"right"eous indignation...

Thanks to those of you that have come along on the journey so far and have sent emails, texts or left comments on the blog. Very humbling. Very encouraging. You are loved.

So...anywho...

One of the things that I get the privilege of doing each year is registration for the Passion Conferences that take place each January. Passion is an amazing movement geared toward college students and helping them discover how to live for the fame and renown of Jesus on their campuses and in their worlds. If you don't know about Passion, get to know it! www.268generation.com.

Passion registration entails what you might imagine that it does...making sure that the students get checked in and get the information that they need when they arrive to the conference. But, beforehand, I get the opportunity to answer emails for about five months leading up to the conference. I get to walk alongside these students and their adult leaders and help provide them with everything they need for a smooth process leading up to the conference. It truly is one of the great joys of my life because I'm a "fixer" by nature. Usually, in a few sentences, I can fix whatever their issue is and provide them with a measure of relief. I get to serve them and I love it. Occasionally though, there's one that stumps me.

Passion historically has a "who's who" of worship leaders and communicators that are part of the event. The thing I LOVE about Passion's heartbeat though, is that it's not about the worship leaders and communicators. It's about Jesus. Even though we are very blessed to have them join us, we are also highly aware of the ease with which something like this can be attended for the sole purpose of seeing one of these great people and nothing more. With that in mind, we made the decision a long time ago that though we would publicize who'd be joining us for each Passion event, we wouldn't be publicizing the exact times during the event that they would be speaking or leading worship. For the most part, this has never been an issue. Until this year.

So...I get an email one day from an attendee who wants to know who's speaking when and who's leading worship when. I sent my normal response thanking him for the question, but letting him know that we do not publicize that information ahead of time, but that he could be assured that he'd experience it all. He wrote back and informed me he wasn't interested in experiencing it all, he was interested in experiencing who he wanted to experience when he wanted to experience them and furthermore, he wanted to give the entire college group he was bringing the same option. I sent one more gracious email saying that unfortunately, we wouldn't be able to provide that and he began to get a little bit more forceful at that point. "Why do you care? You have our money, what does it matter to you who we want to see and when? It's our right, and frankly, you shouldn't be withholding that information." I managed one more gracious email. (See, one problem with being a verbal processor is that sometimes my verbal process is better left unprocessed. I could tell that there was only a short amount of time before my responses would no longer be gracious.) My last response basically said that I would be happy to do anything further that I could and to please let me know if there was any other way that I could assist him. He popped off with one more retort.

I was INCENSED. My family was in town for Christmas and they got the full benefit of my indignation and hearing what I would've said had I sent one more email. How dare he? How dare he intimate that all we cared about was the money? Did he know NOTHING of why we exist? What was his problem? All the work we were doing, all the sacrifice to provide something that would change lives through the power of Jesus? The event doesn't even MAKE money. That's the funny thing. He has the audacity to want to pick and choose things as if it's all about him? I stewed for several hours. Then, a day or so ago, God, in His wisdom brought it all back to my remembrance. I began to start getting worked up again and He so gently nudged, "not much different than how you've approached me all these years..."

GULP. "WHAT? You must be kidding me, Lord! The guy completely missed the point!"

"Exactly."

"I don't think I like where this is headed."

"I knew you wouldn't."

Gracious. If there's one thing that God is with me, and with us all, it's gracious. He knows exactly how to speak through His Spirit and when. He knows exactly how we need to be approached and when, and when it's time, His method is above all, gracious. Gracious - "Of a merciful or compassionate nature". Yep, that about sums it up.

He so graciously began to convict me through His Spirit of the ways in which I'd done NO differently than this man I was so "right"eously indignant over.

"My child, you signed up for this life and meant well, but you didn't want to attend the whole thing. You wanted the high profile parts. The easy parts. You didn't want the day-to-day ramifications of holiness." This is not what I want to hear. "You wanted the conferences, the camps, the church attendance, the fame when it was easy and the anonymity when it was hard. You wanted to wear the WWJD bracelet and sign the "True Love Waits" card, you wanted to go to the conferences, hear the great speakers and worship leaders, raise your hands, cry the tears and be affected for a few days. You wanted all the glamor and none of the gore. Unfortunately, that's not what it means to identify with me." I was speechless. It started all snapping into SHARP focus.

I had never audibly said it out loud, but I had acted the same way as this guy. I "bought my ticket" when I became a christian. I meant well and was sincere. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't grasp the full scope. I had gone along and treated God as someone who had my money and shouldn't care when I attended. God would have been well within his rights to respond much like I did..."How dare you? How dare you intimate that all I care about is your "decision" for me? Do you know nothing of why I exist or why I created you to exist? Do you have no concept of what I've sacrificed for you?" and yet here I've been continuing on in my casual christian life as if to say "I don't want to experience it all. I want to experience what I want to experience when I want to experience it."

This realization has been uncomfortable at best. This pursuit of holiness I'm on is NOT going to be glamorous. I can feel it already. I can't somehow go "all in" with Christ and continue my affair with the world. I can't.

I never heard back from that guy. I don't know if he came to Passion or didn't. I hope he came, stayed, and was changed, but I'm not sure I'll ever know that. One thing I DO know...He came across my path sovereignly and God used that experience and my response to push me further down this road. I don't know what it's going to look like from here. I don't know the things in my world which will need to go...though I know there will be some. All I do know is that this is the road I'm supposed to be on. What about you?

peace.

and so it begins...

Well, this is one of those things that's probably been a long time coming, but just wasn't the right thing before now. A blog. My issues with blogging exist on several levels and are some of what has kept me silent in this arena of cyberspace before now. First and foremost, we talk FAR more than we listen already, and this forum provides for that freely. Secondly, many of us talk before we stop to think and once it's written and "out there" it's a bit more difficult to be conscientious of how we are impacting others with our sometimes well-meaning, but poorly delivered speech. Thirdly, the direct warning in Proverbs haunts me regularly and provides an appropriate level of fear for diving into this. "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19. So, it is with much trepidation, but also with some expectancy that I venture into this area of "free speech".

It's no surprise to you, I'm sure, that God has created each of us differently. Many of us are verbal processors, while others of us are silent and reflective generally. Some of us are emotional and passionate outwardly, while others of us tend to simmer and stew at a slow boil beneath the surface. ALL of us however were created in the image of God, with a capacity for adoration and glorification of Him and, for those of us who've been redeemed, sanctified and justified by the blood of His Son, we are commanded to pursue holiness. It's not something that we get to elect like the courses we'll take in college or the amount of co-pay we want on our insurance. It's a command. "Just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written, 'Be holy, because I am holy.'" 1 Peter 1:15-16.

These verses have begun to absolutely shake me to the very core of who I am, disrupt my casual christianity and leave me stripped down and bare before their very simple words. BE HOLY. That's the reason for this blog. See, I am a verbal processor and over the last year (or three!), God's taken me on a very painful, very eye-opening, very humbling and very restorative journey. I'm nowhere NEAR the end of it and won't be until the day I close my eyes in death and open them in His presence. But, I believe the time has come to "go public" with the journey in hopes that maybe you'll journey with me and we can learn together what it looks like to BE HOLY in the 21st century. I have a feeling it won't look at all like I've let it look thus far. Pursuit. "an effort to secure or attain. quest. any occupation or pastime in which a person is engaged regularly or customarily." This is my holiness pursuit.

peace.