I'm on vacation this week. Well, technically it was supposed to be a VAcation, but instead turned into a STAYcation. Before this week, I honestly thought staycations were ridiculous and sorry excuses for vacations. Now I know that sometimes there is no other choice. The ironic thing is that this vacation anticipation has been building for quite some time. The last time we planned a vacation, we procrastinated for so long in planning anything that we just punted on the whole idea and skipped vacation all together. How pathetic is that? So THIS time we planned. We worked out the details, we reserved the dates, we planned to take the kids out of school, I got vacation time approved at work, I crammed in creative meetings and emails and tied up any loose ends that I could think of. We were excited! Then, about two days before leaving, things just didn't work out. Plans fell through and we were no longer vacating. We were staycating.
This past weekend, people were asking where we were going and what we were doing and we would say "well, our plans fell through" or "we had a change of plan". Then, in a rather nonchalant way, I said to my mom... "but I mean, God is sovereign, so if He wants us to stay home then there must be a reason..."
That statement has been absolutely haunting me ever since. Not because it's not true...but because it is! The question I've had for myself is: "so...why isn't that always your response when your plans change?" Do I really believe that God has a better plan when it isn't in line with what I originally wanted? The vacation/staycation thing was pretty easy to feel good about because it was between the original plan, which I really liked, or staying home, which I also really like! (side note: I'm a pretty reclusive homebody if left to myself...so the prospect of staying home for a week with no agenda makes the recluse in me rather giddy...)
The more I've pondered my off the cuff remark to my mom, the more I've contemplated sovereignty and its close companion, providence.
Webster defines "sovereignty" as:
supreme excellence
supreme power
freedom from external control : autonomy
controlling influence
Webster defines "providence" as:
divine guidance or care
God, conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny
Hmmm...so basically I said to my mom: "but I mean, God, being the supreme example of excellence and power and being totally autonomous as well as the controlling influence in my life, clearly exercised His divine guidance and care over our lives and guided our destiny by causing us to stay home...so He must have a reason."
Again, that's a lot easier for me to stomach as well as to rattle off these lips when the two options are equally palatable to me. It becomes a little harder when...
- my house in California is still hanging as an albatross around my neck with no end in sight and no conceivable chance to get out from under the financial pit of quicksand that it has become. (even though the mall across the street from it has been set on fire twice...TWICE since we moved. Could the flames not have just leapt across the street and burned the house to the ground?? Is that too much to ask?? I realize that seems a bit morbid and desperate, but hey...that's where I am on the subject.)
- I feel a very strong sense of preparation and instruction going on in my heart for something, but still feel "wait and learn" as the predominant mandate. Patience never has been a virtue I've possessed for any length of time.
- I pray and pray and pray for something...even PLEAD...and God doesn't seem to make any move in the direction of my prayers.
Those are just a few examples, and there are many more, so needless to say (but I'm saying it anyway) I am very aware of some truths that need to continue to sink into my life and heart and take root.
Nothing touches me or my life that is not first sifted through the hand of God. Nothing. See, that's the thing about being in charge of every person and thing in the whole universe. Nothing happens without your ok.
My plans are just that...my plans. God's plan is the one that will actually get carried out. There's no such thing as a change of plans, thwarted plans or last minute considerations in God's plan. When my plans coincide with God's plans, then there should be gratefulness that I am a part of His story! When they don't, then there should be gratefulness that God is carrying out HIS plan whether I see, understand or like it and that there's an invitation to join Him. (There should also still be gratefulness that I am part of His story!)
Interestingly, I have HUGE PLANS for this weekend and am beyond hopeful that they're also in God's plans for me as well. This weekend I get to experience my very first EVER college football game. In Jacksonville Florida. That's right....FLORIDA vs. GEORGIA baby!!!! I'm a little bit ecstatic and have no doubt it will be an experience to remember. At least that's what everybody tells me! But, as excited as I am I do feel like I need to apply this scripture to this and all future scenarios in my life:
"Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."" James 4:14-15
If the Lord wills. This needs to be the pre-cursor statement of my life.
So...if the Lord wills, I'll be joining half of the people in Jacksonville on Saturday and screaming GO GATORS!!!!!!!! at the top of my lungs. Here's hoping!
Maybe this staycation was simply a tool to learn about the sovereignty and providence of God. I may not ever know a specific reason, but there's rest to be found in the fact that He knows everything that I don't and He orchestrates everything that I can't. I love that.
peace.
