the chance to return to California this weekend for the wedding of one of our dearest friends in the world. The whole family was in the wedding, we got to hang out with the people we love, visit the places we've missed (namely: JAMBA JUICE!) and get that old feeling of familiarity that we had when we lived there. Maggie and Jack went by their old school and were welcomed with open arms by all their classmates and teachers as if no time had passed and they'd never left. All this was well and good......until it was time to leave. Maggie is our deep feeler. She feels emotions all the way to her soul and it is quite a deep well. As the time approached for wedding festivities to end, I could see the waters of Maggie's deep soul well begin to churn. Now, she's no drama queen, so she tries quite adeptly to keep everything in check and stay in control. But.....before long, once we were out of the "public", she began to cry. Not those annoying tears where you think "good grief, get it together child!", but the kind of tears that signal deep hurt and loss. She really couldn't see past leaving Breanne's wedding, California, her friends and all she'd known. She couldn't imagine how going back to Atlanta would ever feel good.

I have to say that sitting there in that moment, I could totally relate. It was so nice to be around the people that know us best, who'd walked through some of the roughest times of our life with us and who know us inside and out. It was nice not to have to even think......it was nice just to be.......and to be there. We encouraged Maggie that this was not the end and that there would be other visits and longer visits and more communication and more experiences. But I don't think much of that really comforted her. In retrospect, it doesn't really comfort me either. What Maggie wanted to keep a grip on, and what I now realize that I want to keep a grip on is that familiarity. The comfort. The normalcy. The security.

It seems to me though, that God has not designed us for comfort and security on this earth. He's designed us for Himself. I'm encouraged to be less concerned about how I feel here on earth and more concerned about how I am with God. I want the comfort, security and familiarity I feel to be that of His presence and favor......of His direction, guidance and correction.....the assurance that regardless of what my earthly surroundings may look or feel like, that He is the constant in my life that I can unquestionably count on and know will never leave me with a sense of loss and sadness. I want to teach Maggie, and all of our children, how to navigate through the changes that this earthly life will bring while knowing exactly Who they can cling to and trust to take them from season to season.

Even as I write this, I am sitting in the airport in Houston......halfway from California to Atlanta......and heading into another season of newness. A new house for our family in just ten days, a summer without weeks of camps for the first time in fifteen years, a brand new children's ministry adventure in just two weeks, another new school for the kids in a few short months and whatever else God may have ordained for our journey that we can't even comprehend yet. I feel the tugging. I wanted to stay in California. I wanted to just pick up where we left off there. Yet, I want to come back to Atlanta......to pick up all we have there as well. As it turns out.....seems I have a pretty deep soul well too.....and it's been churned a bit. Above all, it makes me run full tilt toward my Father who understands every bit of it. I'm so grateful that He holds me and helps me navigate as I hold my daughter and help her navigate.

Weddings are such beautiful things and this weekend was no exception. Getting to watch two people whose lives have intersected and see the newness that God is bringing about in them was emotional. Pondering the future that lies before our little family and seeing all the new beauty that God can bring from old ashes is emotional. Getting to participate in even a small way in the giant story of newness that God is writing through history is emotional. But at the bottom of all that emotion, by the grace of God alone........there is peace.

rescue. (& reasons 25-35 on the lent list...)

2011-04-21T22:26:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is the day. Good Friday. The day we get to contemplate and celebrate the cross. Truthfully, I cringe at the reminder that I should be doing it every day, but am grateful for the chance to do it corporately tomorrow.

I will be getting to hang out with some children that I get the privilege of watching while their parents are in big church! As I've been praying and pondering through how the evening will go, one word has stuck with me: RESCUE. It's all about RESCUE. The cross is all about RESCUE. Good Friday is all about RESCUE. So, that's what we're going to talk about. RESCUE. I mean, even a child gets the concept of rescue. We'll see pictures of life preservers and helicopters and rescue dogs and ambulances. Then, we'll talk about what situations you might find yourself in and need rescuing. And after we've talked through all those symbols of rescue, we'll talk about the greatest symbol of all.......the cross.

I don't know if you've ever heard of The Jesus Storybook Bible, but if you have children (and in my opinion, even if you don't!), you need to get online and order it right now. It's stories from the Bible retold in such beautiful language that I have yet to read one without chills. Just put "The Jesus Storybook Bible" in your search engine and you'll find it. It was written by Sally Lloyd-Jones. The tag line is "Every story whispers His name" and every story truly does. The whole point is to begin to see that every single solitary event in the Bible is truly about Jesus and leads to Him. My kids LOVE it. And I love what they're learning and hearing. Anyway......

We'll be reading two stories tomorrow night. One is the story of when sin first entered the world. It's called "The Terrible Lie". My favorite line from this story is: "Before they left the garden, God whispered a promise to Adam and Eve: 'It will not always be so! I will come to rescue you!'" The other story we'll read is of Jesus' crucifixion. Its title is "The Sun Stops Shining." My favorite line from that story? "Then Jesus shouted in a loud voice, 'It is finished!' And it was. He had done it. Jesus had rescued the whole world."

RESCUE. We had to be rescued because of our sin. The means of our rescue was a brutal, tortuous death by the Son of God, because only the death of His sinless life could satisfy His Father's wrath toward my sin-filled one and my eternal separation from Him. And so.......our journey toward the contemplation of the cross ends with these 10 reasons not to sin. Read them slowly. Let them in. Past the numbness. Past the apathy. Past the tradition. Awaken to the cost of the cross.

#25: Because sin and guilt may harm both my mind and body.

#26: Because sins mixed with service make the things of God tasteless.

#27: Because suffering for sin has no joy or reward, though suffering for righteousness has both.

#28: Because my sin is adultery with the world.

#29: Because, though forgiven, I will review this very sin at the Judgment Seat where loss and gain of eternal rewards are applied.

#30: Because I can never really know ahead of time just how severe the discipline for my sin might be.

#31: Because my sin may be an indication of a lost condition.

#32: Because to sin is to not love Christ.

#33: Because my unwillingness to reject this sin now grants it an authority over me greater than I wish to believe.

#34: Because my sin glorifies God only in His judgment of it and His turning of it to good use, never because it's worth anything on its own.

#35: Because I promised God would be Lord of my life.

peace.

reasons 23-24 on the lent list...

2011-04-11T23:16:00.000-04:00

Reason #23 not to sin...

Because others once more earnest than I have been destroyed by just such sins.

I do not know why the example of destruction that we often see in the people around us doesn't impact us more, but sadly, it doesn't. We're stunned into awed disbelief for a short time, but then things become numb and "normal" again and we continue to swallow the lies of the enemy. Other people were destroyed by those sins, but it's different with us, right? We're in better control......

Reason #24 not to sin...

Because the inhabitants of heaven and hell would all testify to the foolishness of this sin.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is watching your children learn important lessons the hard way. There's always a balance between protecting them from consequences and letting them learn the hard way in hopes of instilling a valuable lesson that won't have to be repeated. Imagine all the more what it would be like for those on both sides of eternity as they watch our small vapor of life and see the ways we squander chunks of it in sin.

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom." - Psalm 90:12 (NLT)

reason #22 on the lent list...

2011-04-10T00:52:00.006-04:00

Reason #22 not to sin.....

Because sin steals my reputation and robs me of my testimony.

As I thought about how sin steals from us, I looked up the definitions of "steal" and "rob". Sin as a thief takes on some eerie significance when these definitions are applied......

STEAL (From Merriam-Webster:)

to take the property of another wrongfully and especially as a habitual or regular practice
to come or go secretly, unobtrusively, gradually, or unexpectedly
to steal or attempt to steal a base

to take or appropriate without right or leave and with intent to keep or make use of wrongfully
to take away by force or unjust means
to take surreptitiously or without permission
to make oneself the focus of
to appropriate to oneself or beyond one's proper share
to move, convey, or introduce secretly smuggle

to seize, gain, or win by trickery, skill, or daring
to reach safely solely by running, usually catching the opposing team off guard

ROB (From Merriam-Webster:)

to steal from to take something away from by force
to take personal property from by violence or threat
to remove valuables without right from (a place)

to steal to take away as loot
to deprive of something due, expected, or desired

This is what sin does to my reputation and to my testimony. In many cases these losses can never be regained. Many of us would probably say that we try not to worry what others think and that we are content in knowing that God's opinion is the only one that matters. We say things like "God is my defender and the keeper of my reputation." And though that is true and we shouldn't give undue weight to what others think, it is VERY important what they think about God as a result of watching our lives or interacting with us. When I'm sinning, I'm jeopardizing my chance to reflect Christ purely. Ruined reputations and stolen testimonies are a big deal. Just ask anyone who's been through it.

John 10:10 says "the thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy" and sin is the primary weapon in that arsenal. Recognizing the enemy's intent to defraud is a necessary step, but refusing to give ground and jeopardize the reputation and testimony that hang in the balance are crucial to victory.

peace.

reasons 10-21 on the lent list...

2011-04-08T21:21:00.003-04:00

12 days.....

It was a rather unexpected hiatus, but a hiatus nonetheless. I've always been a bit of an overachiever. In much the same way that my eyes are often bigger than my stomach, or that I say "yes" when I should probably say "no", to think that I could pull off a daily blog and the demands of the Passion Fort Worth conference was probably a little unrealistic. I could go on for days or longer and hopefully I can put it all down in words at some point, but Passion Fort Worth was truly life-changing and perspective-shifting for me. Things were clarified and cemented so well that I am almost restless as I attempt to process it all and assess its impact on my daily life. Nevertheless, I am still convinced it's necessary and hopefully life-changing to focus on the reasons I do not want to sin as I head toward the celebration of the events that freed me from the bondage of that sin. And so we press on.......

We've got 12 reasons coming up. They are each deeply impacting in their implications if we'll let them take root.

Reason #10 not to sin: Because my sin saddens the godly.
You have only to think of how you'd feel if "so and so" found out about your sin, or to know the immense sadness you've felt in discovering the sin of another for this to be an effective deterrent.

Reason #11 not to sin: Because my sin makes the enemies of God rejoice.
The thought of cementing for the enemies of God that our religion really is worthless and ineffective is distasteful enough. The fact that they'd have any reason to rejoice is something I want no part of.

Reason #12 not to sin: Because sin deceives me into believing I have gained what in reality I have lost.
Oh, how true this is. Do we not believe we've gained pleasure or status or love or peace or happiness or safety or stature or position when we sin? In reality, we've lost those things haven't we? As Andy Stanley says.......we sacrifice the eternal for the immediate.

Reason #13 not to sin: Because my sin may keep me from qualifying for spiritual leadership.
This reason is beyond sobering to me. Truthfully, we take spiritual positions and leadership far too lightly these days. We take a "well, nobody's perfect" stance on qualifying for leadership and though it's true that nobody's perfect, scripture has a well-defined list of qualifications for spiritual leadership and we'd do well to keep them in the forefront of our thinking.

Reason #14 not to sin: Because the supposed benefits of my sin will never outweigh the consequences of disobedience.
My children would readily agree with this. The consequences are never worth the risk. This reason completely debunks the whole "it was totally worth it" myth in regard to sin. Consequences handed down by Almighty God in response to our sin are never worth the sinning in the first place.

Reason #15 not to sin: Because repenting of my sin is such a painful process, yet I must repent.
I remember that my Dad used to explain repentance to me as "agreeing with God about my sin." That's a little different than "I'm sorry" or "Please forgive me". It's "God, I agree that my sin is an afront to Your holiness and that you can have no part of it and that it separates me from You in terms of intimacy and effectiveness for Your kingdom. I agree that I have lifted myself up against you in my sin and have attempted to steal Your glory." At this point, we begin to get on a right footing again. But oh, what a painful process repentance is. Until we are viewing sin the same way that God views it, we're not truly repenting.

Reason #16 not to sin: Because sin is a very brief pleasure for an eternal loss.
John Piper spoke at Passion last week and referred to life as a "tiny vapor's breath". It's so true. In our sin we sacrifice eternal joy and crowns for counterfeit pleasure in this vapor's breath of life. What an unbalanced and ridiculous trade.

Reason #17 not to sin: Because my sin may influence others to sin.
More than once this has been true of me and I'll be held accountable for what I did with my influence. The thought sickens me quite frankly. I always have two choices to make. God, save me from using my influence to encourage others to sin by following my example. May I always lead people toward You and Your holiness.

Reason #18 not to sin: Because my sin may keep others from knowing Christ.
Though I believe that every person that God intends to be saved will in fact be saved, there is always the possibility that I could squander an opportunity to be part of that process because of sin. What a trade...the chance to participate in the salvation of another...for sin. Gross.

Reason #19 not to sin: Because my sin makes light of the cross, upon which Christ died for the very purpose of taking away my sin.
Until we get this, and I mean really GET IT, I don't know how much lasting victory over sin we will experience. Every time we sin, we're making light of the work of Christ on the cross. This floors me. Every time I read it, it floors me. My cavalier attitude toward sin at times is only made more disgusting when coupled with the fact that I'm actually making light of the cross. I think most of us like to think a little more highly of ourselves than this and say that we're not making light of the very thing Christ endured to free us. But aren't we?

Reason #20 not to sin: Because it's impossible to sin and follow the Spirit at the same time.
From the book "Reshaping It All" - "An old native story describes how a young man was confused. Not knowing how to deal with his confusion, he approached an elder for some wisdom. Telling the elder that a lion and a bear constantly wrestled in his mind, the young man wondered which one would win. The old man looked at him, put a hand on his shoulder and wisely replied, "The one that you feed." Which one do you feed? Do you feed your flesh by pampering it, giving in to every cry? Or do you feed your mind with the Word of God which equips your spirit?"

Reason #21 not to sin: Because God chooses not to respect the prayers of those who cherish their sin.
Psalm 66:18 - "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened."
John 9:31 - "We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does His will."
Oh God, save me from ever having you turn a deaf ear to me because of my unrepentant heart.

peace.

reason #9 on the lent list...

2011-03-27T22:24:00.001-04:00

Reason #9 not to sin....

Because others, including my family, suffer consequences due to my sin.

This. one. is. hard. Just keeping it real here, but I struggled through this at a particularly rebellious point in my life several years ago. I was actually living in the delusion that I was operating in a bubble. Then, I remember when it hit me like a ton of bricks: "Jeffrey, Maggie, Jack and Ali are the ones who will suffer because of your selfishness and sin." It was no small feat and required the intervention of the Holy Spirit and a huge season of brokenness. Much like my teenage fear of disappointing my father, the thought that I might harm my husband or children through sin is excruciatingly painful.

In thinking about this reason, I googled this question and got a great answer. There's no need to try and figure out a creative way to restate what I found, so here it is. Would love your thoughts as always on this subject.

Question: "How does my personal, private sin affect others?"

