undone by the hell of gosnell...

Deep breath...

I have been shocked, outraged, mortified, angered and awestruck all at the same time over the horrific and detestable details surrounding the trial of Kermit Gosnell, the murderer from Pennsylvania. Much of the social media universe has finally been buzzing about this for days, but sadly, the social media outcries are the only ones it seems. Unlike horrific events of history such as 9/11, the Newtown murders or even the recent tragic suicide of Rick Warren's son, Matthew (which unconscionably set off a firestorm of hate and mud-slinging directed at the Warrens...what kind of person does that???) it seems that much of the mainstream media lacks the courage necessary to splash this particular "story" across the headlines of every newscast, webpage and print piece available. Fox News political analyst Kirsten Powers did tongue lash the mainstream media in her column in USA today. It's available here. Warning: the referenced column is verbally graphic and contains horrific descriptions of Gosnell's crimes and those of his staff.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are on a perilously slippery slope, both as Americans and for those of us who claim to follow Jesus, as Christians. I have been undone since I learned of these horrors and the ensuing trial from a retweet of a friend on Twitter. Undone. I was similarly undone after the heinous murders of thousands of Americans on 9/11, but more in a "no one does this to the United States of America and gets away with it" way. I was similarly undone after the murders in Newtown, but more in a "oh the horror those parents of the sweet children must feel" way. This Gosnell garbage has undone me in a way that I'm struggling to describe...but I have to try.

i'm undone as a parent.

I have three beautiful children. They are the joys of my life. Each of them is as unique as they are beautiful. I love every minute of watching them grow and mature. I can't imagine my life without any one of them. Not unlike my children, every single one of these babies that were murdered was as unique as they were beautiful. They had their own set of unique DNA from two other equally unique people...and they were thrown in shoeboxes like trash. ["He was breathing and moving when Gosnell severed his spine and put the body in a plastic shoebox for disposal."]

i'm undone as a friend.

I would use up all of my fingers and then some if I counted up the number of women I know who cannot, for whatever reason, have biological children of their own. Some have spent tens of thousands of dollars trying everything in the arsenal of modern medicine to conceive. Some have conceived multiple times over, only to lose the child to miscarriage before they ever took their first breath. Still others have delivered babies they knew wouldn't live but for a few days or hours and spent precious moments singing over and loving completely a child they'd only know for a fleeting amount of time. I can call to mind more than one woman who has had an infant die suddenly from SIDS sending the euphoric new mother spiraling into despair. I know that every single one of those women (and I have to believe thousands of other women...and probably many men) would have lined up outside the doors of that shop of horrors to take and care for these babies that their mothers didn't want. ["Semi-conscious women scheduled for abortions were moaning in the waiting room or the recovery room, where they sat on dirty recliners covered with blood-stained blankets. All the women had been sedated..."]

i'm undone as a woman.

The ability to be pregnant is a God-given gift. But we, as a "civilized society" have taken this miracle of holding a human life inside us while it is molded by the fingers of God and redefined it as a woman's right to choose. Unfortunately though, "choice" is a very distasteful and bitter term for those women I mentioned above. You see, they would "choose" pregnancy and a baby on any day of the week. But, the choice is not ultimately theirs. No woman on planet earth can "choose" to get pregnant any more than she can choose not to. I may think that I've tried everything and it finally clicked or that I finally chose the right day of the month or that all the procedures worked. I can also think that a pill or a certain process or any other number of "devices" or surgical procedures are keeping me from being pregnant. The basic fact (and science) of the matter is...God opens and closes the womb. He's allowed mankind to figure out many ins and outs of the very delicate and intricate process of becoming pregnant. He's allowed mankind to figure out much of the science and biology of an actual pregnancy itself, and He's even given man the ability to exercise the will to end those pregnancies in many cases. But, He's stopped short of giving man the ability to create what only God is the originator of. Life. If a woman becomes pregnant, it's because God chose to put life in her. If a woman does not become pregnant, even in spite of all of the medical marvels at our grasp, it is because God, in that instance, did not choose to create life inside her. When it comes to a woman's right to choose, there was no right of choice for me when God chose life for me and there's no right of choice when He chooses to put life inside me. Do I have a right to end the life of a baby that God decides to begin? No. It's a life. I don't any more have a right to put scissors in the back of Gosnell's neck than he did to end the lives of every single one of those babies by putting scissors in theirs. That just isn't one of my rights. But, because of our arrogance in believing that we have a right to choose to end pregnancies, we as a nation have descended down a slippery slope and it has led us to the dark, dank, unthinkable world of a licensed murderer killing babies in the shadows. How did we get here? It's really a matter of numbers. 23 weeks makes him a doctor, 30 weeks makes him a murderer. ["The way he ensured "fetal demise" as he called it, was by sticking scissors into the back of the baby's neck and cutting the spinal cord. He called that "snipping."]

