"i hope paul walker knew jesus" & other incriminating thoughts...

This is not an easy thing to write about...in fact, it carries with it a measure of "ick." But, I'm home while Jeffrey's out for the evening, the kids are tucked in their beds and it's just me, the dogs, Christmas lights and my thoughts. And my thoughts are going a million miles an hour. I have tons of work to do but I haven't been able to shake something that I confessed out loud earlier today and it's been eating at me ever since. So, here goes...

Paul Walker died Saturday. If you've somehow not heard by now (or don't care) just bear with me for a few minutes.

Jeffrey and I spent a wonderful few days before Thanksgiving with my brother and sister-in-law and a friend up in the snowy mountains of West Virginia. When stuck in the snow in a river house, what is there to do? Play cards and watch movies of course! So we did that. We decided one afternoon that in preparation for The Fast and the Furious Seven, we probably needed to watch Fast Four, Five and Six. Back to back. It was awesome. As is often the case when we experience anything together, Sarah and I were soon calling each of the characters by their first name in normal conversation...like they were our best friends (and we believed they were.) It was so fun and a great memory made. I felt certain that at some point we'd actually meet Vin Diesel and Paul Walker and walk right up and start a conversation with them...after all...we are BFFs. Then came my brother's group text to us on Saturday night. "Paul Walker just died in a car accident!" The replies were instantaneous. "NOOOOOOO!!!!" "Paaauuullllll!" "What? This is HORRIBLE!" And of course, it was.

Then came my next thought. "I hope Paul knew Jesus." Now, before you're like "oh my gosh, seriously??" Just hear me out. The thoughts that came after that were pretty incriminating and I believe they were probably from the Holy Spirit. "Wow...you didn't care if he knew Jesus while you were being entertained by him for 6 hours straight. In fact, you haven't even thought about his eternal destination until now." It's true. I hadn't. Not that every movie and television show and People Magazine article and celebrity twitter comment needs to be followed with "I wonder if he/she knows Jesus...I should tell them about Him!" But, it does bring up an interesting quandary for those of us who call ourselves Christ-followers, or at least, for me specifically.

I am completely confident of where I'm going to be when I exit this life and in an instant have stepped into eternity. I'll be on my face at the feet of Jesus...that's where. Until then, seems I'm pretty content to eavesdrop on the lives of celebrities via the Us Weekly app on my phone, my People Magazine plane flight purchase or whatever may come across my twitter feed. In fact, often I'm shaking my head in a "tsk tsk" way at whatever ridiculous exploits have befallen the latest tween star or saying "yes, sweetie, seems she's gotten off track and begun making some very poor decisions" when my middle schooler asks why formerly bubble-gum, family-friendly females seem to have gone off the rails and are self-destructing before our very eyes (thanks to the 24-hour media availability.) I might as well say, "Those poor celebrities...I hope when the number of days God has ordained for them is up, that they know Jesus. Until then, I'll just enjoy their movie-making and music-creating. I'll buy the media hype surrounding their lives and read about their latest fashion disasters, botched cosmetic surgeries and ridiculous night club antics. I'll shake my head appropriately but I'll still eavesdrop on their worlds through social media and believe that with 140-characters of their own words every now and then, I know them. After all, I'm good 'cause I know where I'm spending eternity." Ick.

No, this blog isn't announcing my new ministry to evangelize all the celebrities in the world. I'm sure someone somewhere already believes that's their calling. God hasn't chosen to give me that particular sphere of influence. It should also be noted that neither I, nor anyone I know, can confirm where Paul Walker is spending eternity. We didn't actually know him. But, God has used my "I hope Paul knew Jesus" thought to convict me of the fact that I hope he knew Jesus because I liked what he did for me. I was entertained. I found him to be a valuable member of society because I liked what he had to offer.

I'm not proud of it, but not ONCE recently have I thought that about my cashier at Kroger or any of the people that live in my neighborhood. I haven't thought it about the sweet older gentleman who does the maintenance and HVAC repairs at our home. I haven't thought it about our landlord. I haven't thought it about the lady who delivers our mail or about the person who colors my hair. Not the chinese take-out lady (who has our entire order memorized), not the mexican restaurant waitress who shoots the breeze at our table every time we're there, not our favorite Long Horn server who remembers us, chats with us serves us when we're there having lunch meetings. I haven't thought about it because frankly, those people are just passing by me in this life...going about their business while I go about mine with my head buried in my phone most of the time and working at a church making my living telling kids about Jesus...ahem. Do you see the ridiculous irony?

I spend my days crafting creative ways to make the Gospel come alive for kids and yet the people I interact with outside of church regularly haven't ranked high enough to even make the "I hope they know" list. That's reprehensible. Why? Because just like Paul Walker, each of them have an ordained number of days. Their days have already been written in God's book. And their days are being spent in MY sphere of influence while I in turn spend my days knowing far too much worthless information about celebrities I'll never meet, much less know. Apparently I'm more comfortable just having people come to me each Sunday to hear about Jesus, rather than taking Jesus to them...where they are.

No, not by beating them over the head with the Gospel in order to feel better about my spirituality...but by developing relationships. By caring about them as people. By not looking for what they can do for me, but by realizing that they were fashioned and created by Him. By believing that availability and willingness are the first steps. By knowing that it's not ultimately up to me, but the Holy Spirit to draw them. By being awake to the people God has placed all around me that need the hope I've already grasped. By seeing past what they do for me to who they are.

I'm disgusted frankly. I'm bothered by the number of opportunities that I am increasingly aware that I'm squandering. I wonder how many people's days written in God's book have "meet and interact with Shannon" as part of them only to be swallowed up in another wasted opportunity. I don't only want to consider things in light of eternity when another celebrity dies. In my sphere of influence, I want to be thinking not only "I hope they know," but "God, how do you want to use ME to tell them?" I should mention that Louie challenged our staff in our meeting today with what God is doing in his heart on this very subject and he'll do a fine job of articulating that when he determines to, but ever since this afternoon, when I confessed my thought process, it has eaten me up and disconcerted me as I think about what any of us who know Jesus should hope for the people around us. After all, there's only actually ONE real celebrity. Only one Person worth knowing as much as we possibly can about and then telling others so that they can know too. There are a couple of people who sum it up much better than me:

“I believe that entertainment and amusements are the work of the Enemy to keep dying men from knowing they're dying; and to keep enemies of God from remembering that they're enemies.” A.W. Tozer

"Don’t wait for a feeling or love in order to share Christ with a stranger. You already love your heavenly Father, and you know that this stranger is created by Him, but separated from Him, so take those first steps in evangelism because you love God. It is not primarily out of compassion for humanity that we share our faith or pray for the lost; it is first of all, love for God.” John Piper 

“The hope that we have in Christ is so gloriously wonderful, why would we ever keep it to ourselves? When we refuse to communicate the Gospel there is nothing more cruel or selfish in all of humanity. Because we do believe that it is the only way-Christ is the only name-by which men and women can be saved. And to withhold that name and that news because it's difficult is on par with any other atrocious thing humanity has ever seen.” Britt Merrick

Writing it down, posting this, putting it out front rather than behind my full calendar of spiritual activities doesn't make me more accountable. Just more aware. More awake. I've always been fully accountable for what I'm doing with the days God's ordained for me and the people He's placed in them. Now it's time to actually GO, rather than wait for people to come. Maybe it's just me though. Some people are great at this. Me? I'm in ministry for a living and confess that I'm not great at it. But I want to be.

Who is in your sphere of influence?

Do they know Jesus?

Do you care?