the piles at the end of the bed...

I am a very ordered and orderly person. I love to have everything just so. There's a way that the pillows go on the couch, a way that the coffee table must be arranged, a way that a bed is made and how a shirt is folded. I like my nails with no chips in the polish, my hair with everything flat ironed correctly and you'll probably never see me accomplishing the "messy" look.

Over the last little while, however, an interesting phenomenon has been occurring. Piles have been growing at the end of my bed. They've been out of control and have increased their taunting of me with each sunrise and sunset. Late this afternoon, I had all that I could take of them and determined to get them cleaned up. I was in a prime place to listen as God began to use the mundane act of cleaning to do some sovereign acts of teaching. In the spirit of vulnerability, here's a before pic of the piles at the end of the bed.

What are the contents of the piles? Oh, the usual suspects...clothes, scarves, socks, shoes, more shoes, and empty Target bags (which had previously contained shoes). Not to be outdone, the bedside table joined in with half empty water glasses, chapstick, kleenex, wrappers, receipts and other junk, the floor beside the closet held an overflowing suitcase from a trip more than a week ago and an assortment of legos, headbands and other things that belong to the little people who live with me. Serious. Piles.

Make no mistake, though. If you came over to my house, you'd NEVER see these piles. My house is pretty neat at all times. Even when it's not, it's neater than most houses out there. If you walked into my house on any given evening, you'd be greeted with candles, ambient lighting and everything in it's place. This happens because I make sure it happens. And every night before bed, everything that's been somehow disturbed throughout the day returns once again to its resting place. So why won't you see the piles at the end of the bed when you come over? Because I'll close the master bedroom door, that's why.

Today, as I was cleaning, I was thinking...

The bedroom and more specifically, the bed, is a place of REST. No matter what our day has held or how long it takes us to get there, at some point we'll lay our heads down and attempt rest. In that same place. Night after night. Sometimes tossing, sometimes turning but always seeking...rest. So why in the world is the area around my place of rest in such cluttered disarray? Why is this supposed place of rest the first place that is undone and in disorder? The answers to these and other questions I came upon while cleaning are ugly but important.

My bedroom represents my heart and the bed, my soul. The deepest parts of me. Everything important to me is contained here. Identity, longings, wounds, worship, fears, sorrows, songs in the night and joy in the morning...these all reside in this deepest part...the secret place. In fact, they are who I am. Who I really am. Why have I let who I really am get so cluttered with all this uninvited junk?

For me, the answer is in the order. I am tending to things in the wrong order. Jeffrey knew early in our marriage that if the house was messy, then it would be a good bet that before long, I would be messy. Disorder on the outside would often equate to disorder on the inside. Knowing this, why does the clutter grow around my soul at times while most around me are oblivious to the real state of me? That's an easy one. They're only seeing what I let them see.

I keep the visible areas of my life very well in order. I'm showing up to work, I'm doing my best at my job, I've got clean, fed and well-behaved children, Jeffrey and I present a united front, I smile at the right times, cry at the right things and show up at all the right places. My twitter is appropriately spiritual without being too heavy or out of touch with reality. I keep up with sports and avoid politics. I can hold easy conversations about the latest and greatest in TV shows, food or football. I return text messages and if you're lucky, phone calls. My instagram is littered with pictures of kids, pets and playfulness. Everything is in ORDER...or so it would appear.

If I'm not very intentional about that secret place, things begin to build up there. Before I know it, there's a vast contrast between my media face and my secret place. Most people will never know that. I'll just close the door so no one can see it. The sneaky thing about the clutter that builds up in the secret place is that most of it doesn't even belong there.

Clothes and shoes in a pile = things we need, but need to have cleaned.
I don't need to throw the clothes out...just get them washed. The same goes for my attitudes, actions, motives, thoughts and desires. I need them, they're God given. But when not consistently surrendered, they begin to pile up and get dirty. A daily inventory, surrendered and washed before God and under the control of the Holy Spirit is a necessity. Dealing with things as they come, rather than after they pile up, will lead to a lot less angst and deep cleaning later.

Legos and headbands = other people's problems.
The Legos aren't mine, they're Jack's...and they need to be put OUTSIDE my room for him to deal with. Same with the headbands. They may look interesting, I may even be able to relate to them, but the fact remains...they're Ali's, not mine. Other people's issues and problems have no place in your heart and soul either. Can we agree that we have enough clutter on our own without adding to it with the clutter of others? If it's not yours, if God hasn't asked you to carry it, then set it outside the door of your heart and leave it there. Being able to relate to it doesn't mean it's yours to clean up.

Half empty water glasses = things that may have been fine once but now need to be dumped out.
Water glasses don't belong on the bedside table night after night...the water gets less and less pure the longer it's there. The same goes for other junk we keep going over and over and over long after we should have processed it and let it go. Take the glasses back to the kitchen where they belong. But first, pour the water out before carrying them through the house. Let's face it...nobody wants our problems splashing all over them as we try to get rid of them.

Suitcases full of clothes = things that need to be processed through and put in their place.
Unpacked baggage only adds to the clutter. Circumstances and experiences come in all shapes and sizes. Some are long trips, others are merely an overnight...but all of them must be unpacked, sorted through, applied and put in their place. The quicker baggage is put away, the less likely we are to trip over it on our way somewhere else.

Empty Target bags = things we need to get. rid. of.
Once the shoes have come out of the bag, the bag is just taking up space. It was the carrier for the shoes, but the shoes were the goal, not the bag. Once we've learned what God is trying to teach us through a painful time, it's important to keep the lesson and get rid of the rest. Circumstances, hurts, wounds, disappointments and other trials serve as carriers of what God wants to teach us. But don't let them lay around in your soul longer than necessary. Keep the lesson but throw out the hurts so the heart can heal.

I think I've had the order wrong a lot of the time. It's the secret place, the deepest part, that needs the most attention. If things are in order on the inside, things will likely be ordered on the outside. The seen will be a result of my attention to the unseen. This is the only way true authenticity is gained.

What order are you cleaning in?

Is there clutter building up in the unseen places of your soul?

Start purging...it's back-breaking and sweat-producing, but waiting at the end is the result we've longed for all along. Rest. Real Rest.

Thus says the LORD:”Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. - Jeremiah 6:16

“…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-29

“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.” Psalm 61:1

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16