time for restored joy...

a post from january of 2009

So I was cleaning the house today and blasting my iTunes as is my general practice. Usually I have it on my dancing music, but today just really felt like it needed to be the worship playlist. I try to follow through on those “gut feelings” when they come because I’m learning that if I follow through, the Holy Spirit is nudging me toward something I need to experience and/or learn. Today was especially poignant and I knew why pretty quickly. After some trips through Lincoln Brewster and Passion singing at the top of my lungs, came Mac Powell’s voice blaring through with no flashy musical introduction. “Hide your face from my sins, and cover my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Don’t cast me away from your presence. Don’t take your Spirit from me.” These words are from Psalm 51 and are David’s pleas to the Father after being confronted by Nathan over his adultery with Bathsheba. Of course, I, being a really good christian, have never lured a bathing woman to my palace where I was watching her from a rooftop, slept with her, gotten her pregnant and had her husband killed, so I was able to sing through these words without too much pause...after all...I AM a really good christian. Then came the chorus...

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation, restore to me the wonders of your love, restore to me the joy of your salvation, restore to me...restore to me.” At that point, I felt the all too familiar throat-clearing of the Holy Spirit. That’s how He deals with me, you see. There are not usually lights and sirens...no flares sent up...just that little “ahem.” If I’m wise, I always pause when that occurs. The times I get into trouble are when I don’t. So...it came and I asked my question. “Okay, Lord...what do I need to see?” As I started to listen, I started to realize that I was singing along harmonizing with Candi and Mac perfectly while not really listening to what I was singing. What does it look like to know the joy of my salvation? Am I even remotely operating in that joy? Could I even name the wonders of His love if asked right now? Sure, I could give all the “christianese” answers in the world, but what are the wonders of His love for ME, and what is the joy of MY salvation? This sent me on a quest. First...to Psalm 51...what does this Psalm mean for me, since I’m a pretty good little christian? Why am I being sideswiped by this song today?

“Have mercy on me, O God according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight...” "...Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”

Hmmm....granted, I’ve never done what David did...or have I? If the thoughts and the attitudes of my heart were scrolling across my forehead, would I want to run and hide in a cave? Um...yeah. If the sentences of condemnation that I hand down in my mind to those that I consider beneath me in dress, social status or overall existence were plastered for all to see, would I be embarrassed to tears? Um...yeah. If the things I were really thinking about someone while I’m staring them in the face and pretending to be polite were actually being played on a tape recorder for all to hear, would I be utterly ashamed? Um...yeah. If what I did, said and thought when I knew no one would ever know were to suddenly be made public, would people have a radically different perception of me than before? Probably. “But the only person that matters DOES really see, hear and know all of those things. He’s the one who was beaten, suffered and died to free you from that, and He knows ALL of it. Perhaps you are a little more like David than you’d like to believe.” That was it. The punch in the gut moment. And...as I listened to Candi sing the second verse in stunned silence, it all seemed much more applicable to my life. You see, when I view myself correctly and through the lens of the holiness of Christ, my sins and iniquities become very apparent. I’m riddled with them and they threaten to consume me. They are not “little” as compared with David’s...they are exactly the same and when I view them as God views them, covered in His blood pooled at the foot of the cross, they put me in a perfect position to recognize the wonder of my salvation. When I'm on the ground at the foot of the cross of Christ, I can suddenly see the wonder of it all quite clearly.

“Hide your face from my sins and cover my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Don’t cast me away from your presence, don’t take your Spirit from me.” Then, it occurred to me that if I were actually living in the restored joy of my salvation, and reveling in the wonders of His love, I might be less likely to be living in my flesh-consumned palace rooftop state. So...I began to ponder the joy and the wonder of...

perfection. He who knew NO sin, yet became sin on my behalf so that I could become the righteousness of God in Christ. (2 Cor. 5:21)

mercy. He does not deal with me as my sins deserve and does not repay me according to my sins. (Psalm 103:10)

forgiveness. In Him, I have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of my sins according to the riches of His grace which He lavished upon me in all wisdom and insight. (Ephesians 1:7)

transparency. Before a word is on my tongue He knows it completely. (Psalm 139:4)

grace. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin
reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life. (Romans 5:20-21)

Those are just the tip of the iceberg. Even a few moments meditating on the true wonder of a God stepping out of heaven to do what no one else could and redeem people who had no hope is enough to bring me to tears, increase my desire for holiness and keep my gaze fixed on eternity. It’s so easy to go from day to day, mundane task to mundane task marking off days on the calendar and scheduling all of my activities around when my favorite shows or sporting events are coming on...after all...those are important things to me! It’s so easy to go through life with my sinful thoughts, secret sins and the sins that I’ve let myself believe really aren’t that bad. After all...no one else knows, right? I sometimes feel I’ve resigned myself to leading a basically comfortable Christian life without considering the fact that it’s not actually about me. I rarely stop to ask in the busyness of three children, a household to keep clean (or at least relatively so), a marriage, service at the church and being all things to all people... “God, you woke me up today. What can I do to bring you the MOST glory moment by moment in this day?” I am resolved to ask this question daily.

I definitely needed the joy of my salvation restored today. Do you? Have you stopped to marvel that you were chosen? That there is a specific role for you to play in this great story that God is writing? The very fact that you woke up today and are breathing is proof that God’s plan on this earth still includes you! So...look around...notice God’s wonder all around you. Nature, your health, the people you encounter, the differences that you have a chance to make. Give the most glory to God in those moments. Trust me...if you ask Him to show you how, He’ll be faithful to answer. Then, look inward and revel in the joy of your salvation...your selection by God to know Him intimately and His desire to weave you into His plan. Fall on His mercy for the times that you fail and receive the forgiveness that your repentance brings. Then, resolve to pursue holiness for the days He’s numbered for you. It’s so worth it.

peace.