Answer: If you lived isolated on an island in the middle of the sea, then perhaps your private sin would not affect anyone but yourself. However, since the maxim is "no man is an island," there is a good chance that you have a family or at the least friends and acquaintances that you come into contact with on a continual basis. All of them will be affected in some way by sin because sin has consequences (Romans 6:23). That is a principle that follows the pattern laid down at the creation. Everything created has a seed from which it propagates itself after its "kind" (Genesis 1:11, 21,25). In other words, you do not plant corn and expect to harvest beets. You cannot “plant” sin—even in private—and not expect to reap a harvest of consequences. And consequences have a way of spilling out over everyone and anyone that comes into contact with us because of another principle called "association." This means that those around you can be blessed or hurt by association with you and the choices and actions you make, both privately and publicly.

One needs only to look at the recent scandals involving famous evangelical leaders to see the effects on others of “private” sins. Once they are discovered—and the Bible tells us to “be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23)—families, friends, congregations, and the Christian community at large will be harmed. Worse still, the cause of Christ will be damaged as unbelievers scoff and sneer at us and blaspheme His name. It may seem that people sin without visible consequences, but what is secret will one day be made manifest. "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open" (Luke 8:17). Can you honestly say that there is no one that would then be affected by your secret sins if they should become known?

Sin that is kept secret produces guilt, and guilt has a way of changing us. Others see those changes and are affected by them.

© Copyright 2002-2011 Got Questions Ministries - All Rights Reserved.
www.gotquestions.org

Ugh. This is the last kind of effect I want to have on anyone. Instead, I want to affect them for Christ and the joy of surrendering to Him.

peace.

reason #8 on the lent list...

2011-03-26T23:53:00.000-04:00

Reason #8 not to sin.......

Because my sin always makes me less than what I could be.

This is my current issue to be sure. I'm not who I want to be. I know who I want to be, and I know that it will require changes, refinement and surrender. I've been in a pretty aggressive refining process over the last few years it would seem. There have been some highs and some very painful lows. I know, however, that none of those things touched me without first being sifted through the hand of God.

What I'm also learning is how much sin short-circuits that refining process. There are several things that I just wish I could get rid of once and for all. I don't want to struggle with them any longer. I don't want to war against my flesh. I want to just be rid of them. I'm not referring to anything heinous or "big" by today's definitions, and I'm not even saying that there are sins that I'm purposely harboring or holding onto. But, there are sins that are constant areas of struggle and oh how weary I am of them.

I'm weary because they make me less than what I could be. What they can't do, however, is change my standing. I'm still redeemed, declared righteous and covered by grace. I never want to harbor even "little" sins and disqualify myself from being all that He has planned for me.

peace.

reason #7 on the lent list...

2011-03-25T23:06:00.000-04:00

Reason #7 not to sin.......

Because I am doing what I do not have to do.

Today was a full day of birthday celebrating for my Maggie who turned 9 years old. As we celebrated, on and off through the day, I pondered this reason. I do not have to sin. I am not a slave. I have the power that raised Christ from the dead available to me. I have the Holy Spirit of God. I have an ocean of grace available to me and new mercies every morning completely sufficient for that day. When I sin, I am doing what I do not have to do. Why would I do it? It definitely means that I can't coast through this life because my struggle against sin will continue until I enter His presence and I'm no match for it without His power. But WITH His power, I can overcome it. I'm tired of struggling with it. I want to overcome it.

peace.

reason #6 on the lent list...

2011-03-24T08:45:00.001-04:00

Reason #6 not to sin.......

Because in time my sin always brings heaviness to my heart.

Surely I can't be the only person who's experienced this. The urban dictionary defines a heavy heart like this: "When your heart is weighted down by sorrow." I wonder if oftentimes the reason we stay so busy is because if we pause too long and are too still, our true heaviness of heart will be revealed. Sometimes we operate at such a helter-skelter pace that even where there's no sin involved, we become a bit numb. We can certainly become spiritually numb and begin to court sin and realize that in time, our hearts have grown heavy with the weight and sorrow of it. This is why confession, repentance and forsaking are so critical to the health of our hearts. As if there was any doubt about why we wouldn't want heaviness of heart, I've included several scriptures below that point to the amount of emphasis God puts on the condition of our hearts.

Proverbs 4:23 "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

1 Samuel 16:7 "But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart."

Jeremiah 17:9-10 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings."

2 Chronicles 16:9 "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him..."

Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

Galatians 4:6-7 "And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, "Abba, Father!" Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ."

Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him."

Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."

Matthew 5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."

Deuteronomy 5:29 "Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever!"

Psalm 40:8 "I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart."

Maggie, my oldest, has a very tender conscience. She tends to start confessing things to me long before I would've found out about them and just can't sit in her sin for very long before it's eating her up. I would love to say that this is exactly how I operate with God. I mean, I do get convicted of sin immediately upon committing it, but I am also very good about rationalizing, excusing and explaining. Instead, I'd like to become an expert at the confessing, repenting and forsaking that I mentioned earlier. That's the key to a heart that is not weighted down by the sorrows of sin.

peace.

reason #5 on the lent list...

2011-03-23T07:56:00.001-04:00

Reason #5 not to sin.....

Because my sin places a greater burden on my spiritual leaders.

A great example of this would be Achan's sin in the Old Testament. I found a great commentary by RC Sproul on this particular subject.....

Following the fall of Jericho, Joshua sent a force of around 3,000 men to attack the city of Ai, but the Israelite army was soundly defeated and thirty-six fighters were killed (Josh. 7:2-5). This prompted Joshua to cry out to the Lord in great anguish, for how could He have brought the people so far only to see them lose the battle at Ai (vv. 6–9)?

What Joshua did not know but what we understood as soon as we read verse 1 is that there was a specific reason why the people failed to take the city of Ai just as they had conquered Jericho. Instead of leaving all of the devoted things of the city of Jericho for the Lord, Achan (of the kingly tribe of Judah no less) kept some of them for himself (v. 1). Once our Creator explained this to Joshua, everything began to make sense (vv. 10–12). This sin would have to be dealt with as an illustration of God’s holiness and Israel’s responsibility, and Joshua was ordered to tell the people why they had been judged at Ai and what they should do about it (vv. 13–15).

This initial warning to the people should have made Achan come forward on his own and repent of his sin. Unfortunately, this is not what occurred. Instead, he waited for God to identify him before he confessed his sin (vv. 16–21). Lest we think the Lord unjust to destroy Achan and his household even after they “repented” (vv. 22–26), we should note how Achan’s failure to confess on his own and the failure of his family to do the same reveals a lack of true contrition. John Calvin comments that Achan gave no “sure indication of repentance; being, as it were, overcome with terror, he openly divulged what he would willingly have concealed.” God always forgives the penitent, but the absence of true repentance will ultimately bring condemnation.

The thought of being a spiritual liability to others and especially to spiritual leaders over me is terrifying. Because of Achan's selfishness, shortsightedness and SIN, the Israelites were defeated in battle and their leader was left wondering why. Most of us would say we'd never purposely put our leaders in that position, but are we intentionally remembering that any sin we harbor is a burden on them and could irrevocably alter the landscape of the ministry? Do we really think about the position that we put them in? Or......do we rationalize what we're doing as inconsequential? Do we assume no one will ever find out and that we're sinning in a vacuum? Many of us can point to one story after another of a person's very public and very messy "fall from grace" in ministry. Do we shake our heads and wonder "what were they thinking?" or "how did this happen?"

It happened because they stopped being intentional about putting to death "little" and "inconsequential" sins along the way and it can just as easily happen to us. We are always one sin away from burdening our spiritual leaders in a way we'd never see coming.

God save us from rationalizing sin away and assuming it doesn't matter. May we never be a spiritual burden or liability to those whose leadership You've placed us under. Keep our hearts sensitive and our feet quick to run from evil and to repentance.

peace.

reason #4 on the lent list...

2011-03-22T07:32:00.001-04:00

Reason #4 not to sin.....

Because my sin never pleases but always grieves God who loves me.

It would take quite a hardened heart not to be moved by the thought that the Spirit of God is literally grieved by my sin. But, what if it doesn't necessarily have to be a hard heart? What if it's enough to simply be unaware and unconcerned about the true ramifications of my sin? I would NEVER purposely grieve the Spirit of God. Or would I? I'm just keeping it real here, but sometimes I want to do what I want to do and I want to do it when I want to do it.......and so I do. I'm sure it's just me.

When I was a teenager and there was the chance to do something wrong, I could pretty well ensure that if I just thought for ONE SECOND, I would quickly realize that the thought of disappointing my father was an effective deterrent. I was saved from many a poor choice by the grace of God and because I revered my father so highly. In retrospect, the times that I did disobey and disregard what he'd told me, the sting of the discipline wore off long before the regret of hurting and grieving him.

These days I'm pondering the merit of stopping for just ONE SECOND before sin to consider how it will grieve my heavenly Father. I want to caution against any temptation to use the "Jesus already died for all my sins and I'm covered by grace" argument here. It cheapens His death entirely. Most people would probably even say that sin sneaks up and happens before we have a chance to consider it. I would say that we have the chance not to sin. We have the chance not to grieve God. The enemy would love nothing more than to have us so desensitized and so tolerant that it actually does seem that sin sneaks in without warning. The truth is, there's always warning and there's always a way of a escape. Don't believe me? That gut feeling you get when a conversation is headed the way of gossip and slander? That's your chance to get out. The slow boil that begins when your husband or children has done that thing that annoys you once too often today and you're about to spew? That's your chance to change. Knowing full well that if you talk with him or her, it will lead somewhere that it most certainly shouldn't? There's your opportunity. It means being aware, being concerned and being intentional. It means being in conversation and communion with the Holy Spirit. It means being as in tune with His desires and will for me as I am with facebook, twitter or my favorite tv show. It means relying on the unending stream of grace from God (which is new every day and is never used up) and appropriating it for the killing of sin. Am I going to be successful 100% of the time? Absolutely not. It's by no means strictly human effort, but it is also by no means going to happen by osmosis. This is not about works-based faith, but about working out our salvation. It WILL require work on my part and it WILL require diligence. But wow......when the alternative is grieving the Holy Spirit of God by Whom I've been sealed? It is worth it. I want to hear what you think. I'll end today with some more John Piper. He wrote a blog post not too long ago on this very subject.

One of the poems I wrote during my leave of absence grew out of my sorrows over grieving the Holy Spirit. It is bad enough to know that God is dishonored by my sin. But to hear Paul connect my particular sins with grieving the Holy Spirit was even more painful.

This he does in Ephesians 4:30-32. He says, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” And then he names my sins: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

There are mysteries in the self-sufficient Spirit being grieved. And there are many sorrows in saints who do it. And there is a day coming when it will be done no more.

Doubly Relieved

My patient Comforter, my God,
     My Life, my Breath, my holy Zeal,
My soul is doubly sorrowful:
     That I still sin against your Seal,
And sinning cause my Sovereign grief.
     I know it is your holy way
To make your grief serve perfect joy,
      But I still pray, O bring the day
When, in the twinkling of an eye,
     My soul will doubly be relieved:
I will not ever sin again,
     And you will nevermore be grieved.

peace.

reason #3 on the lent list...

2011-03-21T07:03:00.001-04:00

Reason #3 not to sin.......

Because the time spent in my sin is forever wasted.

This one is particularly hard to swallow if, like me, you're a person that takes a measure of pride in your time management and organizational skills. I love having a to-do list and then structuring my day so as to accomplish the things on the list and get all of the little boxes checked. When that occurs, I feel quite satisfied that I've made good use of the time for that day. Conversely, when I feel like the day didn't go as planned, or that nothing substantial was accomplished, I have a saying....."well that's time I'll never get back!" It's supposed to be tongue in cheek and is usually funny and agreed with by all around because we've just all seen the same ridiculous disappointment of a movie, or participated in something laborious and boring.

But, when I realize that the time I've spent in sin, and believe me there are some sins that I've clung to for months or years at a time, is forever wasted and unable to be retrieved, it produces godly sorrow and a desire NEVER to let my sin become so front and center again.

Scripture has a host of things to say about the value of the time we've been given. I have such a desire to learn to number my days and to spend them operating in light of eternity instead of wasting them on sinful fleshly desires and wasted moments and days. I view the time spent with my husband and children differently, I view my job differently, I view my worship differently and I view my leisure differently when I have eternity in view.

Does this principle impact anyone else?

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. - Psalm 90:12

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. - Ephesians 5:15-16

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. - Psalm 39:4-5

Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. - 1 Timothy 4:14-16

peace.

reason #2 on the lent list...

2011-03-20T08:07:00.001-04:00

Reason #2 not to sin.......

Because my sin invites the discipline of God.

As a parent I can totally relate to this one from a human perspective. I give my kids choices all the time. We teach them about consequences and let them know what they can expect for violating whatever we've said to do. When they do inevitably violate something, discipline always follows. The degree of discipline certainly varies depending on the offense, but there is discipline nonetheless. It's not all that different a subject when we're talking about the discipline of God. I do think it's important to make a very important distinction right now.

For a believer, the discipline of God is very different from the wrath of God. As believers, we will never experience the wrath of God. Every single bit of wrath He had toward us because of our sin was poured out on His Son. He has no more wrath for us. This should be an extremely comforting thought for you and for me. He does, however, have wrath left for those who have rejected Him. They will spend eternity experiencing the full measure of that wrath separated from Him and experiencing an eternity of spiritual death. The wages of sin = death. Every time. Glory to God, Jesus died the death that was meant for me. God's wrath toward me has been satisfied in Him. So, since my sin invites God's discipline and not His wrath, what's the purpose of the discipline?

I loved this article on the discipline of God and the verses cited:

"God uses discipline as a last resort. If all God needed to justify mankind to himself was a bigger cattle-prod, then Christ died for nothing! No, God's plan for the earth is love first, discipline last. To get us to listen and repent, he will use deep conviction, the rebuke of friends, "coincident" sermons, the quickening of Scripture, and every other means before disciplining us. But if we resist God's Spirit of mercy, we are promised the rod of correction. When God disciplines, the punishment fits the crime. Time and again, we realize that we cannot get away with unrepentant sin. God is sculpting us into holy vessels, and the process can be painful."

Job 5:17-18 (NIV) "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."

Prov 20:30 (NIV) Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the innermost being.

Rev 3:19 (NIV) [Jesus] "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent."

Rom 11:22 (Jer) Do not forget that God can be severe as well as kind...

Heb 10:31 (NIV) It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Rom 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

"Those who are able to consistently sin and not be rebuked by God are not His children. Those who have been born again are seized by deep conviction when they sin, and if they do not repent they are always "spanked" by God for it. Is this true in your life? Do you pass the family test?"

In all honesty, I believe I'm guilty of minimizing the severity of the sins in my life because I view them as small. My sin invites the discipline of God, plainly and simply. God is conforming me to the image of His Son and He can have nothing to do with my sin. He must purge it from me.....polishing what is of Him while eradicating what is of me. It truly is a refiner's fire of discipline.

