vacuum tracks & reality checks...

This morning, I was up before the sun. I had reached my breaking point with the insane amount of junk and mess that comes with three kids, busy schedules and lots of people living in one house. I happen to have tons of work in front of me for Passion this week. We've got registration deadlines, cancellation deadlines, price increases and the like. We are one month away from the Fort Worth conference, today, and with that comes a large amount of computer work for me. But I could not put off the cleaning for one more moment. I get unsettled in my soul when I'm unsettled in my home. Now, I'm not a psycho about it or anything - Jeffrey might disagree :) but I do have to have order so that I'm not overwhelmed by stress and becoming unnerved by the most ridiculous things. Even more than usual, the fact that we've picked up and moved across the country in faith and are now living with my parents makes for an absolute blast of adventure, but is still fraught with a measure of uncertainty and "NOW WHAT?"

As I set about the task of picking up after three children, I found myself doing what I always do:

"what made them think THIS was the place for this to go?"
"I should just throw all of these away.........that would teach them not to leave them lying around!"
"I'm going to donate all this to Goodwill! They'd at least appreciate the hard work........unlike some people I know.........
"close quarters.........grrrrrrr.......if only we could spread out more!"
"i had so much more room in my house in California........"

As I was sweating and sorting and shaking and stripping and making and fluffing and placing and folding, it was very tempting to view these things as chores, irritations and interruptions. It was tempting to view these unknown days as unfair. The pity party was looking like a place I wanted to be. Right about the time I was obsessing over my perfect vacuum tracks, I had one of those little thoughts that I get. It went something like this.........

"You wouldn't have to do ANY of these things if I hadn't given you a husband and three children to begin with...and remember....you took a step of faith in making this move. Faith doesn't mean things will necessarily be easy. This is where you get to decide if you actually trust me or if that was all for show." Ugh. It's so true. It didn't take me but 3 seconds to change my attitude from one of self-pity and exaggerated sighing to one of humility and gratitude that God has chosen to glorify Himself by giving me this family and this journey.

I have a husband who adores me and our children and I have three precious children who just last night gathered around me giggling and eyes shining as I told them my made up story of Her Royal Highness Margarita Freshonia, Princess Alicia Farquite and Lord Jacksonian. These days of close quarters and shared spaces are actually precious time we have to invest in our children whose hearts are so tender toward the Lord. The annoyances of lice and ear infections, runny noses and asthma are chances we have to care for them and praise God for the fact that it's nothing more serious. Our blank pages, uncertainty and the unknown are the first time in our lives that we get to pray through every single, solitary decision, consider our course and watch God direct our steps. We can be intentional and we enjoy knowing that.

As I began to ponder more, I was struck by the thought that there are so many moms battling terminal illnesses with their children who would be grateful to have my little annoyances of sicknesses or messy rooms, many women who cannot have children of their own would give anything for piles of childrens laundry and toys everywhere. I know many women who would give anything for a husband as wonderful as mine. Needless to say...pondering turned to conviction, which turned to repentance for my selfishness and self-involvement. The reality check of the blessings God has poured out over me shook me quickly from the little pity party I'd wanted to so vehemently attend a few moments earlier.

I know it will sadly be all too soon before I'm lamenting my plight once again, but for today, I'm grateful for the reality check. I'm looking forward to picking up my children from school, running mundane errands with their chatter and singing in the background, creating more adventures for Her Royal Highness Margarita, Princess Alicia and Lord Jacksonian, and reading more of Pilgrim's Progress (their current favorite) to them this evening.

I know one mom who would probably change places with me were it not for her unshakable faith in God's plan. Her name is Holly McRae and her precious daughter, Kate, is battling brain cancer. Together, Holly, her husband Aaron, and their other 2 children are walking a road many of us will never fathom. If you've not yet joined them on their journey, I urge you to do so. You'll receive a reality check of your own, but more than that, you'll have the privilege of interceding for them, supporting them and encouraging them. I do not know the McRaes personally, but the beautiful thing about the family of faith is that I don't have to. I'm a mother and I have a child Kate's age. I can put myself there in a heartbeat. I've included their information below. Please take time to join their journey.

For now, I'm off to relish my family and the responsibilities that come with it. It's how God gets His glory in my life. Ali just walked in with an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper and announced "oh mommmmmyyyyyyy..........look what I've got for youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!" in her little sing-songy voice. I could just eat her up :)

peace.

http://www.prayforkate.com