i'm undone as a christian and a HUMAN.

I find it ironic and also sovereign that the timing of this Gosnell story has come right on the heels of a national focus on giving a voice to the voiceless through the End It Movement. The goal was and continues to be raising awareness of the epidemic of modern day slavery in our cities, our nation and the world. Many of us and many celebrities, activists and athletes joined in the Shine A Light on Slavery day on April 9th. We drew red X's on our hands and tweeted it up making sure that others who thought slavery had died long ago AWAKENED to the fact that it is all too alive and well. Most people had no idea.

Well... now we know about the brutality carried out against these women and infants. Now we know that hundreds of babies and one mother met their demise at the hands of this man and those who worked for him...but we also know that because of "incomplete record keeping" on their part, only 7 of those murders can be prosecuted. We know that there's a special kind of depravity that can believe it's ever ok to murder babies in this way. We know that those that worked for him "felt like something was off" and were "uncomfortable" but we also know that they didn't go against him. They didn't feel as though they had a voice. One of the people that worked for this man is a 15 year old girl. 15. A teenager was watching and assisting in babies being butchered and their body parts stuffed into jars...and it was all in a day's work. As humans, can't we agree that this is not okay? Can't we all unite to END this?

For days I've been asking: "how could this happen?" "this is not ok!" "what can we do?" "this case cannot be the only one." "is this happening in my city?" "what can we do for mothers who believe they have no other options?" "how was this allowed to go on for so long?" "why did it take a police raid for completely unrelated reasons to uncover this?"

I can't answer all of these questions and I also don't believe I'm being asked to. I do believe that we are, however, responsible for what we know. And once we know, we can't not know.

So...now that we know, what can we DO?

We can wake up.
We can look around.
We can raise awareness.
We can do the research.
We can use our gifts.
We can cry out for mercy.
We can engage our circle of influence.
We can refuse to be silent.

Sadly, in these cases and for all these years the silence has been deadly.

I'm taking the time to find out what I can do. How can you help? Can you contact your member of congress or senator? Can you do a benefit concert and raise awareness and money for help? Can you use your platform of influence to shine a light on this illegal butchering of babies? Can you connect with law enforcement and offer your services as a counselor for at risk women and girls? Can you find out all of the options for unwanted babies in your state? Do your ERs allow anonymous drop offs of unwanted babies? Can you volunteer in a crisis pregnancy center? Can you awaken to the signs of girls around you that are at risk? Can you speak up about this silent slaughter?

I don't have a giant national movement or campaign to launch. I don't have a huge platform or high visibility. I just have my voice and my gifts. I have that burning feeling in my gut after the nausea and rage over the details of this case subside. I have the haunting images of babies crying, moving and breathing on a cold, rusting metal table before they're murdered. I have the compassion and confusion surrounding the image of desperate, drugged women with life inside them in a waiting room and death all around them as they exit the back door. And above all that, I have scriptures and songs ringing in my head...

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; 
    ensure justice for those being crushed.
Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless
    and see that they get justice.  Proverbs 31:8-9 [nlt]

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139:13-16 [msg]

And as I think about all those babies, I think: "From babies hidden in the shadows, to the cities shining bright, there are captives weeping far from sight...great God, wrap Your arms around this world tonight and when You hear our cries, sing through the night and we will join in Your song and sing along..." [christy nockels]

Please. Find a way. Cry out...join the song...and sing along.