"He is a refiner's fire, and that makes all the difference. A refiner's fire does not destroy indiscriminately like a forest fire. A refiner's fire does not consume completely like the fire of an incinerator. A refiner's fire refines. It purifies. It melts down the bar of silver or gold, separates out the impurities that ruin its value, burns them up, and leaves the silver and gold intact. He is like a refiner's fire.

It does say FIRE. And therefore purity and holiness will always be a dreadful thing. There will always be a proper "fear and trembling" in the process of becoming pure. We learn if from the time we are little children: never play with fire! And it's a good lesson! Therefore, Christianity is never a play thing. And the passion for purity is never flippant. He is like fire and fire is serious. You don't fool around with it.

But it does say, he is like a REFINER'S fire. And therefore this is not merely a word of warning, but a tremendous word of hope. The furnace of affliction in the family of God is always for refinement, never for destruction." - John Piper (on Malachi 3:2)

Oh God, give me the grace not to invite Your discipline upon me with willful sin. Keep me sensitive to Your Spirit as You lead me to repentance.

peace.

reason #1 on the lent list...

2011-03-19T10:22:00.007-04:00

God, in your grace, please give us fresh eyes over the next 35 days as we journey toward the celebration of your glorious Son's resurrection. Jesus, please impact us with the weight of what our sin cost you and protect us from minimizing and explaining in an attempt to soften the blows. Holy Spirit, bring these reasons to our remembrance throughout the day and may they be more than words on a screen. We are pursuing a lifestyle that magnifies the Son...

Reason #1 Not To Sin......

Because a little sin leads to more sin.

When I was a high school student, I had Andy Stanley as my youth pastor. If you're unaware or have been living under some sort of rock, he has been enormously gifted by God as a teacher and communicator of truth. As a high schooler, I had the benefit of sitting under his teaching for four years. In a particularly uncomfortable and eye-opening series called "How Far Is Too Far?" Andy talked about the perils of sexual immorality and how to avoid making mistakes that would mark us forever. We had laminated cards to remember the points and long before the "WWJD" movement of a few years later, there were several hundred high school students who were newly empowered with their laminated cards and commitment to sexual purity.

There were two points on that little card that are relevant to our reason here today.
1. The further you go, the faster you go.
2. The further you go, the harder it is to go back.

I have certainly found that no matter how "little" the sin or how infrequent, if left unchecked, my appetite will be for more. It is a WITHOUT FAIL principle. Whenever there is sin, if I do not repent of it (ie: agree with God that I am sinning and lifting up myself against Him) and turn away from it, it will always lead to more. It will always lead to more...............

gossip
slander
lying
cheating
complaining
grumbling
pride
critical spirit
critical speech
sexual sin

......and all other sins. The list is endless. I have found that this is a point that I'd like to argue and explain away. I mean, if I ask the Holy Spirit to be faithful to prick my heart any time that I am sinning, it seems to be an endless pricking session akin to some sort of spiritual acupuncture. I find myself saying "well, I mean everyone sins. Nobody's perfect! This is why we live under grace and not the law......." Though all of those statements are true, none of them requires me to take the responsibility that is indeed mine to "throw off" the sin that so easily entangles. I believe one of the first steps though is to reclassify things as sin that our christian culture has begun to accept and tolerate and in some cases, embrace. We classify gossip as "concern", critical spirits as "constructive"......and so on. Once we've begun to explain away these "little" sins, before we know it, we're knee deep in sin and wondering how we got there. How? Because a little sin always leads to more sin.

How have you seen this principle prove true?
What other sins have we begun to explain away and classify?
What safeguards can we have in place so we don't find ourselves being led into more sin?

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers." James 1:12-16

thoughts?

peace.

the lent list...

2011-03-18T11:42:00.000-04:00

I'm always intrigued each time we approach the 40 days before Easter by all the things that I hear people are giving up for Lent. I'm intrigued by it because historically "Lent is a season of grief that necessarily ends with a great celebration of Easter. It is known in Eastern Orthodox circles as the season of "Bright Sadness."" It's also a time when things are to be given up, instituted and given away (ie: giving up a personal vice, praying more and giving to charities.)

Now, this is not intended to be some sort of theological treatise on the validity of Lent today or its many different and varied applications in today's religions and denominations. It is merely something that has always intrigued me. It is supposed to be a great season of grief and sadness over sin and what led Christ to the cross. Regardless of whether or not you believe it should still be observed today, the premise is solid: true grief over sin should mark any believer. A realization of what it cost Christ and His Father to buy my freedom should remain at the forefront of my pursuit of holiness. A proper perspective of myself in light of the cross leads me to a proper perspective of my Savior. With that said, a mere 40 day deprivation of tv, facebook, twitter, some food or drink or anything else does not check off a box in eternity and earn us anything. Those 40 days of deprivation without a new perspective and change going forward from there have not really done anything for us either. I'm not saying that people don't go on amazing spiritual journeys during Lent because I'm certain that they probably do. I'm not saying that this suggested pondering of Christ's sacrifice and our sin as the catalyst will necessarily be life-changing for you either. But...any amount of considering our sin, considering it's ramifications, considering it's cost and considering the cross can and SHOULD mark us forever in a way that nothing else comes close to.

Now, I've heard it said over and over "if you're focusing on holiness, your focus is in the wrong place, it should be on God" and "focusing on God's holiness will automatically make you holy" and "grace covers everything and God knows our limitations and that we can't be holy on this side of heaven" and "pursuing holiness is just works and legalism and I live under grace" and frankly, it's disturbing me. The fact of the matter is that parts of those statements are certainly true. But, the other parts are cop outs for getting to live how we want to live, talk how we want to talk and do what we want to do because "we're covered." I'm not buying. Scripture is clear that we're to "be holy" in all we "do." (1 Peter 1:15) and that we're to "BE holy" because He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). So, by the grace of God alone and through no goodness of my own, I'm pursuing holiness. I'm straining for it and it's uncomfortable. It informs everything I say and do and how I think..... and I fail regularly. I mean, seriously.......ALL the time. But that's where the grace part comes in! The very process of sanctifying something or making it holy means that it's to be "set apart" and "separate" from defilement. Sin is what defiles us. Sin is what we struggle with. But with every chance to sin, there's the chance not to by the grace of God. The amazing thing about God is that He has put my sin behind His back and has removed it as far as the east is from the west. Sin lost its power over us when Christ bought us who are believers. Sure, I can choose to let sin get victory, or I can choose to systematically put it to death, forsake it and kill it in my life. Make no mistake......this is not about good works, or not sinning so I'll feel better or earn something or even any delusion that this can be accomplished apart from the grace of God. But, it IS about appropriating the grace that is given to us FREELY by the Spirit of God, the power that is available to us.....the same power that RAISED CHRIST from the dead and appropriating that grace and power for defeating sin. So...for the next 35 days leading up to Easter weekend, I'll blog one reason not to sin each day and it'll be the Lent List....because it's catchy and this is the season of Lent. They are from a list I came upon several years ago called "35 Reasons Not To Sin" and they're amazing and convicting.

I don't know if you're giving something up, or purposely not giving something up because everyone else is, or are unsure about the whole giving up process...but rather than specifically giving something up together, I'd love for us to dive in together. Will you go on this journey with me? It will involve commenting from personal experience and/or study and pondering and hopefully won't take you too long each day. I'm not interested in debating and I want it to be uplifting and refining. Iron sharpens iron and we've got a community of believers here and the beauty of social networking to shrink the miles between us. Won't you join me? Can we head toward Easter together by taking a few minutes each day to chew over something and soak in it as we go about our days? I have no doubt God would meet each one of us specifically along the way. I may go all alone, but I'm going nonetheless. I'd love it if you'd come...and bring a friend!

"The pursuit of holiness is a joint venture between God and the Christian. No one can attain any degree of holiness without God working in his life, but just as surely no one will attain it without effort on his own part. God has made it possible for us to walk in holiness. But He has given to us the responsibility of doing the walking; He does not do that for us." - Jerry Bridges

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith." Romans 12:1-3

"Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God." 2 Corinthians 7:1

"But as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; because it is written, Be holy; for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:15-16

See you tomorrow...
peace.

new beginnings & blank pages...

2011-03-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

Ever since our decision to move from California to Atlanta about two months ago, I've been saying : "This is the blankest our pages have ever been." And it's true. We didn't have some master plan and we didn't leave California to come here for a job, nor had we been promised anything. We just knew that we were supposed to step out in faith and that God would write on our pages as He saw fit. The truth is, we've never had an assurance of any of the plans we've made and in that case, it's always been a blank page of sorts. But, before this move, we always had some sort of plan and an idea of how to get it accomplished.

I've loved this blank page journey. It's meant a change of relationships, a redefining of values in our family and our lives, a refocusing of passions and dreams and an increased realization of our total and complete need for the grace and guidance of God upon our lives. We find ourselves actively depending on it every day and clinging to Him (sometimes with a more white-knuckled grip than others) because He's the only constant in an otherwise unknown future.

Here lately, God's graciously written on a few of our pages with the provision of my new position as Director of Passion Kids for Passion City Church. We're so excited! I've loved ministering to kids in all its aspects for many years and have had the privilege of working in several great ministries. One of my favorite parts of the interview process for PCC was when Shelley said to me. "It's rare that people get to start with a completely blank page, and that's what you'll have the opportunity to do here with Passion Kids." And a blank page it is! The building is still under construction and I got to go walk through all of the spaces today. I had chills, watery eyes and excitement as I looked at all of the newness and the places that would soon inhabit the most precious of God's creations. Blank pages. Chances to do something new, something creative, something extraordinary. Chances to dream big, reach high and expect much. Chances to impact, care, invest and love.

My second favorite part of the interview was listening to Louie and Shelley as they cast their vision for Passion Kids. Quite simply, mine is the same. We want kids to meet Jesus. We want to carry the Name to them and in turn, have them surrender their lives to Him and live to carry the Name to others. We want them to learn that it's all about Jesus. We want them to learn about worship and its relationship to justice and we want them to be globally minded. We want to be intentional. In the sense of ministry to children, we're not doing something new and unheard of. We're not in uncharted territory and we're not trying to corner the market on ministry. But, we've got a blank page and we want to be faithful.

All this talk of blank pages is such a reminder to me of another blank page I've been granted and that's the one I've been given in Christ. It's unfathomable to me that the whole reason I'm even getting the opportunity to participate in ministering to children, or to anyone else for that matter, is because I've been counted righteous and been given a completely blank page and clean slate. God looks at me and sees me the very same way He sees His Son. All of His wrath toward my sin was spent when He put His Son through hell on my behalf. He has no wrath left for me and that frees me to serve Him and labor with eternity in mind. I'm grateful that the things I struggle with each day are not counted against me and are covered. I'm exceedingly mindful of the short accounts afforded me by consistent repentance and intentional forsaking of those same things. I'm learning more each day what it means to walk in the grace of that clean record.........that blank page.

I'm looking forward to the day that the kids come in and fill those blank rooms. I'm excited about the opportunity that we will have to invest in them. I'm grateful for the hearts that the Holy Spirit will draw unto Himself. Mostly, I'm grateful for these days of the blank pages. I'm learning that what was once so scary and uncomfortable really just may be some of the best days of all.

peace.

vacuum tracks & reality checks...

2011-03-01T13:35:00.000-05:00

This morning, I was up before the sun. I had reached my breaking point with the insane amount of junk and mess that comes with three kids, busy schedules and lots of people living in one house. I happen to have tons of work in front of me for Passion this week. We've got registration deadlines, cancellation deadlines, price increases and the like. We are one month away from the Fort Worth conference, today, and with that comes a large amount of computer work for me. But I could not put off the cleaning for one more moment. I get unsettled in my soul when I'm unsettled in my home. Now, I'm not a psycho about it or anything - Jeffrey might disagree :) but I do have to have order so that I'm not overwhelmed by stress and becoming unnerved by the most ridiculous things. Even more than usual, the fact that we've picked up and moved across the country in faith and are now living with my parents makes for an absolute blast of adventure, but is still fraught with a measure of uncertainty and "NOW WHAT?"

As I set about the task of picking up after three children, I found myself doing what I always do:

"what made them think THIS was the place for this to go?"
"I should just throw all of these away.........that would teach them not to leave them lying around!"
"I'm going to donate all this to Goodwill! They'd at least appreciate the hard work........unlike some people I know.........
"close quarters.........grrrrrrr.......if only we could spread out more!"
"i had so much more room in my house in California........"

As I was sweating and sorting and shaking and stripping and making and fluffing and placing and folding, it was very tempting to view these things as chores, irritations and interruptions. It was tempting to view these unknown days as unfair. The pity party was looking like a place I wanted to be. Right about the time I was obsessing over my perfect vacuum tracks, I had one of those little thoughts that I get. It went something like this.........

"You wouldn't have to do ANY of these things if I hadn't given you a husband and three children to begin with...and remember....you took a step of faith in making this move. Faith doesn't mean things will necessarily be easy. This is where you get to decide if you actually trust me or if that was all for show." Ugh. It's so true. It didn't take me but 3 seconds to change my attitude from one of self-pity and exaggerated sighing to one of humility and gratitude that God has chosen to glorify Himself by giving me this family and this journey.

I have a husband who adores me and our children and I have three precious children who just last night gathered around me giggling and eyes shining as I told them my made up story of Her Royal Highness Margarita Freshonia, Princess Alicia Farquite and Lord Jacksonian. These days of close quarters and shared spaces are actually precious time we have to invest in our children whose hearts are so tender toward the Lord. The annoyances of lice and ear infections, runny noses and asthma are chances we have to care for them and praise God for the fact that it's nothing more serious. Our blank pages, uncertainty and the unknown are the first time in our lives that we get to pray through every single, solitary decision, consider our course and watch God direct our steps. We can be intentional and we enjoy knowing that.

As I began to ponder more, I was struck by the thought that there are so many moms battling terminal illnesses with their children who would be grateful to have my little annoyances of sicknesses or messy rooms, many women who cannot have children of their own would give anything for piles of childrens laundry and toys everywhere. I know many women who would give anything for a husband as wonderful as mine. Needless to say...pondering turned to conviction, which turned to repentance for my selfishness and self-involvement. The reality check of the blessings God has poured out over me shook me quickly from the little pity party I'd wanted to so vehemently attend a few moments earlier.

I know it will sadly be all too soon before I'm lamenting my plight once again, but for today, I'm grateful for the reality check. I'm looking forward to picking up my children from school, running mundane errands with their chatter and singing in the background, creating more adventures for Her Royal Highness Margarita, Princess Alicia and Lord Jacksonian, and reading more of Pilgrim's Progress (their current favorite) to them this evening.

I know one mom who would probably change places with me were it not for her unshakable faith in God's plan. Her name is Holly McRae and her precious daughter, Kate, is battling brain cancer. Together, Holly, her husband Aaron, and their other 2 children are walking a road many of us will never fathom. If you've not yet joined them on their journey, I urge you to do so. You'll receive a reality check of your own, but more than that, you'll have the privilege of interceding for them, supporting them and encouraging them. I do not know the McRaes personally, but the beautiful thing about the family of faith is that I don't have to. I'm a mother and I have a child Kate's age. I can put myself there in a heartbeat. I've included their information below. Please take time to join their journey.

