Once upon a time, I was someone who was mightily opposed to doctor's offices, medicines (especially syrups...blech) and shots or needles of any kind. But, over the last several months, I've been dealing with some sort of heinous upper respiratory thing, the likes of which can only be combated by a steroid shot and stiff antibiotics. Now, a shot in the bum is about 70 billion slots down on my list of favorite things ever, but it's necessary nonetheless...and I've had three in the recent past.
As is often the case, it wasn't enough for just mom to be sick the last few months, so we've alternated through the kids having all sorts of maladies and issues from high fevers to puke bugs and have thrown some stitches and braces in the mix just for fun. The puke bug hit last night in our house and was 5 hours of every 30 minute wretching. Good for the abs, terrible for everything else...poor Maggie.
During Ali's bout with sickness and I mean SICKness recently, I said "Honey, we're going to take you to the doctor and get this seen about and see what we can do to help you!" To which she calmly replied (through more snot than you can imagine, a croup cough that made her sound like a baby seal and a 102 degree fever)... "I want to go to the doctor, but I'm not going to get a shot." I said, "You're not?" Her response? "No way."
I've been thinking about that seemingly innocuous conversation for a week or more. My kids actually have no problem going to the doctor. They go, sit on a table, look at shiny things, read books, play with big dinosaur action figures, step on scales, get temperatures taken by thermometers in their ears (and nowhere else...ahem), have someone come in and talk to them sweetly and tell them how big they're getting or how pretty, basically get a full body massage as the doctor checks them over, have medicine dispensed to them that tastes like bubblegum, or grape soda or any other conceivable flavor and leave with stickers and lollipops to go about their day. The only possible dark cloud in this utopia? The shot.
My children, if given the choice between a shot that would HEAL them or two and a half weeks of sickness, fevers and misery would choose the two and a half weeks. Every time. Ali was very firm in her proclamation of being glad to go to the doctor but absolutely opposed to getting a shot. Emphatic head shake and all. "No way."
Of course, I, being their wise and all-knowing mom, am starting to think "you silly, silly, child...don't you know that the shot is what you NEED? That's what's actually going to heal you and eradicate the illness! Everything else is just a band aid!" Then, as clearly as I was standing there and cocking my all-knowing head at Ali, I heard "what's your shot?"
Pardon? "You know, the thing (or things) I ask you to endure (or give up) in order to be healed? You have no problem coming to me and enjoying all that I have to offer when it's easy and attractive, but when you are tired and spent and ailing in your pursuit of holiness and I point at what is weighing you down and what you need to do or be rid of or get in check in order to be free and fulfilled, you have that same emphatic head shake...you choose the long road of laboring, bargaining and striving rather than the shot of surrender." Long swallow...
God, it's hardly the same thing. "Isn't it?"
That's how almost all of my spiritual lessons are taught by the way...through my children. And at the end of the day, it's exactly the same thing. I'd rather figure out how to rearrange, reorder, dress up, minimize and explain the things God points at in my life, rather than endure the quick, painful, but thorough obedience of surrender. I like everything fun and attractive that comes with a pursuit of holiness...churches, retreats, conferences, meaningful tweets and retweets, good books, small groups, excellent causes, missions, theology, amazing songs, corporate worship, community...
But the parts of actual holiness that can hurt? Suffering, refining, being set apart, authentic accountability, taking up the cross daily, persecution, relentless integrity, private purity, going to the ends of the earth, relational health, sacrificial generosity... When those things get pointed at, whether consciously or not, I fear I'm more apt to choose the long road of explaining, bargaining, diversion and excuse-making rather than the short SHOT of surrender.
I've realized the benefit of a shot to my physical life, and that's a day I never thought would come. I'm praying for the grace from God to embrace the benefit of a shot of surrender to my spiritual life whenever God diagnoses it as well. I can tell you one thing...I don't want my response to be "no way."
peace.
