what I learned from diggers and matchbox cars...

moving several old posts from my facebook page to here...so everything is in one place...

So this morning, I was making up Jack's bed. He's three years old. Under the covers I found the book that I told him he couldn't take to bed with him last night. It's called "Diggers" and it's his favorite book. This means that after I left his room last night, he proceeded to get out of bed, get the book and get back in bed with it, hiding it under the covers. This behavior follows closely on the heels of an episode at church earlier that same day. It seems that when he was leaving his class after the service, he was not quite ready to stop playing with the little white matchbox car he had found there. So, having recently become aware of the pockets on all his pants, he slipped the car in there on the way out the door with Daddy and got in the car to come home.

Here's what is interesting about these two scenarios...

1) Jack is not allowed to get out of his bed once he's in it. So, knowing this, he had to decide to disobey by getting out of bed to get his book.

2) He'd already asked if he could have the book in bed. I said no. So, he had to devise a plan to get what he wanted anyway...which meant TWO acts of disobedience.

3) EVERY time I pick him up from his class at church, he asks to bring the car he's been playing with all morning. I explain that it's not ours and that we don't take things that are not ours. I then go into this whole long diatribe about the fact that if he takes the car, then it won't be there for another little boy to play with and wouldn't he be sad if some boy in the service before him took a car home and then he couldn't play with it when he got there and blah blah blah...we eventually get out of the classroom with him deciding it's better to leave it. So...he knows we don't take cars home from church.

4) Daddy was picking him up yesterday and he had to decide that even though he knew the whole "mommy lecture" scene, he didn't really want to hear it from Daddy and after all, he has a pocket...so he'll just put it in there even though he knows it's wrong...after all...playing with it will be MUCH more fun than leaving it.

Of course, as is the case with both Jack and Maggie, eventually in the car, the guilt is too much to bear and the whole ugly story comes out. Daddy responds with explaining that he will now have to go back to the director of Preschool next week and explain that he took the car and ask for forgiveness. He also will not be able to play with the car that he's taken. As of this moment, it sits on our counter...a reminder of the perils of taking things that are not ours.

Then...later that same night, the "Digger Episode" occurs.

So...as I'm making Jack's bed this morning and find the book, I actually say out loud to myself, "Are you kidding me? Did you really think you weren't going to get caught?", when God graciously pricked my spirit and might as well have audibly said "Well, did you, Shannon? Jack's only doing what you do all the time..."

BOO. It's not fun at all when God uses your preschool children to illustrate your own fallen condition, by the way. But...as I finally said "Okay, Lord...where are we going with this?" I began to realize that I do the exact same thing that my sweet boy did multiple times yesterday. What's even worse is that I don't have the excuse that I'm three years old!

I make a conscious choice to sin. I even lead myself to believe that it's not a big deal because after all, I'm still doing a lot of "christian" things. I feel the poke in my rib cage by the Holy Spirit and more times than I care to count, I decide "nah...I'm not quite ready to be done with this, yet. I'll repent later." What I don't factor into these absurd decisions is the grief that it causes the Spirit, the fellowship that it breaks with my Creator and the holiness process that grinds to an abrupt halt in my life. The root of all of these attitudes and behaviors? Pride. Pride is at the root of all sin. CJ Mahaney defines pride as "contending for/competing for supremacy with God and lifting up our hearts against Him". Wow. Come on, that's not really what I'm doing... "Pride has only one end. Self-glorification." Oooo...yeah...that sounds about right. Yuck.

So, as I proudly judged my son this morning and thought, "who does he think he's dealing with here?", I received a much needed kick in the gut from Someone who has the only right to ask "Do YOU know Who you're dealing with here?"

I'm considering carrying a matchbox car around with me to remind me of what amazing grace I've been extended on the basis of nothing I've done. I am a very grateful girl today. Mahaney's daily prayer has become a great example to me in recent days of what I believe should be the posture of my heart.

"Father, I want to stand as close to your cross as I possibly can, because it's harder for me to be arrogant when I'm there."

Peace.