For now, I'm off to relish my family and the responsibilities that come with it. It's how God gets His glory in my life. Ali just walked in with an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper and announced "oh mommmmmyyyyyyy..........look what I've got for youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!" in her little sing-songy voice. I could just eat her up :)

peace.

http://www.prayforkate.com

my stupid mouth...

2011-02-07T17:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, this blog is titled after a John Mayer song, but it's remarkably accurate. Lately, this journey that God has me on has continually exposed my one BIG and OVER-ARCHING weakness. My. Mouth. Those of you that know me well are thinking, "Really? You're just now reaching this conclusion?" Those of you that have been exposed to me but don't know me well are thinking, "Oh, thank goodness! She does know she has an issue there!" Well, take comfort, friends. I've known since at least high school when my sweet friend Nicole told me that I hurt her with my words on a fairly regular basis. Ouch.

Over the years, my battle with my words has taken many forms. In high school, I was a master at exploiting your weakness, and then camping on it for a little bit and turning it into something everyone else thought was funny and that you probably laughed along with but were secretly dying inside over. That, I fear, is exactly what happened with Nicole. Now, I was by no means a bully. I was even GREAT friends with Nicole. But, I was funny (and was voted "funniest" in my senior superlatives, thank you very much) and I thought that gave me license to take things further than they should go. I wasn't doing this on purpose, but I certainly wasn't doing my due diligence and making sure that my words were healing rather than hurting. Nicole's confrontation was quite a wake up call for me.

During college and my young, single days, (I'm still young, by the way. I am.) I realized pretty quickly that I was far smarter than the average person. I mean, come on. I was the one that would say what everyone else wouldn't say. I would give my opinion on everything, call you on your sin, or my opinion of the sin in your life, let other people know my opinion on your sin, talk to everyone about everyone else and feed off of other big personalities to make myself even more noticeable. Quick sidebar: me thinking I was smarter than everyone else was pure arrogance, me giving my opinion and calling everyone on their sin was pure pride, and me talking to everyone else about everyone else was pure gossip. Also, feeding off other people's big personalities made me just plain annoying.

Anyway.......my friend Todd Fields played an integral role in the life of young, single Shannon. He sat me down and told me that he'd known me since I was a kid and he didn't like who I was when I was around certain people. He knew that wasn't who I really was or who I'd been raised to be and that he wanted to see me held accountable to helping it stop. Ouch. Again.

Though that wasn't the most comfortable conversation I've ever had, it was extremely freeing. You see, the Holy Spirit had already begun to work on that in me. He was pressing that button, if you will. Then, at just the right time, He sent Todd along to confirm what He'd begun. I'm grateful that Todd was faithful! The nice thing about those years and that experience is that now, I never struggle with any of those things anymore.

***

Oh...how I wish that were true. The fact of the matter is...there are some things that I've matured enough not to struggle with very often. I rarely exploit a weakness in someone else for the sake of a funny moment. To their face. Over time, I've learned how to handle my mouth by disciplining myself and knowing what I can say and to whom I can say it. I know the "safe places" where I'm allowed to vent and yell and gossip and ridicule and degrade and spew about others, and the "holy places" where I shalt not. I'm still very funny at the expense of others with the right group of people. I'm still a master of the "we were all thinking it but she just said it!" shock moment. I'm still crass, super sarcastic and gossipy, but only at safe times where my overall reputation isn't on the line. I temper my facebook statuses and twitter posts to be sure that I portray just the right version of myself.

I mean, don't think I didn't have some choice words to say about Fergie's particular vocal stylings during the Super Bowl. But, I typed, erased, typed, erased, typed and erased the statuses enough times that finally, over the roaring of my own arrogance and by the grace of God alone, I heard the Holy Spirit whispering,"Really? Is the funny zinger line REALLY what this is about? Or maybe...just maybe is it about the bigger issue of your heart condition...which, by My design, is always expressed by your mouth?" And so, for the third time, I'm forced to say, "Ouch." Big time. There are a couple of things in my life that the Lord is camping on. With this issue in particular, I feel like he's pulled in a double-wide trailer, planted some shrubs and set out plastic patio furniture...indicating that He'll be here for awhile.

The more I've pondered, the more I've realized that this isn't just about the gossip, or the sarcasm, it's about the complaining, the raised voices with my children, the grumbling about this or that, the tone of voice I use to speak to my husband, the big sigh, the disgusted groan, the under the breath mumble, the whining and anything else that proceeds out of my mouth.

"Are you kidding me, Lord? All of it?" "Yep...all of it." "But I have THREE SMALL CHILDREN!" "That I gave you." "I have a husband who doesn't leave the house exactly as I like it!" "I gave you him, too." "But, Lord! She's annoying and always has to be right!" "And I made her in My image." "A monkey could do that job, Lord. He's stupid." "And yet, I've put him in your path today and your response is all I'm really concerned with." (long, uncomfortable pause.) "oh."

In typical fashion, God sent along someone to underscore what He is teaching me. Fortunately for me, it was Beth Moore. I mean, I'm sure she intended her tweet for others as well, but it seemed specifically designed for me...and I'm sure in God's infinite wisdom, it was. This was her tweet (twitter post, for you non-tweeters): "Today's challenge to anyone who's game: Go all day 'till falling asleep tonight without complaining or criticizing a single time..." Then, right after that tweet, I walked out to kiss Maggie on the head and realized that she AGAIN had lice. AGAIN!!! Ugh...(without complaining or criticizing...without complaining or criticizing...) Hmmm...in case I had designs on convincing God that my complaining, criticizing, grumbling and gossip were justified, I was now the one convinced that they are NOT.

My heart's desire is for my words to bring life and healing and to ultimately harness for God the MOST glory possible. I no longer want to be guilty of blessings and cursing out of the same mouth. The Book of James makes it very clear that this ought not be so! (James 3:10) Besides...while I'm busy allowing my flesh to run rampant with my tongue for evil, I may never know how the Spirit intends to harness it for His glory and use it for good.

And so it begins! Again! It's the seemingly insurmountable climb up the mountain of my verbal vexation. My journey will be lengthy and laborious, will most certainly be fraught with peril of many kinds and will without a doubt be grueling. You close friends also get the distinct privilege of holding me accountable! I know, I know......you can thank me later. I do believe though, that He who began a good work is ALWAYS faithful to complete it. This is certainly a good work.

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

"Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:3-8

peace.

musings on michael jackson...

2011-02-03T16:14:00.001-05:00

this was a post from the summer shortly after Michael Jackson died.

Let me just start by saying that this is not going to be a feel-good walk down the memory lane of the king of pop's kingdom. If you're reading this for some sort of moving tribute, you will probably want to just head on back to the home page of facebook. I feel it necessary to give fair warning so that you are not unpleasantly surprised if this is what you are seeking. I feel, however, after a little tour around facebook today, that there are some things that need to be said...then they can stop bouncing around in my brain!

Now, if you are even still reading this far, if for no other reason than sheer curiosity, I do want to say that Michael Jackson's contribution to the worlds of music, culture and charity have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated by me. Music moves me. Plain and simple. This man was talented unlike anything that had ever been observed. His songwriting, dance and musical ability in general and his ability to cross genres with his music, his collaborations and his creativity have been often imitated and almost never duplicated. So...with all that said...

I have been stunned and mostly confused and certainly disappointed at the "christian" response to this man's death that has been going on over this particular social networking site for the past two weeks. We have certainly been swinging for the fences. The interesting thing is that not unlike the presidential election of several months back, we seem to have thrown God, His sovereignty and the whole counsel of scripture out the window for a feel-good, self-soothing and culture-embracing hybrid of truth...if it can even be called truth. We are batting scripture around with no regard for context and inserting our own assertions about what's probably going on in heaven or hell right now. We are attacking fellow believers because of where we've decided that they should stand and we are quick to speak for God and what He would say on the issue.

In God's infinite wisdom and sovereignty, He knew ahead of time that we would feel an insatiable need to make ourselves feel better and to search unceasingly for ways to self-comfort and "find" God in times of tragedy and sorrow. He also knew that we would need a blueprint for pursuing holiness in the wake of our fallen condition and consistent war against our flesh. He even knew our propensity for worship of everything BUT him and substitution of idols of every kind for worship of the only Person worth it. So...in His wisdom, He addressed it all ahead of time in His Word. Referring to the truth contained therein provides the definitive answers to the insanity of the past two weeks.

The things I've read recently have rendered me speechless on many more occasions than I'd care to admit. If you know me at all, you know that rendering me speechless about anything is a feat of epic proportions. Claims that Michael Jackson is now moonwalking for the entertainment of God, that he was a sick pedophile who got exactly what he deserved and that it would've been better if someone had "popped" him for being a child abuser, and everything in between from those of us who call ourselves believers, have left me searching to make sense of the chaos. There are several facts that I feel it is important to remember, in light of everything we've witnessed.

1. All of Michael Jackson's poor choices, "secret" proclivities, extravagances, excesses and strange behaviors were on parade for all to see. We are so quick to argue that He should've known better, that He was a freak and that He brought it all on himself. The funny thing is that the ONLY thing that separates Michael Jackson from you and me IS the celebrity status. We can be so self-righteous in our finger pointing and yet from where God sits, there is ZERO difference in Michael Jackson and in you or me in relation to our sin and our position before God. His laundry list of "reputation damaging" exploits does not differ from ours. Sin is sin. Gossip, slander, malice, sexual promiscuity and perversion, pornography, addiction, lying, stealing, idol worship, gluttony, lack of self control, pride. And that just hits the highlights of what is probably hanging out on most of our lists. I shudder to think what fodder the media would have on each of us and what we struggle with if they thought anyone would actually care. It's easy to point the finger at the "wacko" when we've got our lists tucked safely in our pockets away from the prying eyes of the world. The judgment seat is a super comfortable one until the standard of the Holy One gets applied. Then, everyone assumes their rightful place as GUILTY, unable to offer anything in defense of themselves. (Romans 3:23)

2. The only hope for Michael Jackson, Shannon Scott or any of us rests in one place and one place alone: the unmerited and undeserved grace of God, the drawing of the Holy Spirit unto the Father and our acceptance of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ's flesh and blood body on our behalf as the full and complete payment for the sins which separated us eternally from the Holy One. Anything less than, next to, in addition to or in place of that is insufficient. There is nothing that can be added to or subtracted from the cross of Christ...the Gospel. It is completely sufficient and alone is the standard which must be applied for determining one's position before God and eternal security. (Romans 1:16)

3. We will NOT know definitively on this side where Michael Jackson is spending eternity. Of several things, we CAN be certain. He is spending it somewhere. He had a certain number of days appointed on this earth and when that number of days were up, he died. He does not get a do-over, and neither do we. We also are living out the number of the days appointed for us. We do not know when that number is up and what we do with that number of days will have a profound impact, one way or another. We should probably stop short of spouting our opinions on one's eternal destiny. Scripture is clear that we will know people by their fruits, but the only One who can make the determination on the destination is God. He alone is sovereign and none of us knows what the end result was in this man's life. (I Cor. 4:5)

4. There is no one entertaining God in heaven and He doesn't need to be spoken for. GOD IS IT. He is the center of attention, the star of the show, the focus, the main attraction and He does not share His glory with another. Everything is by Him and about Him and for Him. Those of us who know Him will spend eternity with no idol confusion or divided loyalties. He alone is worthy. My friend Steve Fee said it well when he said "The king of pop now stands before the King Of Glory. Fame redefined." (Isaiah 48:11)

5. If we have this much time to care infinitely about, join fan clubs in honor of, DVR funeral services honoring, argue on FB with those differing in opinion over, and spending countless dollars music and paraphenalia buying all about someone with whom most of us had zero amount of actual human contact..... couldn't we at least get fired up and motivated to share the beauty of the Gospel with those we DO have human contact with whose number of appointed days are ticking by as well? Couldn't we spend the time to surrender and relinquish the right to harbor the sins we hold so dear, rather than condemning those of another? If we spent as much time, effort and money on making a difference for eternity's sake as Michael Jackson did to make a difference in the world, I think we'd be amazed at how different our landscape might be. (Psalm 139:16)

Time will march on, other celebrities will die just like all of the celebrities who've gone before. We may become complacent again and then we will all be shaken out of our reverie and begin grasping for ways to define it, explain it, commemorate it and remember it. What we need never forget is that there is one Person and one Person only who's ever died and deserved every bit of the press that His death garnered and more...and then, three days later...He rose again. Now THAT is newsworthy and never gets old.

peace.

a higher standard...

2011-02-03T16:13:00.000-05:00

God stirs ideas and trains of thought around in me for a while and then brings me to an inevitable point where I have to write them down and put some skin on them.

This is one of those days.

Lately, I’ve been on a literal quest to learn what it means to be holy. Now, in the event that you’re tempted to think “wow…how self righteous is she?”, let me assure you that the reason that I’m on this quest is because I’m confronted daily with how miserably I am failing at this concept. I’m doing a study on the fear of God (which I don’t recommend unless you want to have your world rocked) and am realizing with each passing day how easily I diminish God and fit Him into my world. I know, I know, I’ve listened to enough John Piper in my life to grasp the concept of the supremacy of God in all of life, right? Sure. What I don’t think I’ve started to grasp until just recently is what the supremacy of God looks like in all of MY life. I mean, it’s really easy for me to say “Obama’s president because God is sovereign and He placed him there,” or to say “I believe God’s in charge of everything and could’ve healed him or her of cancer if He’d wanted to, but He’s God, so I trust Him.” I can also sit at the greatest conferences in the world and listen to this generation’s foremost communicators extol the majesty and holiness of God and be stirred to my very core by the truth they speak. Then, moments later can be led quite literally into the throne room of God by worship leaders whom He’s inspired to give voice to the praises that are due Him and believe with everything in me what I’m singing. But…what then? What does God’s supremacy look like in MY life, and what does it look like for me to answer the call of 1 Peter 1:15-17 “But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written ‘Be holy because I am holy.’ Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live as strangers here in reverent fear.”

I gotta tell you…I don’t feel like a stranger here. I’m pretty comfortable in this world and in my life. And, let’s be honest…compared to the pagans I see and even some of the Christians, I’m not doing too badly at this holiness thing either. “That’s not your measuring stick.” Ummm….perhaps I could pause long enough from patting myself on my self-righteous back to let that sink in. “That’s not your measuring stick. The pagans of the world and even the other Christians of the world are not your measuring stick. I am your measuring stick. Be holy because I am holy.” There’s a snap to perspective for you. When true holiness is on the line, the God-kind, it’s suddenly quite clear how short I fall.

Who am I kidding? I’ve actually had the audacity to create a hybrid version of holiness! Some kind of worship singing, church serving, sermon listening, family presenting, good deed doing, tithe check writing, republican voting, cause supporting, mission trip funding version of holiness that still allows me to cater to my gossip spewing, partiality showing, tv show craving, addiction feeding, possession loving, superior attitude sporting, language using, judgment rendering, “secret” sin fostering lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed, with a few well-placed “that’s what she said” moments on the top, just because they’re darn funny. I mean, I’m sure I’m the only one who struggles with this, but in my world, I really want to know what it means to actually BE holy, not just talk about it. I want to know what needs to change about my life if my measuring stick really is the holiness of God.

I think the founders of that whole “what would Jesus do?” movement, had it right. I don’t know that the execution of it was great, and it’s sad when it’s even made fun of in Christian circles, but the premise is right. What would it look like if Jesus were walking with me through my days? How would having a truly holy person walking by my side impact my decisions? If I knew that Jesus were watching me, what would I do differently? Oh….wait…aren’t all of those things true? Isn’t that EXACTLY what is happening? Don’t I have the Holy Spirit of God living inside me empowering me with the same power that raised Christ from the dead? Of course I do, but I don’t want to leave the comfort of my world-influenced life most of the time to walk in that reality. Well, it’s getting old. This ride of pseudo-holiness is losing it’s luster. It’s time to set a higher standard and use the ultimate measuring stick to evaluate the progress. But then again…maybe that’s just me.

peace.

time for restored joy...

2011-02-03T16:11:00.000-05:00

a post from january of 2009

So I was cleaning the house today and blasting my iTunes as is my general practice. Usually I have it on my dancing music, but today just really felt like it needed to be the worship playlist. I try to follow through on those “gut feelings” when they come because I’m learning that if I follow through, the Holy Spirit is nudging me toward something I need to experience and/or learn. Today was especially poignant and I knew why pretty quickly. After some trips through Lincoln Brewster and Passion singing at the top of my lungs, came Mac Powell’s voice blaring through with no flashy musical introduction. “Hide your face from my sins, and cover my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Don’t cast me away from your presence. Don’t take your Spirit from me.” These words are from Psalm 51 and are David’s pleas to the Father after being confronted by Nathan over his adultery with Bathsheba. Of course, I, being a really good christian, have never lured a bathing woman to my palace where I was watching her from a rooftop, slept with her, gotten her pregnant and had her husband killed, so I was able to sing through these words without too much pause...after all...I AM a really good christian. Then came the chorus...

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation, restore to me the wonders of your love, restore to me the joy of your salvation, restore to me...restore to me.” At that point, I felt the all too familiar throat-clearing of the Holy Spirit. That’s how He deals with me, you see. There are not usually lights and sirens...no flares sent up...just that little “ahem.” If I’m wise, I always pause when that occurs. The times I get into trouble are when I don’t. So...it came and I asked my question. “Okay, Lord...what do I need to see?” As I started to listen, I started to realize that I was singing along harmonizing with Candi and Mac perfectly while not really listening to what I was singing. What does it look like to know the joy of my salvation? Am I even remotely operating in that joy? Could I even name the wonders of His love if asked right now? Sure, I could give all the “christianese” answers in the world, but what are the wonders of His love for ME, and what is the joy of MY salvation? This sent me on a quest. First...to Psalm 51...what does this Psalm mean for me, since I’m a pretty good little christian? Why am I being sideswiped by this song today?

“Have mercy on me, O God according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight...” "...Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”

Hmmm....granted, I’ve never done what David did...or have I? If the thoughts and the attitudes of my heart were scrolling across my forehead, would I want to run and hide in a cave? Um...yeah. If the sentences of condemnation that I hand down in my mind to those that I consider beneath me in dress, social status or overall existence were plastered for all to see, would I be embarrassed to tears? Um...yeah. If the things I were really thinking about someone while I’m staring them in the face and pretending to be polite were actually being played on a tape recorder for all to hear, would I be utterly ashamed? Um...yeah. If what I did, said and thought when I knew no one would ever know were to suddenly be made public, would people have a radically different perception of me than before? Probably. “But the only person that matters DOES really see, hear and know all of those things. He’s the one who was beaten, suffered and died to free you from that, and He knows ALL of it. Perhaps you are a little more like David than you’d like to believe.” That was it. The punch in the gut moment. And...as I listened to Candi sing the second verse in stunned silence, it all seemed much more applicable to my life. You see, when I view myself correctly and through the lens of the holiness of Christ, my sins and iniquities become very apparent. I’m riddled with them and they threaten to consume me. They are not “little” as compared with David’s...they are exactly the same and when I view them as God views them, covered in His blood pooled at the foot of the cross, they put me in a perfect position to recognize the wonder of my salvation. When I'm on the ground at the foot of the cross of Christ, I can suddenly see the wonder of it all quite clearly.

“Hide your face from my sins and cover my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Don’t cast me away from your presence, don’t take your Spirit from me.” Then, it occurred to me that if I were actually living in the restored joy of my salvation, and reveling in the wonders of His love, I might be less likely to be living in my flesh-consumned palace rooftop state. So...I began to ponder the joy and the wonder of...

perfection. He who knew NO sin, yet became sin on my behalf so that I could become the righteousness of God in Christ. (2 Cor. 5:21)

mercy. He does not deal with me as my sins deserve and does not repay me according to my sins. (Psalm 103:10)

forgiveness. In Him, I have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of my sins according to the riches of His grace which He lavished upon me in all wisdom and insight. (Ephesians 1:7)

transparency. Before a word is on my tongue He knows it completely. (Psalm 139:4)

grace. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin
reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life. (Romans 5:20-21)

Those are just the tip of the iceberg. Even a few moments meditating on the true wonder of a God stepping out of heaven to do what no one else could and redeem people who had no hope is enough to bring me to tears, increase my desire for holiness and keep my gaze fixed on eternity. It’s so easy to go from day to day, mundane task to mundane task marking off days on the calendar and scheduling all of my activities around when my favorite shows or sporting events are coming on...after all...those are important things to me! It’s so easy to go through life with my sinful thoughts, secret sins and the sins that I’ve let myself believe really aren’t that bad. After all...no one else knows, right? I sometimes feel I’ve resigned myself to leading a basically comfortable Christian life without considering the fact that it’s not actually about me. I rarely stop to ask in the busyness of three children, a household to keep clean (or at least relatively so), a marriage, service at the church and being all things to all people... “God, you woke me up today. What can I do to bring you the MOST glory moment by moment in this day?” I am resolved to ask this question daily.

I definitely needed the joy of my salvation restored today. Do you? Have you stopped to marvel that you were chosen? That there is a specific role for you to play in this great story that God is writing? The very fact that you woke up today and are breathing is proof that God’s plan on this earth still includes you! So...look around...notice God’s wonder all around you. Nature, your health, the people you encounter, the differences that you have a chance to make. Give the most glory to God in those moments. Trust me...if you ask Him to show you how, He’ll be faithful to answer. Then, look inward and revel in the joy of your salvation...your selection by God to know Him intimately and His desire to weave you into His plan. Fall on His mercy for the times that you fail and receive the forgiveness that your repentance brings. Then, resolve to pursue holiness for the days He’s numbered for you. It’s so worth it.

peace.

glimpses...

2011-02-03T16:08:00.000-05:00

this was a post from right after the election of Barack Obama.

The Facebook status. Such a little glimpse of a person. From reading my Facebook status updates, you can pretty quickly gather several things about me.

*I appreciate quippy and well-worded updates
*Fall and Christmas make me quite happy
*I’m a die hard Florida Gators fan and a die hard Braves fan
*I love my family
*Jack Bauer is someone I’m REALLY looking forward to seeing again regularly
*I’m a generally happy individual

What you cannot gather about me from my status updates are all of the things that actually MEAN anything and define me. Why? Because you shouldn’t rely on my status updates to get to know me! If you want to get to know me, it’s going to take some effort on your part...you’re going to need to at least read the “info” section of my page, and if that doesn’t tell you enough, or you’re left wanting more, you’ll have to then contact me and engage in conversation that helps your pencil sketch of me become a full color portrait that accurately reflects me.

The travesty of the last few weeks is that many of us have fallen into the trap of deciding a person’s worth to us and to society by reading status updates.

If some poor unsuspecting soul donated their status to getting out the vote for Obama, some of us make a whole host of assumptions about them, their intelligence and mental clarity, their understanding of the word “change” and their hatred of all things God, Republican, American, military, traditional, family and George W. Bush. Never once do we assume that there is any possibility that they have a well-thought out reason for sending their support Obama’s direction and asking you to do the same.

Conversely, if yet another poor unsuspecting soul donated their status to getting out the vote for McCain, others of us immediately begin our list of assumptions. We automatically assume a Bush-loving, white power/black oppression, love war and want to see more of it, gay-bashing, religious fanatic with an antiquated and out-dated world view and with no concept of the fact that change might be good. Never once do we assume that there is any possibility that they have a well-thought out reason for sending their support McCain’s direction and asking you to do the same.

Glimpses. We take glimpses and we try to paint a portrait. Glimpses tell you nothing. Glimpses should leave you wanting more...that’s why they’re glimpses...they are but a small part of the whole picture.

I have a VERY good friend that I invited over to watch the election results with last night. She voted for one guy for President, I voted for the other. The good thing about this was that I was very glad to have a relationship with someone who shared a different view than I do. It gets pretty stale and gray in the world of “my opinion is the right one and all others are inferior and sub-standard in relation to my greatness and knowledge”. We had exactly one conversation about our different choices for President. Her explanation of her choice was well-thought out, substantial and easy for me to see why she’d feel that way. Mine was well-though out, substantial and easy for her to see why I’d feel that way. We didn’t discuss it again. We exchanged a couple of well-executed sarcastic jabs during the coverage, the new President was elected, and then we went about our business. Why? Because we had more than just glimpses of each other on which to base our relationship.

At the risk of sounding overly spiritual, if there even is such a thing...I’m SO glad that God does not base his acceptance of me on glimpses of me. Because of the amount of time I spend carrying out my will and my purposes for my life, I can imagine that the view is often quite a sub-standard one from His perspective. I’m so glad that He views me through the blood of His Son who died to free me from myself and the destiny I was bound for apart from Him. I’m so glad that He can overlook my emotion-filled responses and my unfiltered words at times and say... “well...that was ugly and uncalled for. But, you are covered by the blood of my Son and nothing can separate you from me. I do not deal with you as your sins deserve.”

What if we dealt with others this same way? What if we looked at our blood-covered brothers and sisters and extended to them the grace for their differing opinions that Christ has extended to us in the face of our hell-deserving sin? What if we looked at those we interact with who are hell-bound and spent our time figuring out how to introduce them to the only Person who can really transform their future outlook, rather than arguing with them about temporal leadership that will appear for a moment and then be gone?

The dictionary defines “sovereign” as “one that exercises supreme, permanent authority.” There is only one Person I know who gets that title. What I also know is that God is not more sovereign than He was yesterday because your candidate won and He is not less sovereign than He was yesterday because your candidate lost. He is, however, sovereignly at work and I would venture that He is much more interested in our responses to the circumstances of our life than He is the circumstances themselves. Am I responding to my circumstances, whatever they are, in the way that brings Him the utmost glory...since that’s what He’s about anyway?

Glimpses. Hopefully our glimpses of God and each other make us want to run to know more. God is worth getting to know...that I know for sure.

And for the love of all...I vote for a return to the meaningless status update and leaving the heavy issues for an actual relationship where human contact is required.

Peace.

what I learned from diggers and matchbox cars...

2011-02-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

moving several old posts from my facebook page to here...so everything is in one place...

So this morning, I was making up Jack's bed. He's three years old. Under the covers I found the book that I told him he couldn't take to bed with him last night. It's called "Diggers" and it's his favorite book. This means that after I left his room last night, he proceeded to get out of bed, get the book and get back in bed with it, hiding it under the covers. This behavior follows closely on the heels of an episode at church earlier that same day. It seems that when he was leaving his class after the service, he was not quite ready to stop playing with the little white matchbox car he had found there. So, having recently become aware of the pockets on all his pants, he slipped the car in there on the way out the door with Daddy and got in the car to come home.

Here's what is interesting about these two scenarios...

1) Jack is not allowed to get out of his bed once he's in it. So, knowing this, he had to decide to disobey by getting out of bed to get his book.

2) He'd already asked if he could have the book in bed. I said no. So, he had to devise a plan to get what he wanted anyway...which meant TWO acts of disobedience.

3) EVERY time I pick him up from his class at church, he asks to bring the car he's been playing with all morning. I explain that it's not ours and that we don't take things that are not ours. I then go into this whole long diatribe about the fact that if he takes the car, then it won't be there for another little boy to play with and wouldn't he be sad if some boy in the service before him took a car home and then he couldn't play with it when he got there and blah blah blah...we eventually get out of the classroom with him deciding it's better to leave it. So...he knows we don't take cars home from church.

4) Daddy was picking him up yesterday and he had to decide that even though he knew the whole "mommy lecture" scene, he didn't really want to hear it from Daddy and after all, he has a pocket...so he'll just put it in there even though he knows it's wrong...after all...playing with it will be MUCH more fun than leaving it.

Of course, as is the case with both Jack and Maggie, eventually in the car, the guilt is too much to bear and the whole ugly story comes out. Daddy responds with explaining that he will now have to go back to the director of Preschool next week and explain that he took the car and ask for forgiveness. He also will not be able to play with the car that he's taken. As of this moment, it sits on our counter...a reminder of the perils of taking things that are not ours.

Then...later that same night, the "Digger Episode" occurs.

So...as I'm making Jack's bed this morning and find the book, I actually say out loud to myself, "Are you kidding me? Did you really think you weren't going to get caught?", when God graciously pricked my spirit and might as well have audibly said "Well, did you, Shannon? Jack's only doing what you do all the time..."

BOO. It's not fun at all when God uses your preschool children to illustrate your own fallen condition, by the way. But...as I finally said "Okay, Lord...where are we going with this?" I began to realize that I do the exact same thing that my sweet boy did multiple times yesterday. What's even worse is that I don't have the excuse that I'm three years old!

I make a conscious choice to sin. I even lead myself to believe that it's not a big deal because after all, I'm still doing a lot of "christian" things. I feel the poke in my rib cage by the Holy Spirit and more times than I care to count, I decide "nah...I'm not quite ready to be done with this, yet. I'll repent later." What I don't factor into these absurd decisions is the grief that it causes the Spirit, the fellowship that it breaks with my Creator and the holiness process that grinds to an abrupt halt in my life. The root of all of these attitudes and behaviors? Pride. Pride is at the root of all sin. CJ Mahaney defines pride as "contending for/competing for supremacy with God and lifting up our hearts against Him". Wow. Come on, that's not really what I'm doing... "Pride has only one end. Self-glorification." Oooo...yeah...that sounds about right. Yuck.

So, as I proudly judged my son this morning and thought, "who does he think he's dealing with here?", I received a much needed kick in the gut from Someone who has the only right to ask "Do YOU know Who you're dealing with here?"

I'm considering carrying a matchbox car around with me to remind me of what amazing grace I've been extended on the basis of nothing I've done. I am a very grateful girl today. Mahaney's daily prayer has become a great example to me in recent days of what I believe should be the posture of my heart.

"Father, I want to stand as close to your cross as I possibly can, because it's harder for me to be arrogant when I'm there."

Peace.

thirty-five reasons not to sin...

2011-02-02T12:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted a blog in six months. This is not because I don't have anything to say. Anyone who knows me knows that this is a virtual impossibility. I haven't posted because the amount of information, journeying, deciding, contemplation, wrestling, elation, trusting, stillness, sadness and silence have been too overwhelming to process. But, the time has come to begin the processing. So, I'm sure I'll be posting more frequently as I wrestle through it all. I know you're simply about to fall off of the edge of your seat with anticipation. If nothing else, this will accomplish the task of helping me process it all. That's what writing does for me.

One of the things that I am wrestling with is how amazingly PRESENT my flesh is at the drop of a hat. I think I've lived in this delusion that one of these days, I just simply won't have to worry about it any longer. I find myself wondering if those I admire so much in the faith even struggle any longer...because any time I hear them speak or sing, I find myself thinking "good grief! They're so like Christ!" Whether they're peaceful or powerful, articulate or artistic or any combination of these and more, I feel a profound sense of having NOT arrived when I'm around or impacted by these people.

Now, there's no need to instruct me on the fact that these people haven't actually arrived at total Christ-likeness. I know they're on a journey just like I am. I do find myself growing so weary of my sin, however, and wonder if there will ever be a measure of relief. The fact is...I'm still pondering this. Now, when I say "sin", I'm not talking about my struggle with robbing banks, cheating on my taxes, lying about my kids' ages to get them into sports or schools, nothing like that. I am talking about the things I'm tempted to classify as "little". The things that I am tempted to brush aside as not being a big deal...but the very things that they Holy Spirit points at when I ask that dreaded question: "Lord is there anything in my life that isn't pleasing to you?" The list often feels too long to number. So...as I wrestle, I'm reminded of something I stumbled across a few years ago. It hit me profoundly then and has done so again as I've re-found it. Maybe it will help you as you wrestle with the things He's pointing at in your life. I know it's making me squirm...

35 Reasons Not To Sin

1. Because a little sin leads to more sin.
2. Because my sin invites the discipline of God.
3. Because the time spent in my sin is forever wasted.
4. Because my sin never pleases but always grieves God who loves me.
5. Because my sin places a greater burden on my spiritual leaders.
6. Because in time my sin always brings heaviness to my heart.
7. Because I am doing what I do not have to do.
8. Because my sin always makes me less than what I could be.
9. Because others, including my family, suffer consequences due to my sin.
10. Because my sin saddens the godly.
11. Because my sin makes the enemies of God rejoice.
12. Because sin deceives me into believing I have gained what in reality I have lost.
13. Because sin may keep me from qualifying for spiritual leadership.
14. Because the supposed benefits of my sin will never outweigh the consequences of disobedience.
15. Because repenting of my sin is such a painful process, yet I must repent.
16. Because sin is a very brief pleasure for an eternal loss.
17. Because my sin may influence others to sin.
18. Because my sin may keep others from knowing Christ.
19. Because sin makes light of the cross, upon which Christ died for the very purpose of taking away my sin.
20. Because it is impossible to sin and follow the Spirit at the same time.
21. Because God chooses not to respect the prayers of those who cherish their sin.
22. Because sin steals my reputation and robs me of my testimony.
23. Because others once more earnest than I have been destroyed by just such sins.
24. Because the inhabitants of heaven and hell would all testify to the foolishness of this sin.
25. Because sin and guilt may harm both mind and body.
26. Because sins mixed with service make the things of God tasteless.
27. Because suffering for sin has no joy or reward, though suffering for righteousness has both.
28. Because my sin is adultery with the world.
29. Because, though forgiven, I will review this very sin at the Judgment Seat where loss and gain of eternal rewards are applied.
30. Because I can never really know ahead of time just how severe the discipline for my sin might be.
31. Because my sin may be an indication of a lost condition.
32. Because to sin is to not love Christ.
33. Because my unwillingness to reject this sin now grants it an authority over me greater than I wish to believe.
34. Because sin glorifies God only in His judgment of it and His turning of it to good use, never because it's worth anything on it's own.
35. Because I promised God would be Lord of my life.

Relinquish your rights.
Reject the sin.
Renew the mind.
Rely on God.

©1992 Christian Communicators Worldwide, Inc.

peace.

along came a spider...

2010-08-12T19:53:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I had one of the most frightening experiences that I can remember. It was a relatively small experience by most standards and certainly wasn’t comparable to a near-death collision or escaping a burning building, but for me, it was very, very scary. In fact, it was the first time that I have ever literally been physically paralyzed by fear.

I was home alone with my kids and Jeffrey was out of town. We were getting ready to go to church and things were going very well. Once I had showered and dressed, I headed out of my room intent on going to the bathroom to dry my hair. I walked into the hallway and saw, to my horror, the biggest spider that I’ve ever seen in real life. It was between the bathroom and me, and its body was the size of a matchbox car. Now, before you are tempted to think that I’m exaggerating, let me assure you that I’m dead serious. I actually blinked several times to be sure that my eyes were not deceiving me. As I stood there gaping at it, I had several thoughts in rapid-fire succession: “What do I do now?” “Is it alive?” (It immediately began walking and I was then quite sure that it was, in fact, alive.) “How dare Jeffrey be out of town when I am here in fear for my life?” “If I just close my eyes and ignore it, will it disappear?” “What do I do if it starts walking toward where my kids are sleeping?” As I was trying to sort through all of these thoughts I was having, Jack (5 yrs) came out of the room and I screamed, “Stop!” I mean, he was walking right toward it! He stopped, very obediently, looked down and said in his very sweet little voice, “Mommy? Are you gonna kill that?” I said, “Well, buddy, I want to, but I don’t know how!” He responded, “Just step on it.” It was at that moment that I realized it. I was completely paralyzed. No matter how much I mustered up the courage, I literally could not propel myself forward to step on the thing. I was overcome by fear. Then, my knight in shining armor spoke. “Mommy, I’ll step on it for you if I can have my shoes.” The amount of relief that flooded through me as a result of my little boy’s statement was amazing. Someone was going to help me!

I obediently went and retrieved the shoes and he put them on. Then, without a moment’s hesitation, he started walking toward the dreadful thing. I was cheering him on with all of the encouragement I could scrounge up. As he neared the spider, my cheering got louder. Then, he stepped on it. That’s when the horror really began. At the moment his foot clamped down on that spider, HUNDREDS of little spider babies ran out in all directions fleeing for their lives. The screaming really began then! Except for Jack. As I’m running around like a crazy person, he’s perfectly calm and saying “that’s weird!” and then, “oh man, I really don’t want the spider to stick to the bottom of my shoe. I hate it when that happens!” The only thing I could find was Lysol. I grabbed it and immediately began drowning every spider baby I could see. I’m quite certain some got away and will come back to haunt me later, but I thoroughly drowned all of the ones in my sight.

I’m not gonna lie…we were late for church and for the entire rest of that day and the next, I would involuntarily shudder and gag. I have also begun to compulsively check every inch of the floor before walking into the hallway or our bathroom or bedrooms. She had been there, so it wasn’t hard for me to believe that her little arachnid brothers would come looking for her soon! I will probably look around for spiders for a long time. Perilous experiences tend to have that effect on you.

A day or two later as I was recounting the story to Jeffrey, the Holy Spirit started using it as an object lesson for me. On a side note, I’ve asked God to teach me object lessons using some means other than flesh-eating diseases and large scary bugs from here on out…but, I digress.

I realized this wasn’t the first time I’d been paralyzed by fear, as I’d first thought. Some years ago, I was facing the giant spider of poor choices and flesh-satisfying sin. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to get rid of it. I knew that ignoring it would not make it go away and that even if it disappeared in the present, then just like the spider, I would never know when it would show up in the future to taunt me. The only way to get rid of it for good was to kill it. Much like the spider, I even knew HOW to kill the sin, but could not seem to muster up the courage to do it. I was paralyzed. Let’s be clear here…I wasn’t somehow confused about what I was doing or in some state of total delusion as to whether it was wrong. But, I have a very adept way of downplaying and minimizing things, as well as talking myself into believing that I had things under control. In this situation, before I knew it, my downplaying, minimizing and rationalizing had set me looking smack in the face of the biggest, scariest, pregnant spiritual spider that I’d ever encountered. Interestingly, many of the thoughts that I had about the physical spider also applied to this spiritual one. “What will I do if it starts walking toward my husband or children?” You see, as much as we like to deceive ourselves and believe that our struggles don’t impact those around us, that is just simply not true. I knew that if I didn’t get a grip, it wouldn’t be long until my selfishness began to negatively impact my husband and children and those around me that I called friends, not to mention the ministries that God had called us to. Pretty soon, it became clear to me that even though closing my eyes and pretending it didn’t exist and/or just walking back into my life, waiting five minutes and then going back out to hope it had disappeared were FAR more appealing, they were not, in fact, lasting solutions. My only option was to KILL it.

Much like my dance with the spider, some of our dances with sin threaten to absolutely paralyze us into mind-numbing fear. As much as we’d like to fancy ourselves strong and resilient and able to handle anything, there is an enemy out there who’s dead-set on our demise…and he’s done his homework. But, greater than our enemy is the God who’s created us, knows every intimate thing about us, and also knows when we’re unable to walk forward ourselves. He’s already sent His Spirit and His Word to warn, comfort, re-direct, rebuke and restore us, but in some cases, He sends along an earthly knight in shining armor. My knight in shining armor came in the form of my best friend. I couldn’t talk to anyone and was afraid to be candid with even her for fear of rejection or judgment. But, none of those horrible things happened. In fact, I found in her a person who was willing to say “are you gonna kill that?” and then was willing to walk along with me and help me stomp on it. Unfortunately, much like the spider, stomping on sin unleashes many consequences, to be sure. Sometimes the consequences scatter in all directions and you feel like a crazy person running around to drown them all. But, by the grace of God and the help of a brother or sister in Christ, victory is completely possible! It is amazing grace, by the way. Though the hundreds of little baby spiders seemed almost too much to manage, I shudder to think what I would have been dealing with had she been allowed to grow those things to maturity and actually give birth to them! I’m sure you can guess that the same is also true with sin. The consequences that come from a decision to eradicate sin are far less future-destroying than allowing sin to grow and give birth. Death is all that follows at that point.

In the same way that I look around for spiders almost compulsively, I am extremely sensitive to situations that even hint at the area in which I struggle. I’m sure to most people who’ve encountered it, it seems like an exaggerated response and an overly protective and guarded one at that. I’m okay with it. They’ve not been where I’ve been and I hope they never are. I’m sure there will come a day when I don’t look for giant, pregnant spiders around every corner, but one single sighting will instantaneously take me back to that day. I honestly hope there’s never a day that I grow a little more comfortable about what I’ve walked through. I hope any mention of similar scenarios or struggles of others bring me immediately to a place of desperation for people to find deliverance and I pray that God gives me the chance to invest in others out of the overflow of the grace extended to me.

What about you? What are you rationalizing, controlling, or explaining away? What instantly comes to mind if you stop and spend five minutes stilling your heart before the Lord? That’s where the battle needs to begin. Ask God to send you help. He will be faithful to do so. Dive into His word and find hope. There is rest to be found when we finally face scary sin head on and stomp it to death.

“In temptation our theology becomes cloudy. The truth is, there’s no such thing as a private moment. God is always watching.” Randy Alcorn

“We fear the consequences of confession because we’ve yet to experience the consequences of concealment.” Andy Stanley

“But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:14-15

“…but where sin increased, grace increased all the more.” Romans 5:20b

“If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But, if we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:6-9

peace.

weeds, wounds & wonder...

2010-06-06T18:26:00.000-04:00

The other day I decided it was time to weed the backyard. It's not a particularly hard job as the yard is smaller than a postage stamp and is mostly decorative rocks. Or at least I THOUGHT it wasn't a particularly hard job...

You'd think that with no lawn and therefore no grass in the backyard, it wouldn't be a place weeds would frequent. Well, you'd be wrong. As I got out there, got down into it and took a look around, there were weeds everywhere. I mean, everywhere. They were popping up through every little nook and cranny. I started pulling and before I knew it, a quick "pull some weeds here and there while I talk on the phone" job turned into "spend the entire afternoon pulling weeds and get the last of it done before the sun goes down" job. It wasn't exactly how I'd planned to spend my day, but some really cool things took place during my unplanned day.

My kids realized what I was doing and all three of them came running out of the house and started asking "Mommy, can I help? Can I help?' Of course I was thrilled to have any help whatsoever, so I explained that we were pulling out anything that was green and that we had to be sure to get the roots. You can imagine that with an 8 year old, 5 year old and 3 year old pulling weeds, "thorough" was not a very prominent concept. They did their best, but no matter what part of the yard I put them in and asked them to take care of, they'd eventually gravitate to where I was. They wanted to pull weeds right beside me and didn't want to handle things on their own. Though it wasn't as productive as I would've liked, or as time-efficient, I eventually realized that God had put these little weed-pullers right beside me to teach me some things.

The first thing that He reminded me was that I ought to be quite grateful for three kids who even wanted to spend time right beside their mommy. There might come a day when these moments wouldn't be so prominent. I very quickly told my frustration and my desire to be efficient, quick and task-oriented to shut up and take a hike. As the kids pulled weeds around me, Jack became very confused as to the reason that we were pulling up the flowers. "Mommy, this is not a weed, right, because it's so pretty!" "No, Jack, that IS a weed and we have to pull it. It disguises itself as a pretty flower so we'll think it's pretty, but all the while it is choking out the good flowers around it!" Jack pulled the "pretty flower" out of the ground and said "huh...well, it might be pretty on top, but the roots are just as ugly as ever!" It doesn't take a genius to know what God was teaching me there...

If I look at my life from the level of my back porch, I might tend to think I'm doing okay. I mean, I love God, I love my family, I don't break the law, I'm a nice person, I do christian things and people probably generally think well of me. If I actually come off the back porch and get down into my life though, I realize that there are weeds everywhere. There are the obvious ones that I know shouldn't be there: gossip, critical spirit, ungratefulness, pride and the like. But then, there are the ones that disguise themselves as pretty, or funny, or harmless. They're the ones that if I don't police and stay on top of, they'll choke out the holiness process. It's the tv shows I get addicted to that not only have nothing God-glorifying in them, they are replete with the things grieve the Spirit of God. It's the music that my flesh LOVES, but that, if I'm honest, is not glorifying to Christ and contradicts the things that I would say are precious to me, like purity. It's the movies that, as a follower of Christ, I really have no business going to because I can tell even from the previews that I'll have to lay my standards down along with the money I'm called to steward in order to see the thing.

Sometimes the hardest part of this whole "life-weeding" process is that what God's calling me to weed out of my life, may not be what He's calling other believers to weed out of theirs. It's easy to judge my holiness by that of other believers and say "well, I mean, EVERYONE watches that show and loves it!" or "come on...everybody thinks that's funny...it doesn't mean we'd actually DO it..." but God doesn't ask me to judge what He's calling me to by the standards of believers around me. He asks me to judge my holiness by HIS holiness and by what His Spirit convicts me of. He asks me to obey, not to bargain with Him. He says that I will be blessed if I obey, not if I give a very well-crafted reason why, in this relevant culture, things are just different...

The other thing He reminded me of is that I'm not allowed to judge other believers by MY standards as much as I'm not allowed to judge myself by THEIR standards. My responsibility is to take care of the weeds in my life as God reveals them to me. My standard is the conviction of the Spirit and the words of scripture. My responsibility is to my Lord. Back to the yard...

At some point during the weeding process, I brushed against poison oak. I had no clue that it had happened, but you can believe that I knew it a few days later! In retrospect, I can see that I did not take the proper precautions before the weeding process to ensure that I wasn't exposed, but sometimes we have to learn lessons like this the hard way. The worst part of the poison oak? It morphed into a severe staph infection. Yep. If it can happen, it will probably happen to me. Here's a pic...

Not long after that pic was taken, the whole arm began to swell. You couldn't even recognize the bones in my elbow or wrist, or what the arm even used to look like! I ended up with an emergency doctor visit, shot and more potent prescription medications than I've been on in quite a while. I'd like to tell you that I wasn't able to make a huge spiritual application from this experience, but you know better, don't you?

Unfortunately, there have been times in my life when I did not take the precautions necessary to avoid exposure and I paid for it dearly. Only in the last few months do I feel like I'm on the other side of quite a long and arduous journey as a result of not weeding like I should and not avoiding some plants altogether! God, in His mercy, used the poison oak and resulting staph infection to tenderly remind me that there are some things that you can't just pull out by the roots and throw away. Sometimes, it gets all over you anyway. In severe cases, no amount of medication or cream makes it feel better. It requires professional assistance to eradicate it. I don't like how I feel when I'm struggling and I especially don't like that I don't recognize myself anymore. In my life, even though I know all of these things, sometimes I still think I can be around the things that have bested me in the past. I don't know if it's a desire to prove I'm okay, or what, but I'm realizing that keeping any shred of the things that have infected me in the past, (be it unhealthy relationships, poor attitudes, bad habits or toxic environments) is about as ridiculous as keeping a poison oak plant in a vase on the kitchen table, but resolving not to touch it. The only way for me to keep from being infected is to avoid it all together.

Unfortunately, the poison oak episode has left me with my first substantial scar. I've never really had any scars up to this point. The pain is gone, the medication regimen is over and the shot did it's job. But, I'm left with a reminder of my little dance with the forbidden plant. Though it's ugly and won't be the most attractive accessory to my sleeveless summer wardrobe, it's also a stark reminder of God's grace to me. I look at it and realize all that He's rescued me from and I'm reminded of the value of weeding regulary and avoiding some things altogether.

But that's not all He taught me that day. As I was down in the weeds pulling and sweating and feeling like it would never be done, my kids suddenly yelled, "MOMMY!!!!!!!!!! Look what we found!!!" I went over and noticed that they'd found the most intricately designed amazing little snail. They were enraptured. They practically had their noses to the ground marveling at the little creature. I admit it...I was amazed too. As he inched along and pulled into his shell and back out again, I explained that he had a little slime all over his body that helped him get around and get into and out of his shell. Sure enough, while we watched, little white foam came out when he pulled into the shell. Really quietly, Jack said "God's so cool." He was right. God is SO cool. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the junk that's in my life and needs to be weeded that I feel like it will never be done and I completely fail to see all the wonder of God around me.

It's true that on this side of eternity it will never all be done. It's also true that every single time I obey Him, I progress further along in the process He's taking me through to conform me to the image of His Son. I can't get so bogged down in the weeding that I miss the wonder of Him though. He's in every morning that I wake up, He's in every smile of my children. He's in every single little detail of my day, down to the white foam on the smallest snail. As the children and I looked around, we suddenly realized that there were about 30 more snails all over the ground, on the posts of our deck and all underneath. They were everywhere! We'd just been so busy weeding that we'd missed it.

As we finished up for the day, I realized that I'm a lot like my kids. I want to stick close to my Father while He points out what needs to be weeded. I also realized that I'm not the only one pulling stuff out. He's right there with me. Lastly, I realized that He wants me to be just as amazed at His handiwork as they are, and that if I look with eyes to see, He'll show me that His wonder is all around me.

peace.

a call to adulterers...

2010-05-09T13:24:00.000-04:00

Either adultery is becoming an alarming trend or I'm just noticing it more. Two particular adulterers have made the headlines in recent months...Tiger Woods and Jesse James. We've got movies like "It's Complicated" hailing all the fun of being the "other woman" and endless tv shows involving plots where "he's sleeping with her, but married to her" or "they're married, but in constant angst because of the other people they'd rather be with" and most of us find ourselves somehow rooting for the secretive affair. I did notice something interesting in human behavior recently, though. When the Tiger Woods scandal broke, and even more so when the Jesse James news broke, public disgust and outrage at these two men was palpable. Why? Why was this the public's response? These men were only doing what the people in the movies we pay to see and the tv shows we schedule our lives around are doing. What makes it worse? Oh....because it's REAL. The deception is real, the betrayal is real, the lies are real, the pain is real, the devastation is real. And...if you've ever experienced the NON-hollywood version of adultery, or if it's ever touched someone close to you, or perhaps even you, you find yourself never looking at it quite the same way again.

I've been pondering this a lot lately for some reason, and the Lord has just not let me get comfortable with the "well...that's too bad...glad it isn't me!" response. The funny thing that I've heard and that I've even said is "how could Tiger cheat on Elin? She's beautiful!" or "How stupid is Jesse to cheat on Sandra Bullock? She's like the nicest, most beautiful, talented person ever! What an idiot!" The obvious inference is that we could understand the affair more if the wife were ugly or mean...right? WRONG! But, we've managed to make it okay to cheat on spouses as long as the story-line is crafted perfectly and we can identify with the angst, oh, and as long as it doesn't touch us specifically. Even more interesting is how we're willing to give some latitude for "those heathens" who cheat, (because we don't expect any more from them?) but are ready to crucify christians, or God forbid, spiritual leaders who commit adultery. "How DARE they?" "How stupid do you have to be?" "Oh, the poor wife/husband and kids." "How dare they continue to lead people while they were neck-deep in sin?" "Can't trust ANYONE these days apparently..." "BOYCOT them!"

Sorry if this seems to hit too close to home. Stick with me, though. In our lives, we have probably been touched directly by situations where a spouse has gone outside the boundaries of their marriage and committed adultery. We've probably encountered pastors, speakers, worship leaders, small group leaders, friends and the like who've had their lives drastically impacted by this particular sin. Lately, I've been finding myself wondering WHY this seems to be so prominent and what if any response God wants from me. I think there are several reasons and one very appropriate response.

I believe that one of the reasons that adultery seems more prominent is because of the sheer availability of other people AND the details of their lives. Facebook, Twitter and MySpace have brought this idea of social-networking to the forefront of our culture. It's never been easier to find out all you do (and sometimes do not) want to know about someone and their family. Though I'm an avid user of both facebook and twitter, there are certain things that I just will not post. It's not necessary and invites a level of familiarity that can quickly breed unhealthy relating with others. Cell phones, text messages, instant messaging and all manner of social networking provides a quick and easy way to lead a completely separate life. Accessibility is high and accountability is low. We as believers would do well to take a good hard look at the social networking in our lives and that of our children. Do we have the amount of boundaries that we should? Have we let any boundaries begin to crumble? Let's shore them up!!

Another huge reason I believe this is becoming more prominent is because we look at the boundaries usually placed on male-female relationships as antiquated and outdated. Even I, who used to be a strict "never ride in the car with a man who's not my husband" supporter have found myself saying "awww...it's not a big deal with him. Nothing would EVER happen with him..." It's become increasingly clear to me in the last year that the boundaries with other males in my life that I had let slide need to be re-instated with a vengeance! With everything from text messages to car rides, there is NO male with whom I need to be carrying on a close relationship separate from my husband! ZERO.

There are a million other reasons (the total depravity of our society, the influence of tv, movies and music, etc.) that contribute to this, but I think the most impactful thing I've been walking through lately is God's very clear direction to me on my response.

Basically, I'm an adulterer. And, what's worse, I'm an adulterer multiple times over. I'm the bride of the living God, Creator of the entire universe, and I cheat on Him regularly. If you're saying to yourself "I cannot believe she went there..." just hold on...'cause I'm REALLY going to go there now.

I have a LIST of things in black and white in a letter from my husband that He's asked me not only not to engage in, but to totally expel from my life. Hold on, I have the list right here...

"sexual immorality, all impurity and covetousness must not even be named among you...let there be no filthiness, nor foolish talk nor crude joking...take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them...be holy in all your conduct...be holy as I am holy...be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry...put away all filthiness...bridle your tongue...do not speak evil against one another...abstain from passions of the flesh...be self-controlled and sober-minded...do not love the world or the things in the world...abhor what is evil...cling to what is good...make no provision for the flesh or it's desires...flee from sexual immorality...glorify God with your body."

It's a very long letter, but those are some of the highlights. The point being, as I was asking God how people could engage in adultery with so much "going" for them and how believers could do it when they know it's wrong, I was struck by the response from Him in my spirit: "The same way you do. You let your defenses down little by little until you're engaged in sin before you know it. You become hardened and desensitized and then you wonder how you got there." He's right. And it's true. That's EXACTLY what happens. Nobody seems to ever wake up one morning and go, "ya know...it's time for a change...I think I'm going to cheat on my husband today." In much the same way, I don't wake up and think "how can I dishonor God and cheat on Him today?" Yet, if I'm not careful, and sometimes even when I am, it happens. I've noticed that it happens MORE regularly when certain areas of my life begin to be allowed to run themselves.

For instance, if I don't determine what I'm going to do with my time, my time determines my day for me. The first thing to get skipped? My time with God.

If I don't determine a standard of what I will and will not watch on television, before I know it, I'm knee-deep in plot lines of shows FULL of the very things God's asked me to FLEE from in my life. Interestingly enough, those shows then begin to determine my time and I plan things around being able to watch them, facebook about them and talk about the characters as though they're personal friends. (Because this one is particularly hard for me, I have this verse in a picture frame right beside my cable box: "I will walk in my house with blameless heart, I will set before my eyes no vile thing." Psalm 101:2-3)

If I don't set the tone in some of my conversations and make a conscious decision to avoid foul-language and off color commentary, those conversations almost automatically descend down that rabbit hole.

There are a million other examples, but let's just say that the Holy Spirit didn't have to reach very far to find ways that I violate my covenant with my God and flirt with the things I should most certainly avoid. It didn't take long for Him to turn "how could he cheat on Sandra Bullock? What an idiot!" into "You have the most beautiful One in all the world in Me, and that doesn't stop you..."

I'm an adulterer. The fact of the matter is, we all are. Some of us have unfortunately experienced the physical ramifications of earthly adultery, but we all experience the spiritual ramifications of our adultery on an almost daily basis. I think God wants us to wake up! This is a wake up call to adulterers. It's time to start viewing the "freedoms" of our life though a stricter grid. It's time to get serious about not blending in with the world and instead being set apart as a holy people. It's time to read God's Word and apply it instead of making excuses about it's cultural irrelevance or outdated ideals. It's time to be okay with not being on the bandwagon of the latest shows or music. It's time to stop taking advantage of the limitless grace of God by cheating on Him and then thinking He should be happy with our church attendance, christian CDs, tithing and small group outings. It's time to wake up.

I have a new found sympathy for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffering through the ramifactions of adultery. And I have a newly burdened heart to intercede heavily for them. I hope that your response to similar situations that you know of is an immediate drop to your knees to intercede for those involved and beg that God's glory be revealed in the midst of it. Any response that doesn't point right back to Christ is probably the wrong one. I also have an uncomfortably clear picture of the depths of my own tendency to wander both from my husband and from my God. I want a sealed heart. I don't want it open to any influences that would try to lead me astray. I don't really even care if I am "in" or "cool" or "culturally in tune" any longer. It's not worth my sanctification. It's going to take some seriously devoted work on my part and some much needed mercy and grace available to me only through the cross of Christ, my beloved, who died for me. "Be holy in all you do." If He tells me to do it, then I can assume He will give me the power necessary to achieve it. And when I fail, I am promised grace and mercy as my reward for repentance and contrition. Truly amazing grace.

Oh to grace, how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above

peace.

bunk beds, junk bowls & other musings...

2010-04-12T23:33:00.000-04:00

So, for the last two months, my life has been pretty well consumed with purging, organizing, packing and moving. What started as a "hmmm...I wonder if we could ever get out of this house and this suffocating mortgage..." conversation with Jeffrey turned into renters for our house and a new house in the mountains for us to rent for $1300 a month less than we were paying on our house. God's provision was evident and now we are moved in, relatively unpacked, we've painted all of the living spaces in my favorite colors, we're close to our dear friends, living on the seventh hole of the golf course and loving the peace, the quiet and most of all, the amazing and sovereign provision of God. Along with this journey has come much time to think and process amongst the craziness of it all.

Our previous house was about 2800 square feet and the house we are living in now is 1900 square feet. We've gone from 5 bedrooms to 3, from multiple living spaces to 1 living space and from being able to be separated in the house to pretty much living on top of one another. There's some adjusting to do! We had to get rid of a lot of stuff and FAST. We had a garage sale, took countless trips to Goodwill and made what seemed like even more trips to the dump. How did we accumulate so much stuff??? Amazingly, the garage at our new house is still FULL of even more stuff that I can't wait to rid us of. It seems to never end. "Why am I keeping this?" "Why have I moved this same item, in this same box, to every house we've ever lived in?" "How many times am I going to move this before I actually OPEN it?" Though I'm tempted to think that I'm the only one who's having these questions, I've been assured through this process that I'm not. I can tell you this though...I WILL NOT REST UNTIL IT IS PURGED!

My children have had to make the adjustment from each having their own rooms and a separate playroom to all sharing a room and not having a playroom at all. We had a big long talk about why Mommy and Daddy were moving us, how fortunate they were to all get to room together and what fun it was going to be. You know what? It's actually worked! They haven't even had a hiccup. The best part? BUNK BEDS. I am now the world's foremost endorser of bunk beds. Whenever you find yourself with a space issue, I recommend them. Whenever you need to make a rooming situation fun, they're your go-to. When you can't spread out, spread up! Maggie and Jack are in bunk beds and Ali's little toddler bed is close by. There wasn't even an argument about who was going to have the top bunk. They had a little meeting and decided amongst themselves without a bit of arguing. We have three chests of drawers in there and a closet. That's about all that will fit in the room and it looks so cute. Now, before you think that I'm bragging about the fact that I have the world's most well-adjusted and perfect children...let me assure you...I am :-)

Through this process I've realized that I can live with SO MUCH LESS. We don't even miss all of the things we sold, donated and trashed. I can't even tell you what most of it was! Amazingly, I've never gone to look for something only to realize that I got rid of it. That's how much stuff we had and didn't need. And we still do. I have to tell you that much like a good book that you can't put down, or the inability to eat only one potato chip, the purging process is quite addicting. It's the good kind of addicting though because it elevates more and more the things that are truly important and diminishes quickly the junk and trash.

Speaking of junk...

We've had a red bowl on our counter for the past three years. It sat right in the middle of the bar, right in the middle of our kitchen and it matched perfectly. It's from Crate and Barrel and it's one of my favorite items. It's purpose has been to act as a catch-all for junk. You see, I'm pretty compulsively neat, but living with four other people who are not has made me find ways to compromise and adjust. One of those ways was by having a junk bowl. I can't stand little things lying around here and there. The way that I broke the family of that habit was by giving them a place for those things to go. EVERYTHING has at some point spent a period of time in the junk bowl. Paperclips, loose change, Ali's hair bows, Maggie's pencils, old receipts, gum wrappers, fast food restaurant toys that nobody really wants, chapstick, guitar picks, Jack's matchbox cars, CDs with no cases, lose keys...you name it, it's spent time in the junk bowl. Then, we moved.

The junk bowl has yet to be unpacked. It also has nowhere to be in the new kitchen. The counter space is such that there's no central place for it. We've lived here two weeks now, and you know what? We haven't missed it! Things actually get thrown away or put where they're supposed to go when there's no junk bowl. I don't get to a point every month or so where I have to spend 20 minutes cleaning out the bowl and putting everything where it goes or throwing it out. I'm loving the prospect of using the bowl for what it was actually intended for. FOOD!

There's a spiritual application here of course. Surely you knew there would be. I've realized that I have junk bowls in my life. Areas that I don't clean out regularly. I let junk build up in these areas that should've been thrown away long ago. We all have them, I think. Friends that we freely gossip with, those that we let our foul language loose around, food that we know we shouldn't eat but overindulge in instead, disrespectful attitudes and speech that we use with our spouses, but wouldn't ever expose to others. All of these are junk bowls and they're unnecessary. Whereas in the physical sense, my junk bowl caused me to have to spend more time than necessary sorting through it all, spiritually speaking, a junk bowl can keep us from the level of intimacy with Christ that we should strive for and it gives Satan a pre-determined area (or areas) of weakness in our lives. It opens us up to temptation and short-circuits the holiness process.

I'm taking steps to get rid of the spiritual junk bowls as surely as I got rid of the physical one. I'm asking the Holy Spirit to convict me of things BEFORE I throw them in my spiritual junk bowl. Dealing with them as they come and throwing them into the trash eliminates the possibility of keeping them around. I'm far from having this process completed and probably always will be. I can already see the benefits though. Do you have any junk bowls? I recommend getting rid of them. We can and should live with so much less junk. I think I'll go make some salad in my favorite red bowl....if i can just find which box it's in...

peace.

homemade sin...

2010-02-05T21:48:00.001-05:00

As I was growing up in the south, I would hear the phrase "that is as ugly as homemade sin." I eventually got to the point that I said it as well in response to things that I found genuinely ugly, like crimped hair, polyester bedspreads or anything bedazzled. The other day, as I was thinking it quite arrogantly about something, I felt that familiar pause in my spirit. "What does that even mean?", I thought. Is it ugly as homemade sin as opposed to drive through sin, or sin that you buy at the Cheesecake Factory? Usually, something homemade is something that a lot of time and effort has gone into and it's far superior to the drive through, or even the Cheesecake Factory. Why is homemade sin therefore the worst kind of ugly? Then, it hit me.

It really is. You see, my homemade sins are the ones that I've cooked up all for myself and taken a lot of time with. They're not my drive through sins of impatience and minor road rage or even my Cheesecake Factory brand of sins such as gossip disguised as concern or a critical spirit disguised as expertise and helpful feedback. They are my well-crafted and well-protected sins. They are the ones that I take great pains to make sure no one discovers. They are the ones that I harbor, justify and argue with the Holy Spirit over when He starts to get too close to them. They are my homemade sins, and they are indeed the ugliest kind.

As is often the case with a homemade item of any kind, the more time you spend with something, the more attached you are to it. The more time you spend with it, the more you know the ins and outs of it and the more you know something, the harder it is for you to let someone else have it. The truth about homemade sin is that Someone else does want it.

In any pursuit of holiness, the time will eventually come when the flashlight comes out and the darkness runs for cover. For me, this process has been a lot like the housework I've done lately. You see, I LOVE a clean house. I can't handle mess. Clutter makes me insane. So...I keep the public areas of my house pretty picked up and clean all the time. Air fresheners are plugged in, scented candles are lit, the pillows on the couch are fluffed and placed just so and everything has to be in this state before I can go to sleep at night. Let's be honest...with three small children this is no easy task, but I simply don't function correctly if it's not done. There's only one problem. Though there may not be any clutter on the outside, there's PLENTY on the inside. Junk drawers, crammed closets, catch-all bins and toy-paloozas exist in all the places you can't readily see. In fact, only if someone went poking around would they find these places. They're well hidden. I know they're there and for awhile, I can ignore them. Lately though, they've been driving me crazy and the clean-out of all of the unseen places has begun. It's so liberating! Bags and bags and bags and bags of toys, clothes and trash have left my house headed for Goodwill and in some cases, the dump. What a great feeling! The cleanup is far from complete, but progress is being made.

I'm sure you can guess where this analogy is headed. Pursuing holiness means a relentless clean-out of the unseen places in my heart as well. You may not know they're there, but I do, and so does my Pursuer. I keep a pretty put-together thing going on the outside. Wife, mom, singer, writer, friend...I wear all of those things and keep everything fluffed and placed exactly where it should be for the most part. Sure, I struggle with drive through and Cheesecake Factory sins, but hey...who doesn't? The good thing is, I keep the homemade sins tucked neatly away where only someone who went poking around would find them. My problem now? Someone is poking. The same Someone who made me unsatisfied with my casual hybrid of holiness is now poking into the dark corners and the crammed closets of my heart. Seems He isn't satisfied with me just looking clean...He actually wants me to BE clean. It turns out that just like a junk-filled house isn't actually clean, neither is a junk-filled heart. In fact, it's ugly as homemade sin. The good news is that the clean-out of the ugly places has begun. It's so liberating! Step by step obedience has been required and hard things have been asked of me. But, by God's grace, some things have gone to the dump.

Try as I might, I will never fully grasp the grace of God for me. The fact that He knows intimately all of the corners of my dirty heart and then washes them with His blood and calls me CLEAN is unfathomable to me. The fact that He knows just how white-knuckled my grasp is on some of this junk and that He still ever so gently points in their direction and says "You want to be holy as I am holy? That has to go." but He doesn't get mad or frustrated or grow weary of my selective hearing. I am overwhelmed as I think about how far I have to go, but I am so comforted by God's promises in His Word concerning my heart when I let Him have His way with it. By the way...His promises are for your heart too.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

"I will give you a new heart and will put a new spirit within you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and will give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

peace.

"right"eous indignation...

2010-01-18T14:52:00.000-05:00

Thanks to those of you that have come along on the journey so far and have sent emails, texts or left comments on the blog. Very humbling. Very encouraging. You are loved.

So...anywho...

One of the things that I get the privilege of doing each year is registration for the Passion Conferences that take place each January. Passion is an amazing movement geared toward college students and helping them discover how to live for the fame and renown of Jesus on their campuses and in their worlds. If you don't know about Passion, get to know it! www.268generation.com.

Passion registration entails what you might imagine that it does...making sure that the students get checked in and get the information that they need when they arrive to the conference. But, beforehand, I get the opportunity to answer emails for about five months leading up to the conference. I get to walk alongside these students and their adult leaders and help provide them with everything they need for a smooth process leading up to the conference. It truly is one of the great joys of my life because I'm a "fixer" by nature. Usually, in a few sentences, I can fix whatever their issue is and provide them with a measure of relief. I get to serve them and I love it. Occasionally though, there's one that stumps me.

Passion historically has a "who's who" of worship leaders and communicators that are part of the event. The thing I LOVE about Passion's heartbeat though, is that it's not about the worship leaders and communicators. It's about Jesus. Even though we are very blessed to have them join us, we are also highly aware of the ease with which something like this can be attended for the sole purpose of seeing one of these great people and nothing more. With that in mind, we made the decision a long time ago that though we would publicize who'd be joining us for each Passion event, we wouldn't be publicizing the exact times during the event that they would be speaking or leading worship. For the most part, this has never been an issue. Until this year.

So...I get an email one day from an attendee who wants to know who's speaking when and who's leading worship when. I sent my normal response thanking him for the question, but letting him know that we do not publicize that information ahead of time, but that he could be assured that he'd experience it all. He wrote back and informed me he wasn't interested in experiencing it all, he was interested in experiencing who he wanted to experience when he wanted to experience them and furthermore, he wanted to give the entire college group he was bringing the same option. I sent one more gracious email saying that unfortunately, we wouldn't be able to provide that and he began to get a little bit more forceful at that point. "Why do you care? You have our money, what does it matter to you who we want to see and when? It's our right, and frankly, you shouldn't be withholding that information." I managed one more gracious email. (See, one problem with being a verbal processor is that sometimes my verbal process is better left unprocessed. I could tell that there was only a short amount of time before my responses would no longer be gracious.) My last response basically said that I would be happy to do anything further that I could and to please let me know if there was any other way that I could assist him. He popped off with one more retort.

I was INCENSED. My family was in town for Christmas and they got the full benefit of my indignation and hearing what I would've said had I sent one more email. How dare he? How dare he intimate that all we cared about was the money? Did he know NOTHING of why we exist? What was his problem? All the work we were doing, all the sacrifice to provide something that would change lives through the power of Jesus? The event doesn't even MAKE money. That's the funny thing. He has the audacity to want to pick and choose things as if it's all about him? I stewed for several hours. Then, a day or so ago, God, in His wisdom brought it all back to my remembrance. I began to start getting worked up again and He so gently nudged, "not much different than how you've approached me all these years..."

GULP. "WHAT? You must be kidding me, Lord! The guy completely missed the point!"

"Exactly."

"I don't think I like where this is headed."

"I knew you wouldn't."

Gracious. If there's one thing that God is with me, and with us all, it's gracious. He knows exactly how to speak through His Spirit and when. He knows exactly how we need to be approached and when, and when it's time, His method is above all, gracious. Gracious - "Of a merciful or compassionate nature". Yep, that about sums it up.

He so graciously began to convict me through His Spirit of the ways in which I'd done NO differently than this man I was so "right"eously indignant over.

"My child, you signed up for this life and meant well, but you didn't want to attend the whole thing. You wanted the high profile parts. The easy parts. You didn't want the day-to-day ramifications of holiness." This is not what I want to hear. "You wanted the conferences, the camps, the church attendance, the fame when it was easy and the anonymity when it was hard. You wanted to wear the WWJD bracelet and sign the "True Love Waits" card, you wanted to go to the conferences, hear the great speakers and worship leaders, raise your hands, cry the tears and be affected for a few days. You wanted all the glamor and none of the gore. Unfortunately, that's not what it means to identify with me." I was speechless. It started all snapping into SHARP focus.

I had never audibly said it out loud, but I had acted the same way as this guy. I "bought my ticket" when I became a christian. I meant well and was sincere. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't grasp the full scope. I had gone along and treated God as someone who had my money and shouldn't care when I attended. God would have been well within his rights to respond much like I did..."How dare you? How dare you intimate that all I care about is your "decision" for me? Do you know nothing of why I exist or why I created you to exist? Do you have no concept of what I've sacrificed for you?" and yet here I've been continuing on in my casual christian life as if to say "I don't want to experience it all. I want to experience what I want to experience when I want to experience it."

This realization has been uncomfortable at best. This pursuit of holiness I'm on is NOT going to be glamorous. I can feel it already. I can't somehow go "all in" with Christ and continue my affair with the world. I can't.

I never heard back from that guy. I don't know if he came to Passion or didn't. I hope he came, stayed, and was changed, but I'm not sure I'll ever know that. One thing I DO know...He came across my path sovereignly and God used that experience and my response to push me further down this road. I don't know what it's going to look like from here. I don't know the things in my world which will need to go...though I know there will be some. All I do know is that this is the road I'm supposed to be on. What about you?

peace.

and so it begins...

2010-01-11T15:03:00.000-05:00

Well, this is one of those things that's probably been a long time coming, but just wasn't the right thing before now. A blog. My issues with blogging exist on several levels and are some of what has kept me silent in this arena of cyberspace before now. First and foremost, we talk FAR more than we listen already, and this forum provides for that freely. Secondly, many of us talk before we stop to think and once it's written and "out there" it's a bit more difficult to be conscientious of how we are impacting others with our sometimes well-meaning, but poorly delivered speech. Thirdly, the direct warning in Proverbs haunts me regularly and provides an appropriate level of fear for diving into this. "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19. So, it is with much trepidation, but also with some expectancy that I venture into this area of "free speech".

It's no surprise to you, I'm sure, that God has created each of us differently. Many of us are verbal processors, while others of us are silent and reflective generally. Some of us are emotional and passionate outwardly, while others of us tend to simmer and stew at a slow boil beneath the surface. ALL of us however were created in the image of God, with a capacity for adoration and glorification of Him and, for those of us who've been redeemed, sanctified and justified by the blood of His Son, we are commanded to pursue holiness. It's not something that we get to elect like the courses we'll take in college or the amount of co-pay we want on our insurance. It's a command. "Just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written, 'Be holy, because I am holy.'" 1 Peter 1:15-16.

These verses have begun to absolutely shake me to the very core of who I am, disrupt my casual christianity and leave me stripped down and bare before their very simple words. BE HOLY. That's the reason for this blog. See, I am a verbal processor and over the last year (or three!), God's taken me on a very painful, very eye-opening, very humbling and very restorative journey. I'm nowhere NEAR the end of it and won't be until the day I close my eyes in death and open them in His presence. But, I believe the time has come to "go public" with the journey in hopes that maybe you'll journey with me and we can learn together what it looks like to BE HOLY in the 21st century. I have a feeling it won't look at all like I've let it look thus far. Pursuit. "an effort to secure or attain. quest. any occupation or pastime in which a person is engaged regularly or customarily." This is my holiness pursuit.

peace.